Snacks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer addresses the question but has grammar mistakes and is a bit long. In English (Nigeria), be direct with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms, and one or two supporting details. Use a linking word (because/so) and keep it within 3–4 sentences. Also replace vague phrases like “negative health implications” with specific issues (weight gain, heart problems).

예시: I rarely eat snacks now because I’m worried about my health. For example, I’ve gained weight recently and my doctor warned me about my heart, so I try to avoid junk food.

제안: Good clear opinion but repetitive and slightly vague. In English (Nigeria), state your view in one sentence, then give a specific reason or example. Use linking words like because or so to improve coherence and avoid repeating ‘health’ too often.

예시: No, I don’t think snacking is healthy for me because many snacks are high in sugar and fat. For instance, eating fried or sugary snacks caused me to develop digestive issues and weight gain.

제안: Your answer is relevant but has tense and repetition problems. Use past tense consistently (ate) and avoid repeating phrases. Give one brief supporting detail and a linking word (because/so) to explain the reason.

예시: Yes, I often ate snacks when I was young because my friends did. We would buy chips and sweets at break time, so I joined them to fit in.

제안: Nice specific example (cereals) and effect (energy/productivity). Improve naturalness by shortening and using smoother linking words (so/therefore). Avoid formal words like “equally” here. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

예시: I don’t snack often, but I sometimes have a bowl of cereal as a snack because it gives me energy. That helps me stay focused and productive at work.

× I usually do not eat snacks regularly and this is because of the negative health implications.

✓ I usually do not eat snacks because of the negative health implications.

The phrase 'do not eat snacks regularly' is redundant when combined with 'usually'; simplification keeps present habitual tense consistent. Remove 'regularly' to avoid repetition and improve clarity. Use simple present for habitual action: 'I usually do not eat snacks.'

× I realize that I am getting obese and is having this impact on my health, especially my heart condition.

✓ I realize that I am becoming obese and that this is having an impact on my health, especially my heart.

Mismatch between subject and verb: 'is having' lacked an explicit subject. Also 'getting obese' is better expressed as 'becoming obese'. Add 'that' to link clauses and ensure verbs agree with their subjects. Use 'having an impact on my health' and 'my heart' for natural phrasing.

× I consider it unhealthy to eat snacks because of the implication it has on someone's health.

✓ I consider it unhealthy to eat snacks because of the implications they have for a person's health.

Pronoun reference and number mismatch: 'it' and singular 'implication' conflict with plural sense; use 'implications' and 'they' or rephrase to 'a person's health' for clarity. This ensures pronouns agree in number with their antecedents.

× I have had serious health challenges as a result of my intake of snacks.

✓ I have had serious health challenges as a result of my snack intake.

Tense 'have had' is present perfect and can be correct if referring to life experience, but sentence is wordy. 'Intake of snacks' is awkward; use 'snack intake' or 'eating snacks' for natural English while keeping present perfect to show past-to-present relevance.

× Yes, when I was a child I often eat snacks and this was as a result of peer pressure.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I often ate snacks, and this was due to peer pressure.

Incorrect verb tense: 'eat' should be past 'ate' to match 'when I was a child'. Use 'due to' or 'because of' instead of 'as a result of' for conciseness. Maintain past simple for completed habitual actions in the past.

× I realized that most of the snacks I ate I ate when I was young was because my friends were also eating them.

✓ I realized that most of the snacks I ate when I was young were because my friends were also eating them.

Awkward and repetitive structure: repeated 'I ate' and incorrect agreement between plural 'snacks' and singular 'was'. Combine clauses and ensure verb agrees in number: use 'were' for plural 'snacks'. Better: 'Most of the snacks I ate when I was young were because my friends were also eating them.'

× I do not eat snacks regularly, but sometimes I find myself taking some cereals because it helps me stay energized and this equally helps me to be productive at my place of work.

✓ I do not eat snacks regularly, but sometimes I have some cereal because it helps me stay energized and makes me more productive at work.

Use of 'taking some cereals' is incorrect collocation; native speakers say 'have some cereal' or 'eat cereal'. Match verbs and subjects: 'it helps me' and 'this equally helps me to be productive' is wordy—use 'makes me more productive.' 'At my place of work' is awkward; use 'at work'. Keep present habitual tense consistent.