Patience— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the response more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, give one or two specific supporting details, and avoid repetition. Use linking words (for example, because, so, although) to show cause and effect. Correct minor wording/grammar issues (e.g., remove duplicate phrases like “at times” and clarify ‘UH’ or avoid unexplained abbreviations).

예시: I used to be impatient, but working in a hospital has made me much more patient. For example, I often deal with angry or urgent-care patients, so I’ve learned to stay calm and listen carefully before acting. Although I cannot help everyone immediately, this experience has taught me to manage my reactions and priorities.

제안: Give a direct topic sentence and add a brief specific example or consequence. Reduce filler words (uh) and redundant phrases; use a linking word (for example, when) to connect ideas. Explain briefly why interruptions bother you to add depth.

예시: I feel most impatient when I’m not given a chance to speak. For example, in meetings if someone interrupts me while I’m explaining a point, I get frustrated because it prevents me from expressing my view fully and wastes time for everyone.

제안: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and avoid contradictory or confusing statements. Choose one clear idea and support it with a specific example. Remove hesitation words and ensure coherence with linking words (if, however, for example).

예시: It depends on the activity: if I enjoy it, I don’t mind doing it for a long time. For example, I love going on long vacations and feel energised throughout. However, routine tasks at work can become tiring after a while, so I usually take short breaks to stay focused.

제안: Start with a concise topic sentence and finish the final sentence clearly. Be specific about tasks that need patience and use linking words (for example, not only... but also) correctly. Avoid leaving sentences unfinished and clarify unfamiliar abbreviations like GDA.

예시: Yes, my job demands a great deal of patience. Not only do I manage distressed patients, but I also coordinate care with a large team—receptionists, nurses and senior counselors—so I must communicate calmly and wait for information before making decisions.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence and one specific reason or example explaining how your job developed patience. Remove filler words and keep it concise. You can add a brief contrast with childhood behavior and close with a linking phrase (for example, because or since).

예시: Yes, I’m much more patient now than as a child because working as a doctor has taught me to remain calm under pressure. For instance, handling emergencies taught me to prioritise tasks and listen carefully, whereas as a child I was more impulsive and used to getting my way.

× I was not a patient person, however, I have become one because since I started working at the hospital, I have become extremely patient while dealing with UH patients who are angry or patients who need urgent care.

✓ I was not a patient person; however, I have become one because, since I started working at the hospital, I became extremely patient while dealing with UH patients who were angry or who needed urgent care.

Mixed past and present perfect tenses cause inconsistency. The sentence begins in past (I was) and then uses present perfect (I have become) with 'since I started' which is correct but later 'have become extremely patient while dealing with ... who are angry or patients who need urgent care' mixes present and past. Use past simple for past events: 'became' and 'who were angry' or keep present if condition still holds. Suggest consistent tense: past for completed development or present perfect throughout if patiencystill holds.

× But sometimes it is not possible to attend to everyone at times, but I have become more patient by dealing with them.

✓ But sometimes it is not possible to attend to everyone, and I have become more patient by dealing with them.

Redundant phrases 'sometimes' and 'at times' create repetition and the sentence starts with 'but' twice. Use a single conjunction 'and' and remove redundancy for clarity. Pronoun 'them' is acceptable.

× What makes me feel impatient is not getting a chance to speak.

✓ What makes me feel impatient is not getting a chance to speak.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable; no change needed. It is retained for completeness.

× If there's any argument going on, if there's a discussion going on, when, uh, there's my turn to speak and if somebody interrupts me.

✓ If there is an argument or a discussion and it is my turn to speak, but somebody interrupts me, I become impatient.

Original uses multiple clauses awkwardly and lacks a main clause. Combine conditions into a single coherent sentence with a main result clause. Avoid filler 'uh' in formal answers.

× That depends on whether I like doing that or I don't.

✓ That depends on whether I like doing it or not.

Use 'it' instead of 'that' for consistency and 'or not' is the idiomatic contrast to 'whether'. The present tense is correct but phrasing improved.

× If I like doing something, I wouldn't mind doing it for a long time.

✓ If I like doing something, I do not mind doing it for a long time.

Using 'wouldn't' suggests conditional or hypothetical; for a general truth use present simple: 'do not mind'. Use consistent conditional structure if hypothetical: 'If I liked it, I wouldn't mind'.

× I like working. I wouldn't like doing that for a long time either.

✓ I like working, but I would not like doing a particular boring task for a long time.

Original is unclear and contradicts. Clarify by specifying what 'that' refers to. Use 'would not' if expressing hypothetical dislike for specific tasks.

× I wouldn't mind doing that at all.

✓ I would not mind doing that at all.

Contractions are acceptable but ensure consistent formality. No tense change; this is appropriate for expressing willingness.

× My job requires me to be extremely patient.

✓ My job requires me to be extremely patient.

Sentence is correct as is; kept unchanged.

× Not only do I have to deal with patients, I have to coordinate care with a huge team in the hospital, starting from the receptionist to the GDA to the nurses to the senior counselors.

✓ Not only do I have to deal with patients, but I also have to coordinate care with a large hospital team, from the receptionist and the GDA to the nurses and senior counselors.

Add 'but' and 'also' to complete the correlative structure 'Not only... but also'. Use 'large' instead of 'huge' for formality and 'from... to' should list parallel items with 'and'.

× And it requires me to be patient while.

✓ This requires me to be patient throughout my work.

Original fragment 'while' is incomplete. Provide a full clause: 'throughout my work' or 'while doing these tasks' to complete the sentence.

× Certainly, I am more patient than when I was, umm, a child.

✓ Certainly, I am more patient than I was as a child.

Simplify structure: 'than I was as a child' is the idiomatic comparative form. Remove filler 'umm'.

× I think that being a doctor has developed that patience in me, otherwise I wouldn't have been this patient ever.

✓ I think that being a doctor has developed that patience in me; otherwise, I would not be this patient now.

Mixes present perfect 'has developed' with hypothetical past 'wouldn't have been'. If the result continues to present, use 'I would not be this patient now' rather than past perfect conditional. Ensure tense aligns with intended meaning.

× As a child, Uh, my parents spoiled me, so I was not that patient.

✓ As a child, my parents spoiled me, so I was not very patient.

Sentence is mostly correct; replace 'that' with 'very' for naturalness and remove filler 'Uh'.

× I'm still grateful for the childhood that they gave me.

✓ I am still grateful for the childhood they gave me.

Contraction 'I'm' acceptable but 'I am' is more formal. Remove 'that' which is unnecessary in this relative clause.