Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Try to avoid repetition and use more natural expressions. For example, instead of repeating 'stay', say 'remain healthy'. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

예시: Yes, I like eating chocolate, but I only have it occasionally because I'm afraid of cavities and want to keep my teeth healthy.

제안: Try to make your answer clearer and more concise. Avoid repeating words like 'spicy food spicy things'. Use linking words to organize your ideas better.

예시: I eat chocolate occasionally, mostly when my sister buys it for me or if I get it for free. However, I usually prefer spicy foods over sugary ones.

제안: Avoid filler words like 'uh' and repeated words like 'nostalgic'. Use complete sentences and link your ideas logically.

예시: Yes, as a kid, it was natural to eat a lot of chocolate. I was attracted to chocolates because of their advertisements and packaging. I used to buy Kinder Joy, which brings back nostalgic memories.

제안: Reduce filler words like 'uh' and organize your answer with linking words for clarity. Also, avoid redundancy and be more specific.

예시: I think chocolate is popular worldwide because it symbolizes love. People often give it to friends and family during festivals and special occasions, and of course, its delicious taste adds to its popularity.

제안: Avoid unclear phrases like 'strawberry schools' and filler words. Use correct grammar and explain your preferences clearly with linking words.

예시: I have two favorite chocolate flavors: strawberry and vanilla. I especially like strawberry because its strong flavor complements the chocolate well.

제안: Avoid filler words and unclear phrases like 'giving children to others'. Use linking words and complete sentences to express your ideas clearly.

예시: Yes, I think chocolate makes a good gift. I often give it to my sister on her birthday or during festive seasons. I enjoy seeing children happy when they receive chocolates.

× Yes, I do like eating chocolate, but I do it occasionally 'cause I'm afraid of cavities and I want my teeth to stay stay healthy.

✓ Yes, I do like eating chocolate, but I do it occasionally because I'm afraid of cavities and I want my teeth to stay healthy.

The phrase 'cause' is informal and should be replaced with 'because' for proper grammar. Also, the repeated word 'stay' is a typographical error and should be corrected to a single 'stay'.

× I eat chocolates occasionally but if someone is offering me like my sister going out and buying it for me then I eat it for if I get it for free then I do.

✓ I eat chocolate occasionally, but if someone like my sister goes out and buys it for me, then I eat it; if I get it for free, then I do.

The word 'chocolates' should be singular 'chocolate' when referring to the substance in general. Also, the sentence structure is confusing and needs commas and conjunctions for clarity. 'Is offering' should be 'goes out and buys' to match the intended meaning.

× But most of the time I like eating spicy food spicy things more than eating sugary foods.

✓ But most of the time, I like eating spicy food or spicy things more than eating sugary foods.

The phrase 'spicy food spicy things' is repetitive and unclear; adding 'or' clarifies the meaning. Also, a comma after 'time' improves readability.

× Yes, as a kid, it's a Natu.

✓ Yes, as a kid, it's natural.

The word 'Natu' is incorrect and likely a typo for 'natural'. The sentence needs correction for clarity and correctness.

× I was attracted to, uh, to chocolates, like how the chocolate was advertised or designed.

✓ I was attracted to, uh, chocolate, like how it was advertised or designed.

When referring to chocolate in general, the singular uncountable noun 'chocolate' is appropriate instead of 'chocolates'. Also, 'the chocolate' can be replaced with 'it' for smoother flow.

× And I used to buy a chocolate named Kinder Joy when I was a kid.

✓ And I used to buy a chocolate called Kinder Joy when I was a kid.

The phrase 'named Kinder Joy' is acceptable but 'called Kinder Joy' is more natural in spoken English.

× It's a nostalgic, nostalgic.

✓ It's nostalgic.

The word 'nostalgic' is repeated unnecessarily; removing the repetition corrects the sentence.

× I think chocolate is popular around the world because it's a symbol of love and uh, some people give it to their friends, family occasionally and enjoy, uh, spreading love with chocolates in festivals, uh, seasons and that's why it's popular and cause of its taste.

✓ I think chocolate is popular around the world because it's a symbol of love. Some people give it to their friends and family occasionally and enjoy spreading love with chocolates during festivals and seasons. That's why it's popular, also because of its taste.

The original sentence is a run-on with improper conjunction use. Breaking it into shorter sentences and using appropriate conjunctions improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I have two favorite flavor, one is strawberry, another is vanilla.

✓ I have two favorite flavors: one is strawberry, and the other is vanilla.

'Flavor' should be plural 'flavors' when referring to two items. Also, 'another' is replaced with 'the other' for correct reference to the second item.

× Especially uh. I like strawberry schools, the flavor hits me really good.

✓ Especially, I like strawberry chocolates; the flavor hits me really well.

'Strawberry schools' is incorrect; likely meant 'strawberry chocolates'. Also, 'really good' should be 'really well' as it modifies the verb 'hits'.

× And another thing of the strawberries is strong flavor of the chocolate.

✓ Another thing about strawberries is the strong flavor they add to the chocolate.

The original sentence is unclear and grammatically incorrect. Rephrasing clarifies the meaning and corrects adjective and preposition use.

× Yes, I think it's good to use chocolate as gifts to others.

✓ Yes, I think it's good to use chocolate as a gift for others.

'Gifts' should be singular 'a gift' when referring to the act of giving chocolate as a present. Also, 'to others' is better expressed as 'for others' in this context.

× I do gift someone uh like my sister on her birthday or on festive season too.

✓ I do gift someone, like my sister, on her birthday or during festive seasons too.

The sentence needs commas for clarity. 'On festive season' should be 'during festive seasons' for correct preposition and plural form.

× The kids and I enjoy.

✓ The kids and I enjoy it.

The verb 'enjoy' requires an object; adding 'it' completes the sentence.

× It's a very rewarding to me giving children to others and I love seeing them enjoy.

✓ It's very rewarding for me to give chocolates to children, and I love seeing them enjoy it.

The phrase 'giving children to others' is incorrect; it should be 'giving chocolates to children'. Also, 'a very rewarding' should be 'very rewarding' without 'a'. Prepositions and sentence structure are corrected for clarity.