Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting points. Avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., "delightness") and unnecessary filler. Keep the answer within 2–4 sentences and use linking words like "because" or "so".

예시: Yes, I do. I especially enjoy dark chocolate because it tastes rich and has reported health benefits, such as improving mood and concentration. I also sometimes reward myself with a small piece after finishing homework.

제안: Make the answer more structured and avoid repetition of "for example." Use clear linking words ("however", "because") and correct grammar ("improves heart health"). Limit to 3–4 sentences and give approximate frequency (e.g., "a few times a week").

예시: It depends on the type: I eat dark chocolate a few times a week because I like the taste and its perceived health benefits. By contrast, I only have milk chocolate occasionally, maybe once every two weeks, because it's much sweeter.

제안: Be precise and natural: state the frequency and give a brief reason. Avoid unclear phrases like "since I started going on." One or two sentences are enough.

예시: Yes. I used to have chocolate about five days a week because my grandmother would give my siblings and me a treat whenever we finished our schoolwork.

제안: Organize the answer with two clear points and use linking words like "firstly" and "secondly." Use concise phrases and correct minor grammar (remove duplicate "the"). Give a brief example of packaging or marketing to be specific.

예시: I think it's popular for two main reasons. Firstly, there are many flavours to suit different tastes, from dark to fruity varieties. Secondly, attractive packaging and effective marketing make people more likely to buy it as a gift or snack.

제안: Make the reason concise and accurate. Avoid overgeneralizing health claims and awkward phrases like "elderly ages." Use one clear reason and a short explanation. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

예시: My favourite is dark chocolate because I prefer its bittersweet taste and it's less sugary than milk chocolate. I also try to avoid too much sugar for health reasons, so dark chocolate suits me better.

제안: Start with a clear opinion and give one or two supporting reasons with a specific example. Avoid repeating "especially." Keep it natural and succinct.

예시: Yes, I think chocolate makes a great gift because it symbolizes affection and is widely enjoyed. For example, many people buy chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day to show they care.

× it also brings a sense of delightness to me as I usually take chocolate as a piece of reward when I complete my homework or certain task.

✓ it also brings me a sense of delight because I usually take chocolate as a small reward when I complete my homework or a certain task.

'delightness' is incorrect; use 'delight' or 'a sense of delight'. 'to me' is better as 'me' after 'brings'. 'a piece of reward' is unidiomatic; use 'a small reward'. Include the article 'a' before 'certain task' and use 'a certain task'. Maintain natural word order.

× For example, it helps with my cognitive abilities and improve my heart, cardiovascular diseases.

✓ For example, it helps with my cognitive abilities and improves my heart and cardiovascular health.

The verbs joined by 'and' must agree: 'helps' pairs with 'improves' (third person singular). 'Cardiovascular diseases' is awkward here; use 'cardiovascular health'. Ensure parallel structure.

× For example, if it's a dark chocolate then I usually have it on a regular basis since there are so many health benefits.

✓ For example, if it's dark chocolate, then I usually have it on a regular basis since there are many health benefits.

Do not use the definite article 'a' with uncountable or category nouns like 'dark chocolate' in this context. Add a comma after the conditional clause. 'So many' is informal; 'many' is better in a formal response.

× my grandmother would give and distribute chocolates to me and my siblings every time we finished studying.

✓ my grandmother would give and distribute chocolates to my siblings and me every time we finished studying.

Use the objective pronoun 'me' in a compound object after a preposition or verb. Put 'my siblings' before 'me' as a polite convention.

× So I have it mostly like every day.

✓ So I had it almost every day.

'Have' in past context should be 'had' to match earlier 'I had chocolate'. 'Mostly like every day' is ungrammatical and informal; 'almost every day' is correct.

× Firstly the flavours.

✓ Firstly, the flavours.

This fragment lacks punctuation and is a sentence fragment. Add a comma and connect it to the next clause or expand into a full sentence.

× If there are diverse flavours ranging from orange, strawberry, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, then individuals who prefer certain flavours, they love it.

✓ If there are diverse flavours such as orange, strawberry, dark chocolate, and milk chocolate, then people who prefer certain flavours will love it.

Remove the redundant pronoun 'they' and ensure parallel list formatting with 'and'. Replace 'individuals' with 'people' for naturalness and add 'will' for a clear result clause.

× Now the second thing is the the packaging itself should be appealing to so consumers are drawn to it.

✓ Now the second thing is that the packaging itself should be appealing so that consumers are drawn to it.

Remove the duplicate 'the'. Insert 'that' after 'is' to introduce a content clause. Use 'so that' for purpose. Remove the extraneous preposition 'to' after 'appealing'.

× I prefer dark chocolate over any other flavour since it's bitter and other flavours are sweet and I believe that sweetness is related to many chronic illnesses, for example, as mentioned before, diabetes and it can also bring high blood pressure and elderly ages.

✓ I prefer dark chocolate to any other flavour because it is bitter while other flavours are sweet, and I believe that excessive sweetness is related to many chronic illnesses, for example diabetes; it can also contribute to high blood pressure and health problems in older people.

Use 'prefer X to Y' not 'over' in this context. Replace contraction 'it's' with 'it is' for formality. 'Sweetness' needs a qualifier like 'excessive'. 'Bring high blood pressure and elderly ages' is incorrect: use 'contribute to high blood pressure and health problems in older people.' Improve sentence flow with punctuation.

× Yes, I definitely think that chocolate is a good present to give to others, especially that it symbolises love and care.

✓ Yes, I definitely think that chocolate is a good present to give others, especially because it symbolizes love and care.

Use 'give others' rather than 'give to others' for concision. 'Especially that' is ungrammatical; use 'especially because'. Use consistent spelling 'symbolizes' (or 'symbolises') depending on variety; keep one style.

× Especially during events like Valentine's Day, you can see everyone out there is buying flowers and chocolates along it since the meaning itself is really kind.

✓ Especially during events like Valentine's Day, you can see everyone buying flowers and chocolates along with them since the tradition itself is about kindness.

'Along it' is incorrect; use 'along with them' or 'together with them'. 'The meaning itself is really kind' is awkward; replace with 'the tradition itself is about kindness.' Remove redundant 'out there'.