Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitation and repetition, give a clear topic sentence then one supporting reason. Keep it concise (max 3–4 sentences) and natural. For example, start with a direct statement about liking chocolate occasionally, then explain why (taste, craving) and conclude briefly.

예시: I enjoy chocolate occasionally, but I’m not a huge fan. When I feel like having something sweet and milky, I buy a small bar to satisfy the craving. However, I rarely choose chocolate over other snacks.

제안: Avoid filler words and tighten the structure: give a direct frequency statement then a brief reason. Use linking words like because or so to connect ideas.

예시: I eat chocolate about once a month. If I have a strong craving, I’ll go to the supermarket and buy a small bar because I prefer not to eat sweets regularly.

제안: Correct grammar and vocabulary; answer directly with a clear past statement, followed by a reason and brief detail. Avoid unclear words and long run-on sentences. Use past tense for childhood experiences.

예시: I didn’t eat much chocolate as a child because it wasn’t readily available. After I moved to Australia, chocolate became easy to buy at supermarkets, so I started eating it more often, although I still don’t eat it frequently.

제안: Give a structured answer: make a general statement, then provide specific reasons (taste, convenience, tradition) with linking words. Use precise vocabulary and avoid hesitations.

예시: Chocolate is popular worldwide mainly because of its taste and convenience. It’s sweet and creamy, which appeals to many people, and it’s also packaged and sold easily, making it a common gift or snack. For these reasons, many people, including children, enjoy it.

제안: Be concise and correct grammar: state your preference then give two clear reasons using linking words like because and while. Avoid repeating words and correct vocabulary mistakes.

예시: My favourite is milk chocolate because it’s creamy and not as bitter as dark chocolate. It still has a pleasant cocoa flavour but with a smoother, milky taste.

제안: Give a direct opinion, then support it with two clear reasons and a brief example. Fix pronunciation-based errors in writing (ideal gift) and avoid repetitions. Use linking words like because and for example.

예시: Yes, chocolate is a good gift because it’s widely liked and easy to share. For example, you can give a small box to neighbours or friends during holidays, and most people will appreciate the sweet, creamy flavour.

× I I I do enjoy eating chocolate occasionally, but I'm I'm not a big fan of chocolate.

✓ I do enjoy eating chocolate occasionally, but I'm not a big fan of it.

Repeated words and redundancy create sentence structure issues; also 'chocolate' repeated at end is stylistically weak. Use single 'I' and replace final 'chocolate' with pronoun 'it' to avoid repetition. Remove filler repetitions ('I I I', 'I'm I'm'). Suggestion: Practice speaking slowly and formulating the sentence before speaking to avoid repetition.

× Uh, I sometime when I feel some feel like eating something sweet and Milky, I would definitely go buy a small chocolate bar, but I'm not really.

✓ Sometimes when I feel like eating something sweet and milky, I will definitely go and buy a small chocolate bar, but I'm not usually a frequent eater of chocolate.

Use 'sometimes' (adverb) not 'sometime'; 'feel some feel' is repetition; 'Milky' should be lowercase 'milky'; modal 'would' suggests hypothetical — use 'will' or present simple for habitual actions. Sentence ended abruptly; complete idea. Suggestion: Replace repeated fragments, choose correct adverb form, and use present simple for habits.

× I I would say once a month on the day that I feel like I'm craving for the chocolate, I would definitely go to a supermarket and get just a small chocolate bar.

✓ I would say I eat it about once a month; on days when I crave chocolate, I go to a supermarket and buy a small chocolate bar.

Remove repeated 'I I'; 'craving for the chocolate' should be 'crave chocolate' — 'crave' takes a direct object without 'for'; prefer present simple for habitual actions instead of repeated 'would'. Suggestion: Use concise clauses for frequency expressions and correct verb usage for 'crave'.

× When I was a toy I did not have many chances to have asthma like chocolate until I come to Australia and this is when I can always get chocolate from the supermarket whenever time I want it.

✓ When I was a child I did not have many chances to have chocolate like this until I came to Australia, and that was when I could always get chocolate from the supermarket whenever I wanted it.

Multiple errors: 'toy' should be 'child' (word choice), use past tense 'came' and 'could' for past ability; 'whenever time I want it' should be 'whenever I wanted it'. Also 'have asthma like chocolate' is incorrect — likely meant 'have chocolate like this' or 'eat chocolate'. Suggestion: Use past tense consistently when describing past situations and correct vocabulary.

× I but overall I'm not a big fan of chocolate.

✓ But overall, I'm not a big fan of chocolate.

Minor sentence structure: leading 'I' is unnecessary. Add comma after 'overall'. Suggestion: Remove stray words and punctuate for clarity.

× Yeah, I would say all the kids around in the around the world, they love chuckles so much because of the taste.

✓ Yeah, I would say kids around the world love chocolate because of the taste.

Incorrect phrase 'around in the around the world' is redundant; 'they' is unnecessary after subject; 'chuckles' is wrong word for 'chocolate'. Suggestion: Use concise subject placement and correct noun 'chocolate'.

× Very Milky, really sweet and strong of the uh, cocoa.

✓ It's very milky, really sweet, and has a strong cocoa flavor.

Adjective capitalization incorrect ('Milky'); 'strong of the cocoa' is ungrammatical — use 'strong cocoa flavor' or 'strong in cocoa'. Include a subject 'it' or combine into previous sentence. Suggestion: Use correct adjective order and natural collocations like 'strong cocoa flavor'.

× Umm, I personally sometime occasionally craving for the taste of the chocolate as well.

✓ Umm, I personally sometimes occasionally crave the taste of chocolate as well.

Use adverb 'sometimes' not 'sometime'; 'occasionally' duplicates meaning — pick one; 'craving' should be base verb 'crave' after auxiliary or simply 'I sometimes crave'. Remove 'the' before 'chocolate' unless specific. Suggestion: Avoid redundant adverbs and use correct verb form for present habitual actions.

× I always prefer the milk chocolate when every time I crave for the chocolate because it's creamy.

✓ I always prefer milk chocolate whenever I crave chocolate because it's creamy.

Do not use 'the' before 'milk chocolate' when speaking generally; 'every time' can be replaced with 'whenever'; 'crave for' should be 'crave' (no 'for'). Suggestion: Use 'whenever' for repeated occasions and omit unnecessary articles and prepositions.

× It's not too bitter like the other dark chocolate but it still have the strong faith of cocoa, cocoa flavor and also the Milky flavor.

✓ It's not as bitter as dark chocolate, but it still has a strong cocoa flavor and a milky taste.

Use comparison structure 'not as ... as' and plural/article adjustments: 'the other dark chocolate' -> 'dark chocolate'; verb agreement 'have' -> 'has'; 'faith of cocoa' incorrect — should be 'flavor of cocoa' or 'cocoa flavor'; 'Milky' -> 'milky'. Suggestion: Use correct comparative forms, subject-verb agreement, and precise nouns for 'flavor'.

× Very creamy.

✓ It's very creamy.

Fragment lacking subject and verb; attach to previous sentence or add subject. Suggestion: Avoid sentence fragments in speaking transcripts when correcting grammar.

× Yes I I think it would be a ideal gate to everyone, especially neighbors or friends.

✓ Yes, I think it would be an ideal gift for everyone, especially neighbors and friends.

Repeated 'I I'; 'a ideal' should be 'an ideal' before vowel sound; 'gate' is incorrect word — should be 'gift'; use 'for' not 'to' in this context; 'neighbors or friends' -> 'neighbors and friends' is more natural. Suggestion: Check article usage before vowel sounds and correct word choice.

× Baker I believe the chocolate is it very popular in the world.

✓ Because I believe chocolate is very popular worldwide.

'Baker' is incorrect word (likely 'Because'); remove redundant 'the' and 'it'; 'in the world' more naturally 'worldwide'. Suggestion: Use correct conjunction 'because' and avoid redundant pronouns.

× White Everyone loves sweetness and the creamy the flavour of cocoa seen.

✓ Everyone loves sweetness and the creamy flavor of cocoa.

Leading 'White' is erroneous; remove it. 'the creamy the flavour of cocoa seen' is ungrammatical — simplify to 'the creamy flavor of cocoa'. Suggestion: Eliminate stray words and reduce redundancy.