Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (uh, umm) and incorrect grammar (e.g., "chocolate don't"). Also use precise vocabulary to explain benefits or drawbacks.

예시: Yes, I really like eating chocolate because I enjoy sweet flavours and it lifts my mood. For example, a small piece after work helps me feel more relaxed and focused, although I know eating too much can be unhealthy.

제안: Answer directly with a clear frequency statement, then give a specific reason using linking words. Reduce repetition and filler words. Provide a concise detail about when or how much you usually eat.

예시: I eat chocolate almost every day because my family keeps a variety at home. For instance, I usually have a small chocolate bar with my afternoon tea.

제안: Give a clear past-tense reply and a specific short example. Avoid slang or unclear phrases (e.g., "Ki" and "cryings hysterics"). Use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct grammar for past habits.

예시: Yes, I often ate chocolate as a child because my family bought sweets regularly. For example, I remember throwing a tantrum when my parents refused to give me chocolate after school.

제안: Structure your answer: give one main reason and support it with a specific detail. Use a variety of vocabulary (e.g., 'appealing', 'comforting') and correct word forms (addictive -> addictive to). Avoid repeating the same idea.

예시: Chocolate is popular worldwide mainly because it tastes good and provides comfort. In addition, chocolate is widely available and used in celebrations, which makes it familiar to people of all ages.

제안: Start with a concise statement of your favourite flavour, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Use correct vocabulary (flavour, not flower) and avoid repetition and fillers. Mention a specific example or memory to make it vivid.

예시: My favourite flavour is white chocolate because it has a creamy, sweet taste. For example, I like eating white chocolate after dinner because it makes me feel relaxed and satisfied.

제안: Answer directly then provide one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid absolute statements like "every person"; instead say "many people." Reduce fillers and repetition, and give a brief example of a suitable occasion for gifting chocolate.

예시: Yes, chocolate makes a good gift because many people enjoy sweets and it feels thoughtful. For example, I often give a box of chocolates to friends on birthdays or as a small thank-you present.

× Of course I adore eating the chocolates, uh, because chocolates are very sweet and I really like very sweet, umm, foods.

✓ Of course I adore eating chocolate because chocolate is very sweet and I really like very sweet foods.

The definite article 'the' is unnecessary before a general noun 'chocolates'. Use uncountable 'chocolate' or plural without 'the' when speaking generally. Also 'chocolates are' changed to 'chocolate is' to treat chocolate as a general uncountable substance.

× And I think that chocolate is don't umm, only unhealthy chocolate help to mind for work and thinking fats and so on.

✓ And I think that chocolate isn't only unhealthy; chocolate helps the mind for work and thinking, and contains fats, and so on.

Original sentence had incorrect negative construction 'is don't' and unclear structure. Use 'isn't' for negative and separate clauses: 'chocolate helps the mind' uses third-person singular verb 'helps'. This fixes sentence structure and subject-verb agreement.

× Honestly, I eat chocolate very often because in our home, uh, always have the chocolates because our family love uh, sweets, chocolates and so on.

✓ Honestly, I eat chocolate very often because in our home we always have chocolate because our family loves sweets, chocolates, and so on.

Missing subject 'we' before 'always have'. 'Chocolate' is better as uncountable when speaking generally. 'Family' as a collective noun takes singular verb 'loves' in this context.

× So, uh, every day we have different, uh, other chocolates and so I eat chocolates very often.

✓ So every day we have different chocolates, so I eat chocolate very often.

Avoid redundant words 'different other'. Use plural 'chocolates' for variety but keep general 'chocolate' when speaking about consumption frequency. Remove filler commas.

× Yes, of course, because I think that's every kid, every child love chocolates Ki uh, sweets and I think the chocolate umm addictive for us and when my parents don't give me a piece of chocolate when I was a child, I really doing uh a lot of umm cryings hysterics and so.

✓ Yes, of course, because I think every child loves chocolates and sweets, and I think chocolate is addictive for us. When my parents didn't give me a piece of chocolate when I was a child, I would cry and have hysterics.

Use 'every child loves' (subject-verb agreement). 'Chocolate is addictive' requires 'is'. Past habitual action uses past tense 'didn't give' and 'would cry' or 'used to cry'. 'Doing a lot of cryings' is ungrammatical; use 'cry' and 'have hysterics'.

× I think that chocolate is popular around our world because firstly, chocolates are very sweet and um, sweet things, um, doing addictive for child, for kids and even big persons.

✓ I think that chocolate is popular around the world because, firstly, chocolates are very sweet, and sweet things are addictive for children and even adults.

Use 'around the world' not 'around our world'. 'Doing addictive' is incorrect; use 'are addictive'. Use correct terms 'children' and 'adults' instead of 'child, for kids' and 'big persons'.

× My favorite flower of chocolate is white chocolate, especially air white chocolate.

✓ My favorite type of chocolate is white chocolate, especially white chocolate with air (aerated white chocolate).

'Flower' is wrong word; use 'type' or 'flavor'. 'Air white chocolate' is unclear; clarify as 'white chocolate with air' or 'aerated white chocolate'.

× It is really very tasty and delicious and umm this and uh, when I, when I eat them, I really feel relaxed, I really feel enjoy and this is really delicious, umm, flower of chocolate for me.

✓ It is really tasty and delicious, and when I eat it I feel relaxed and enjoy it; it is my favorite kind of chocolate.

Maintain pronoun agreement: 'eat it' for uncountable 'chocolate' (not 'them'). 'Feel enjoy' is incorrect; use 'enjoy it'. Replace 'flower of chocolate' with 'kind of chocolate'.

× For sure, because, uh, I think that every human, every person loves this sweet and umm, I think that's every human, umm, feel relaxed when, uh, they eat the chocolate and especially for child, for kids, chocolate is a really very good gift.

✓ For sure, because I think that everyone loves sweets, and I think that people feel relaxed when they eat chocolate. Especially for children, chocolate is a very good gift.

Use 'everyone' instead of 'every human, every person'. Match verb forms: 'people feel' not 'every human feel'. Use 'children' for plural. Remove redundant words 'a really very good'.

× Umm, so it is really very good gift.

✓ So it is a really good gift.

Include indefinite article 'a' before 'gift'. Avoid redundant intensifiers 'really very'; 'really good' is sufficient.