Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, reduce fillers (“uh”, “umm”), correct grammar and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. For example, say how often and what you enjoy about the taste or texture, and avoid unclear phrases like “chocolate room for make me gain great.”

예시: I only eat chocolate occasionally because I usually have it as a small treat. For example, I buy a small bar when I crave something sweet because I enjoy its creamy, cocoa-rich flavor and it helps me feel satisfied without overindulging.

제안: Good direct answer but avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Remove filler questions (“Why?”) and broken sentences. Use linking words like “because” and be specific about what you like in almond chocolate.

예시: I usually eat chocolate about once a month because I only buy it when I have a sweet craving. I prefer almond chocolate because the crunchy nuts contrast nicely with the creamy, cocoa-rich filling and leave me satisfied.

제안: Clarify tense and meaning, correct grammar (e.g., ‘used to’, ‘was expensive’, ‘variety’), and avoid informal spoken fragments. Give a clear contrast between past and present with linking words like “but” and “now”.

예시: When I was a child I rarely ate chocolate because it was very expensive in my country. Now that I live in Australia, chocolate is affordable and comes in many varieties, so I sometimes treat myself to a small bar.

제안: Organize the answer: start with a general statement, then give 2–3 clear reasons with examples. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., “make the children sacrifice”) and use accurate vocabulary like “appeal”, “texture”, “versatility”.

예시: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it appeals to people of all ages. Its creamy texture and rich cocoa flavor are especially attractive to children, and chocolate is versatile — it is used in bars, cakes and drinks, which increases its popularity.

제안: Answer directly and correct collocations (e.g., “milk chocolate with almonds”, “crunchiness of nuts”). Reduce hesitations and give a specific reason describing contrast and sensory detail.

예시: My favourite chocolate is milk chocolate with almonds because I enjoy the contrast between the smooth, creamy milk chocolate and the crunchiness of the almonds. This combination always satisfies my sweet tooth.

제안: Clarify meaning and correct vocabulary (e.g., ‘recipient’, ‘likes sweets’). Use a conditional structure clearly: state you would give chocolate if the recipient likes sweets, and give a brief reason or example. Avoid trailing off.

예시: I think it depends on the recipient’s preferences. If someone likes sweets, I would give a chocolate gift box because most people appreciate a nice, high-quality chocolate as a thoughtful present.

× Well I only uh have chocolate occasionally.

✓ Well, I only have chocolate occasionally.

Extra filler 'uh' is spoken hesitation; remove to make sentence fluent. Also add comma after 'Well' for natural speech rhythm. This is an incorrect use of fillers rather than a strict grammar error; cleaning them improves clarity.

× Sometime I feel like sweet craving.

✓ Sometimes I feel a sweet craving.

Use 'Sometimes' (adverb) instead of 'Sometime'. Countable noun 'craving' needs an article 'a' when singular. Suggestion: use 'Sometimes I get sweet cravings' if you mean them in plural.

× I would just buy a small part of chocolate where I can umm treat myself with the Milky and coca rich flavor and umm I was just a small but chocolate room for make me gain great.

✓ I would just buy a small piece of chocolate so I can treat myself to the milky, rich cocoa flavor, and I would save a small amount of chocolate to make myself feel good.

Multiple issues: 'part of chocolate' should be 'piece of chocolate' (word choice). 'where I can treat myself with' should be 'so I can treat myself to' (correct preposition: 'to' after 'treat myself'). 'Milky and coca rich flavor' needs reordering and correct words: 'milky, rich cocoa flavor.' The latter clause was ungrammatical; rephrased to convey intended meaning. Avoid filler 'umm'.

× Well, I would say I only eat chocolate once a month.

✓ Well, I would say I only eat chocolate once a month.

This sentence is acceptable; 'would say' is a polite modal use and present simple 'eat' fits habitual action. No correction needed.

× When I have the sweet cravings I would just buy a small bar of almond chocolate because I love the combination of creamy rich cocoa flavour with thinness and almonds.

✓ When I have sweet cravings I usually buy a small bar of almond chocolate because I love the combination of creamy, rich cocoa flavor with the crunch of almonds.

Remove 'the' before 'sweet cravings' when speaking generally. 'Would just buy' can be 'usually buy' for habitual action. 'Thinness' is wrong word choice for texture; use 'the crunch' or 'the crunchiness'. Add comma between 'creamy' and 'rich' and use American/British consistent spelling ('flavor' or 'flavour').

× It would give me it would start. It would make you satisfied.

✓ It satisfies me and makes me feel satisfied.

Original is fragmented and repetitive. Use present simple for general effect: 'It satisfies me' and 'makes me feel satisfied.' Ensure pronoun consistency: 'me' not 'you' when referring to the speaker.

× Well, when I was a kid I did have that massive chocolate as that I would love to because this was so expensive in my country back then.

✓ Well, when I was a kid I did have large chocolate bars that I loved because they were so expensive in my country back then.

'That massive chocolate as that' is ungrammatical. Use plural 'bars' for countable items. 'Did have' is acceptable for emphasis; change 'this was' to 'they were' to agree with plural and past tense.

× But now when I'm in, I wanna live in Australia where the chocolate are very, uh, affordable and a very variety.

✓ But now that I'm living in Australia, chocolate is very affordable and comes in a wide variety.

'When I'm in, I wanna live' is confused; use 'now that I'm living in Australia' or 'now that I'm in Australia.' 'Chocolate' as a general uncountable noun takes singular verb 'is', not 'are.' 'A very variety' incorrect — use 'a wide variety' or 'comes in many varieties.' Replace colloquial 'wanna' with 'want to' or 'I'm living' for clarity.

× So sometime I will do treat myself with a small bar of chocolate.

✓ So sometimes I will treat myself to a small bar of chocolate.

Use 'sometimes' (adverb). 'Do treat' is unnecessary; 'treat myself to' uses correct preposition. 'With' is incorrect here.

× Chocolate is really popular rather well, especially with the kids because umm, the take, the creamy texture and the rich flavour of cocoa would make your would make the children sacrifice when eating.

✓ Chocolate is really popular, especially with children, because the creamy texture and rich cocoa flavor make them happy when eating it.

Remove filler 'umm' and 'rather well.' 'The take' is incorrect. 'Would make your would make the children sacrifice' is ungrammatical and unclear. Use 'make them happy' or 'appeal to children.' Ensure pronoun agreement: 'them' refers to children.

× But I eat chocolate also come in different forms, especially like cake, umm, milk and uh, the other sweet.

✓ Chocolate also comes in different forms, especially in cakes, milk chocolate, and other sweets.

Subject-verb order wrong: 'chocolate also comes' is correct. Use plural 'cakes' and 'sweets' for general categories. Remove fillers.

× My favorite of chocolate would be almond with and Milky chocolate because I love the contrast between the milk, the creamy, uh, texture and the country of nut would make me uh, would satisfy my sweet tooth, uh, sometime when I have.

✓ My favorite chocolate is almond with milky chocolate because I love the contrast between the creamy texture and the nutty flavor; it satisfies my sweet tooth sometimes.

'Favorite of chocolate' should be 'favorite chocolate.' Remove 'and' after 'with.' 'Milky' should be lowercase. 'Country of nut' is wrong; use 'nutty flavor.' Simplify and use present simple 'is' and 'satisfies' for habits. Place 'sometimes' at end.

× Well, I think it depend on the receipt between, uh, taste, uh, if someone who really slips wheat like one of my previous managers, I would definitely buy a gift, a chocolate gift box for that person because they would really enjoy and appreciate the gift and.

✓ Well, I think it depends on the recipient's taste. If someone really likes sweets, like one of my previous managers, I would definitely buy a chocolate gift box for that person because they would enjoy and appreciate it.

Use 'depends' for third person singular (subject-verb agreement). 'Receipt' is wrong word; use 'recipient.' 'Slips wheat' is incorrect; intended 'likes sweets.' Remove duplicate 'gift' and incomplete ending; finish with 'appreciate it.' Replace colloquial fillers and ensure clarity.