Shoes— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is somewhat clear but could be more natural and concise. Avoid redundancy and filler words like 'uh'. Also, clarify unclear parts such as 'especially in RAW'. Use linking words to improve coherence.

예시: Yes, I like buying shoes, but not very often because I usually can't find my favorite styles in local shops or online. Therefore, I sometimes buy shoes when I travel abroad, especially in places known for good shoe markets.

제안: Your answer is relevant but contains some grammatical errors and filler words. Try to use correct verb forms and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

예시: Yes, I have bought several pairs of shoes online. I usually shop on Amazon because they provide detailed size charts, which help me choose the right size without any problems. This makes online shopping very convenient and reliable.

제안: Your answer is incomplete and contains many filler words. Try to complete your thoughts clearly and avoid hesitation. Use linking words to explain your reasons logically.

예시: I usually spend a moderate amount of money on shoes because I believe expensive shoes are more comfortable and durable. In contrast, cheap shoes can cause discomfort while walking, so I prefer to invest in quality footwear.

제안: Your answer shows good ideas but is unclear due to many hesitations and incomplete sentences. Try to organize your answer with clear topic sentences and supporting details, using linking words to connect ideas.

예시: It's a dilemma for me because I prefer fashionable shoes when shopping, but comfortable shoes when walking. Therefore, I try to find shoes that combine both qualities. For example, I choose fashionable shoes for evening events, but comfortable ones for work.

× I cannot find my favorite shoes in shops also online.

✓ I cannot find my favorite shoes in shops or online.

The use of 'also' is incorrect here; 'or' is the appropriate conjunction to indicate alternatives between shops and online.

× Because of it, I sometimes buy uh shoes when I'm abroad during traveling, especially in RAW.

✓ Because of that, I sometimes buy shoes when I'm abroad traveling, especially in RAW.

'Because of it' is awkward; 'because of that' is better. Also, 'during traveling' is incorrect; 'abroad traveling' or 'when traveling abroad' is correct.

× I have bought a couple of piles of shoes online.

✓ I have bought a couple of pairs of shoes online.

'Piles' is incorrect when referring to shoes; the correct quantifier is 'pairs' for shoes.

× because they have provide the detailed size chart which helps me to choose, uh, choose the right size of which uh, without any problems.

✓ because they provide a detailed size chart which helps me choose the right size without any problems.

'have provide' is incorrect; it should be 'provide'. Also, 'helps me to choose' can be simplified to 'helps me choose'. 'Of which' is unnecessary and incorrect here.

× I usually spend moderate amount of money, uh, to buying shoes because I think expensive shoes are more comfortable and durable.

✓ I usually spend a moderate amount of money on buying shoes because I think expensive shoes are more comfortable and durable.

'Moderate amount' needs the article 'a'. Also, 'to buying' is incorrect; it should be 'on buying'.

× Uh, cheap shoes may maybe, uh, uh, disturb you while walking, umm, uh.

✓ Cheap shoes may disturb you while walking.

'May maybe' is redundant and incorrect; only one modal verb 'may' is needed.

× Therefore I am.

✓ Therefore, I avoid buying cheap shoes.

The sentence 'Therefore I am.' is incomplete and unclear; it needs a complete thought to make sense.

× Oh, it's dilemma because when I'm looking, I prefer fashionable shoes and when I'm walking I prefer, uh, comfortable shoes because of it.

✓ Oh, it's a dilemma because when I'm looking, I prefer fashionable shoes, and when I'm walking, I prefer comfortable shoes because of that.

'It's dilemma' needs the article 'a'. Also, 'because of it' is awkward; 'because of that' is better. Commas are needed for clarity.

× I search and choose, uh, both in one, uh, sometimes when I'm going, uh, the uh, uh, presentable, uh, evening, I prefer fashionable, but for work.

✓ I search and choose both in one sometimes; when I'm going to a presentable evening event, I prefer fashionable shoes, but for work...

The sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'Both in one' is vague; it should be 'both in one pair' or 'both qualities in one'. Also, 'the presentable evening' needs an article and clearer phrasing.