Shoes— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is natural and engaging with a clear topic sentence. To improve, reduce redundancy and keep it within 3–4 concise sentences. Use one linking phrase to connect reasons and add a brief frequency phrase (e.g., "almost every month") to be more specific.

예시: Yes, I love buying shoes and I go shopping almost every month. I’m known as a shoe addict among my friends because bright colors and different textures really attract me, so I often end up buying a new pair when I visit a mall.

제안: Good anecdote but hesitations and filler words weaken fluency. Be more concise and use linking words to sequence events. Include a brief evaluation and a lesson learned to enrich content.

예시: Yes, I once bought a pair of white heels on Facebook, but the experience was disappointing. The size was smaller than advertised and the color turned out to be beige, so now I prefer buying shoes from reliable online stores with good return policies.

제안: Your answer addresses the question but includes a grammatical error and is a bit long-winded. State a typical price range or budget, then mention the habit and a specific strategy you use to control spending. Use linking words like "so" or "therefore."

예시: It depends, but typically I spend about $50–$150 per pair. However, buying shoes has become an unhealthy habit, so I’m trying to limit it by keeping a monthly budget and tracking my shoe expenditures.

제안: The unexpected joke ('I prefer birds') and hesitations reduce clarity. Give a direct answer first (fashionable or comfortable), then briefly justify with a specific reason and an example. Avoid irrelevant remarks and fillers.

예시: I prefer fashionable shoes because I enjoy the look and variety they offer. For example, I own more stylish heels and sneakers for going out, even though I also keep a few very comfortable pairs for long walks.

× Yes, I remember a pair of white heels that had caught my eye on Facebook, but the experience was not up to the mark.

✓ Yes, I remember a pair of white heels that caught my eye on Facebook, but the experience was not up to the mark.

The past perfect 'had caught' is unnecessary because the context describes a simple past memory; using simple past 'caught' is appropriate. Use past perfect only when referring to an action that occurred before another past action explicitly stated.

× When I got the, umm, heel, it was a size, uh, smaller, and the color was in fact beige, not white.

✓ When I got the heels, they were a size smaller, and the color was beige, not white.

The original mixes singular 'heel' with plural context and has disfluent fillers. Use plural 'heels' and match pronoun 'they'. Also remove filler words and redundant phrasing 'in fact'. Place 'a size smaller' directly after the subject for clarity.

× Depends, if I have a strong interest in one pair I will end up paying a lot for it, but by now it has become an unhealthy habit which I'm trying to limit by keeping track of the ex expenditure I do on my shoes collection.

✓ It depends: if I have a strong interest in one pair, I will end up paying a lot for it, but by now it has become an unhealthy habit that I'm trying to limit by keeping track of my expenditure on my shoe collection.

The sentence lacked a clear subject at the start; add 'It'. Replace 'which' with 'that' for defining clause. Remove awkward 'ex' and reorder 'expenditure on my shoe collection' for natural phrasing. Use 'shoe collection' (singular noun used attributively) and 'my' for possessive pronoun agreement.

× I prefer birds, but if I were to, uh, divide my collection and weight on a scale, I think fashionable shoes would weigh more.

✓ I prefer comfort, but if I were to divide my collection on a scale, I think fashionable shoes would weigh more.

The original 'I prefer birds' is likely a lexical error; context asks fashionable vs comfortable shoes so 'comfort' fits. Remove filler 'uh' and incorrect 'and weight' — use 'on a scale' to indicate weighing. Ensure pronouns and verbs remain consistent and concise.

× The bright colors, textures, these different styles all intrigue me and I see myself buying a new pair every time I go to a mall.

✓ The bright colors, textures, and different styles all intrigue me, and I see myself buying a new pair every time I go to a mall.

The list of items needs 'and' connecting the final element; adding commas and the conjunction corrects sentence flow. The verb 'intrigue' correctly agrees with the plural subject; adding 'and' improves parallel structure and readability.