Shoes— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve grammar, clarity and conciseness. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct count/frequency expressions, and avoid repetition. Use linking words to explain reasons. Aim for 2–4 sentences and correct plural/singular forms and verb tenses.

예시: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes. I usually buy a new pair once or twice a month because I get bored wearing the same shoes all the time, and changing them helps refresh my outfits.

제안: Focus on natural phrasing and correct comparative forms. Begin with a direct answer, then give specific reasons with linking words (for example, because, so). Avoid redundant phrases like "more cheaper."

예시: Yes, I often buy shoes online because prices are usually cheaper than in physical stores. Also, many websites offer discounts and free shipping, which makes online shopping more convenient and affordable.

제안: Give a clear numeric range and link it to reasons using correct grammar. Avoid filler words and unclear phrases. Use currency phrasing correctly (e.g., "around 2 to 3 million rupiah") and explain why you pay that amount in one or two supporting sentences.

예시: I usually spend around 2 million to 3 million rupiah on a pair of shoes because I prefer good quality materials and comfortable construction. In my experience, higher-priced shoes last longer and are more comfortable for daily wear.

제안: Give a direct preference sentence, then add one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid irrelevant justification (gender) unless it truly supports your answer; focus on how fashion fits your needs. Use clearer vocabulary and complete sentences.

예시: I prefer fashionable shoes because I enjoy styling outfits for different occasions. For example, I like shoes that match my "outfit of the day" so I can look put-together, even if they are less comfortable for long walks.

× I really like buying a shoes like UH-2 until three times in a month because I usually got boring when I'm not changing my shoes so I can buy a new shoes in every month.

✓ I really like buying shoes like UH-2 up to three times a month because I usually get bored when I do not change my shoes, so I buy new shoes every month.

Errors include incorrect article use ('a shoes' and 'a new shoes' should be plural 'shoes' without 'a'), incorrect verb forms ('got boring' -> 'get bored' for passive feeling), wrong tense/aspect ('I'm not changing' -> 'I do not change' to express habitual action), and awkward preposition/phrase use ('until three times in a month' -> 'up to three times a month', 'in every month' -> 'every month'). Suggestion: use plural 'shoes' without 'a', use 'get bored' for becoming bored, use simple present for habits, and use 'up to' or 'as many as' for frequency limits.

× Yeah, I get the shoes usually in online because the price is more cheaper than the original stores or the offline stores.

✓ Yeah, I usually buy shoes online because the prices are cheaper than in physical stores.

Preposition and word order errors: 'in online' should be 'online'; 'get the shoes usually' is unnatural—use 'usually buy shoes'; 'more cheaper' is incorrect (double comparative). Also 'original stores or the offline stores' is unclear—use 'physical stores'. Suggestion: place adverb 'usually' before the verb, use 'online' without a preposition, use comparative 'cheaper' not 'more cheaper', and use 'physical stores' for non-online retailers.

× So I prefer to buy a shoes in online because there is a lot of discount and I can get a more cheaper price.

✓ So I prefer to buy shoes online because there are many discounts and I can get cheaper prices.

Article misuse: 'a shoes' should be 'shoes' (plural, no 'a'). Preposition 'in online' incorrect—use 'online'. 'There is a lot of discount' should be 'there are many discounts' (count noun and agreement). 'More cheaper' is incorrect; use 'cheaper'. Suggestion: use correct plurality and agreement, place 'online' after the verb, and avoid double comparatives.

× Usually I spend a money on a shoes is around about 2 million until 3,000,000 because I really love that quality of the shoes is not uh, like cheaper quality and I really love life, love the. Good quality.

✓ Usually I spend around 2,000,000 to 3,000,000 on shoes because I prefer shoes that are good quality rather than cheap ones.

Problems: 'a money' and 'a shoes' are incorrect articles with uncountable/countable nouns; use 'spend around X on shoes'. 'Is around about 2 million until 3,000,000' incorrect—use 'around 2,000,000 to 3,000,000'. The clause about quality is ungrammatical—rephrase to 'I prefer shoes that are good quality rather than cheap ones.' Suggestion: remove unnecessary articles, use correct range expression 'X to Y' or 'around X', and compare quality using 'rather than' with plural 'ones'.

× Because I am a woman, so I choose I prefer to uh, fashionable shoes than uh, comfortable shoes.

✓ Because I am a woman, I prefer fashionable shoes to comfortable ones.

Redundant conjunctions: beginning with 'Because' and adding 'so' is redundant; also 'I choose I prefer' repeats verbs. Comparative preposition is 'prefer A to B', not 'prefer A than B'. 'Comfortable shoes' should be plural 'ones' to avoid repetition. Suggestion: use one linking word, use 'prefer A to B', and avoid repeating verbs.

× Because I really love to do uh, outfit of the day so I can do the nice outfit even if even this is not.

✓ I really love creating outfit-of-the-day looks so I can put together nice outfits even if they are not very fashionable.

The original sentence is fragmented and ungrammatical: 'love to do outfit of the day' should be 'love creating outfit-of-the-day looks' or 'love putting together outfits'. 'So I can do the nice outfit' is awkward and unclear; use 'put together nice outfits'. The ending 'even if even this is not' is incomplete—clarify what 'this' refers to, e.g., 'even if they are not very fashionable.' Suggestion: use a clear verb for assembling outfits, make noun phrases natural ('outfit-of-the-day looks'), and complete the comparative clause.