Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, correct grammar, reduce hesitations and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid filler sounds and correct tense/structure (e.g., “even though” used correctly).

예시: My favourite hobby is drawing. Although I am not formally trained, I enjoy sketching simple pictures in my free time because it helps me relax and express my ideas.

제안: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence, fix grammar and word order, avoid repetitions and hesitations, and give one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Mention when or why you liked dancing to add content.

예시: Yes. As a child I wanted to be a dancer because my aunt used to perform at family events. For example, I would copy her movements every weekend, and dancing always felt refreshing and relaxing to me.

제안: Give a direct answer first, then provide a concise explanation with linking words and one specific example. Reduce fillers and correct awkward phrases (e.g., “my interests change over time”).

예시: No, I don't. My interests change over time, so I try different activities each year. For instance, I was into biking last year, but this year I enjoy drawing instead.

제안: Answer directly and clearly, avoid repetition and hesitations, and use correct tense. Provide a specific comparison and a linking word to connect ideas (e.g., “however” or “also”).

예시: Yes, partly. When I was about 15 I wanted to be a singer, and my father also enjoys singing, so we shared that interest for a while. However, he continues to sing regularly while I have since moved on to other hobbies.

× I even though I don't know how to draw, I just uh, I love to scratch something on the paper so I think drawing is one of my favorite hobbies.

✓ Even though I don't know how to draw, I just love to scribble on paper, so I think drawing is one of my favorite hobbies.

The original sentence misused 'I even though' and had unnecessary pronoun repetition ('I just uh, I'). Also 'scratch something on the paper' is unnatural; 'scribble on paper' is idiomatic. Remove filler words and reorder the clause: 'Even though I don't know how to draw' is the correct concessive structure followed by the main clause. Use consistent pronouns and natural verb-object collocation.

× Oh, what a was a child I would like to be I wanted to be a dancer.

✓ When I was a child, I wanted to be a dancer.

The original has scrambled word order and extra phrases ('what a was a child I would like to be'). Use the correct time clause 'When I was a child' followed by the past-tense main clause 'I wanted to be a dancer.' This corrects sentence structure and tense usage.

× Umm, honestly, my my aunts used to be used to dance, so I just follow the way she moved there since from then.

✓ Honestly, my aunts used to dance, so I followed the way they moved since then.

Problems: repeated words ('my my'), incorrect use of 'used to be used to dance', wrong pronoun agreement ('she' for 'aunts'), and awkward time phrase ('there since from then'). Use 'used to dance' to indicate past habit, change 'follow' to past 'followed' to match timeframe, and use plural pronoun 'they.' 'Since then' is the correct temporal phrase.

× Umm, I wanted to be a dancer. So yeah, I remember it's so refreshing and relaxing when I make the move.

✓ I wanted to be a dancer. So yeah, I remember it was so refreshing and relaxing when I made the moves.

Tense inconsistency: remembering a past experience should use past tense in the subordinate clause. Change 'it's' to 'it was' and 'make the move' to 'made the moves' or 'made the movement(s)' to reflect past action. Also 'moves' plural is more natural for dancing.

× Umm, not really because, uh, my mind is changing over time.

✓ Not really, because my interests change over time.

'My mind is changing over time' is awkward; for habitual or general change use simple present 'change.' Also 'interests' fits context better than 'mind.' Use concise phrasing to improve clarity.

× So let's say each year and year I got different hobbies.

✓ So let's say each year I get different hobbies.

Tense and phrasing: 'each year and year' is redundant and 'I got' is past; for a habitual pattern use simple present 'I get.' Also remove redundancy.

× Last year I had umm, biking, now I have drawing.

✓ Last year I enjoyed biking; now I enjoy drawing.

Verb choice and tense: 'had biking' is incorrect collocation. Use 'enjoyed biking' for past habit and 'enjoy' for current habit to keep parallel structure. Maintain simple past for finished past timeframe and simple present for current state.

× I, I'm not sure next year, uh, what's my hobby? What's my hobby is?

✓ I'm not sure what my hobby will be next year.

The original contains fragmented questions and incorrect word order. For future uncertainty use 'will be' and proper indirect question form: 'what my hobby will be next year.' This corrects sentence structure and tense.

× When I was 15, I used to, I, I wanted to be a singer.

✓ When I was 15, I wanted to be a singer.

Redundant fillers ('I used to, I, I') cause confusion. Simplify to 'I wanted' which correctly expresses past desire. No 'used to' is necessary here unless indicating a repeated past action.

× Umm, yeah. My dad, my dad, he has a hobby, uh, which is singing.

✓ My dad has a hobby: singing.

Remove repetition ('my dad, my dad, he') and unnecessary filler. Use concise appositive or colon to state the hobby. Pronoun 'he' is redundant after naming 'my dad.'

× So I think we both have, we both had a similar hobbies and, but he is still the same.

✓ So I think we both had similar hobbies, but his hobby is still the same.

Problems: 'we both have, we both had' mixes tenses; 'a similar hobbies' uses singular article with plural noun. Choose past or present consistently; here 'both had similar hobbies' fits earlier context. Clarify second clause to 'his hobby is still the same.'

× I, his hobby is still the same until now.

✓ His hobby is still the same now.

'Until now' implies a change may have just occurred; 'still the same now' or 'has been the same until now' are clearer. Remove stray pronoun 'I.' Use present simple to describe a current, ongoing state.