Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific details. Avoid general statements like “essential for the development of person” and reduce hesitation. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “and,” “also,” or “because”).

예시: Yes. I have several hobbies; I enjoy playing badminton, practicing the piano, and dancing. For example, I play badminton twice a week to stay fit, and I practice piano in the evenings to relax.

제안: Organize the answer chronologically and use clear linking words (first, then, but). Avoid tense errors and unclear phrases. Be specific about ages or stages and reasons. Keep it to 2–3 concise sentences.

예시: Yes. I started taking dance classes in primary school, and I continued until the end of primary school. However, when I went to middle school I focused more on academics, so I stopped dancing for a while.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and precise timeframe without filler words. Replace vague phrases like “set up” and “longest habit” with natural expressions (e.g., “started” and “longest hobby”). Use linking words to explain continuity.

예시: Yes. I started dancing when I was in primary school and I have continued it for eight years. It has been my longest-running hobby because I enjoy performing and training regularly.

제안: Answer directly and avoid repetition. Use clear reasons and concise linking phrases (for example, “because” and “so”). Correct grammar (e.g., “my family all like playing badminton,” “it strengthens our relationship”). Provide one specific detail about family activities.

예시: Yes. My family all enjoys playing badminton together. My father introduced the sport to us, and playing weekly has helped us bond and stay active.

× hobbies are essential for the development of person.

✓ hobbies are essential for the development of a person.

The noun 'person' needs an article. Use the indefinite article 'a' because you are referring to a non-specific individual. Suggestion: say 'the development of a person' or more naturally 'a person's development.'

× for me, I like badminton, piano, and dancing.

✓ for me, I like badminton, the piano, and dancing.

When mentioning musical instruments, English commonly uses the definite article 'the' (the piano). Sports usually omit an article. Suggestion: 'I like badminton, the piano, and dancing.'

× They're all my favorite activities to express my emotions.

✓ They are all my favorite activities for expressing my emotions.

Use 'for expressing' to indicate purpose; 'to express' is possible but 'for expressing' sounds more natural here. Also avoid contraction in formal correction: 'They are.'

× when I'm in middle school, I know when, when I'm in primary school, I started my dancing class,

✓ when I was in middle school... when I was in primary school, I started my dance class,

Talking about childhood requires past tense 'was' and 'started.' Use past tense consistently. Also 'dance class' is more natural than 'dancing class.'

× but because of the increasing praise in the Academy, so I, I forgot it in my middle school.

✓ but because of increasing pressure at the academy, I stopped during middle school.

Sentence combined 'because' and 'so' which is redundant. 'Increasing praise' likely intended as 'increasing pressure.' Use simple past 'stopped' for completed action and avoid unnecessary fillers.

× I set up dancing when I'm in primary school and I have kept it for eight years.

✓ I started dancing when I was in primary school and I kept it up for eight years.

Use 'started' (simple past) for when the action began. 'Kept it up' is a natural phrasal verb for continuing a hobby. 'When I was' matches past context.

× so it was a, it was a longest habit that I kept.

✓ so it was the longest habit that I kept.

Use the definite article 'the' with superlative 'longest.' Also 'habit' is odd for a hobby; 'activity' or 'habit' is acceptable but 'the longest hobby I kept' is an alternative.

× my family all like play badminton and to be honest their hobby is because because my hobby of family time is because of my father because he like it so much and it will be a good way to stronger relationship.

✓ My family all like to play badminton. To be honest, our family hobby started because of my father: he likes it so much, and it is a good way to strengthen our relationships.

Multiple issues: verb forms ('like play' -> 'like to play'), pronouns ('their hobby' ambiguous -> 'our family hobby'), repetition of 'because', subject-verb agreement ('he like' -> 'he likes'), and word choice ('stronger relationship' -> 'strengthen our relationships'). Rephrase into two sentences for clarity.