Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct minor grammar/wording issues; group related ideas and use linking words for clarity. Limit to max 4–5 sentences and add a brief topic sentence followed by specific supporting details with connectors.

예시: I enjoy several hobbies, including reading, drawing, golf and badminton. For instance, golf helps me relax and gives me a chance to meet new people, whereas reading expands my knowledge. Drawing, on the other hand, lets me express my emotions and ideas visually.

제안: Fix grammar and coherence: give a clear topic sentence, correct tense and remove repetitions. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide a short specific example about stamp collecting or drawing.

예시: Yes, I did. As a child I loved drawing and collecting stamps. For example, I often swapped stamps with my best friend, which helped me build a varied collection and taught me how to negotiate. Drawing also kept me calm and imaginative.

제안: Very good: clear topic sentence, relevant details and coherence. To improve further, add a brief linking phrase explaining why this hobby matters to you personally (e.g., benefits to creativity or family bond) and keep sentences varied.

예시: Yes, I have loved drawing since childhood and I still practise it regularly. I often draw with my two children; sometimes we create separate pieces, and other times we collaborate on a single picture. This hobby not only boosts my creativity but also strengthens our family bond.

제안: Improve fluency and remove repetitive fragments; combine short sentences and add a linking phrase to show contrast or reason. Be specific about a memorable trip or detail to make the response more vivid.

예시: Yes, I share a hobby with my father: we both love exploring new places. When I was young he often took me on weekend trips to nearby towns, and I enjoyed watching the landscapes while he told stories about the local history. One memorable trip was to an old fishing village where we learned about traditional crafts together.

× Yes, I have a few hobbies such as reading, drawing, golf and badminton.

✓ Yes, I have a few hobbies such as reading, drawing, golfing and playing badminton.

The list mixes noun forms for activities. Use consistent gerund or verbal noun forms: 'golfing' and 'playing badminton' match 'reading' and 'drawing'. This improves parallelism and clarity.

× They have really enriched my life.

✓ They have really enriched my life.

No grammatical change required; sentence is correct. Kept for completeness to indicate no issue beyond confirming correct present perfect with plural subject.

× For example, playing golf helps me relax and meet new people, while reading helps me gain knowledge and drawing helps me express.

✓ For example, playing golf helps me relax and meet new people, while reading helps me gain knowledge and drawing helps me express myself.

The verb 'express' needs an object or reflexive pronoun. 'Express myself' clarifies the meaning. This fixes a missing object after a transitive verb.

× Yes I did. I love drawing and collecting stamps when I was a kid.

✓ Yes, I did. I loved drawing and collecting stamps when I was a kid.

The speaker refers to past habits, so past tense 'loved' should be used instead of present 'love' to match the time frame 'when I was a kid'.

× A child.

✓ I was a child.

Fragment 'A child.' lacks a verb and subject reference. Expanding to 'I was a child.' completes the sentence and matches context.

× I enjoy swapping stamps with my best friend and share shared with her about my new collection Drawing Held Me.

✓ I enjoyed swapping stamps with my best friend and shared with her about my new collection. Drawing held me.

Multiple issues: tense should be past 'enjoyed' to match childhood context; 'share shared' is redundant and incorrect—use 'shared'; punctuation and capitalization needed. 'Drawing Held Me' appears intended as 'Drawing held me' meaning drawing engaged me; make it a proper past-tense clause.

× Yes, I have loved drawing since I was a child and I still draw now.

✓ Yes, I have loved drawing since I was a child, and I still draw now.

Grammar is acceptable but missing a comma before conjunction in a compound sentence. Kept present perfect 'have loved' because it connects past to present.

× I often draw together with my two children.

✓ I often draw with my two children.

'Together' is unnecessary with 'with'; removing it makes the sentence more natural. Tense and agreement are correct.

× Sometimes we work on separate pieces and other times we collaborate on the same drawing.

✓ Sometimes we work on separate pieces, and other times we collaborate on the same drawing.

Sentence is correct but needs a comma before the conjunction for clarity in a compound sentence.

× It's a good way to spend quality time.

✓ It's a good way to spend quality time.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed.

× Yes, I share the same hobby with my father.

✓ Yes, I share the same hobby as my father.

Common collocation is 'share the same hobby as someone' or 'share a hobby with someone.' Using 'with my father' is acceptable, but 'as my father' is more natural here; either is grammatically correct. This suggestion improves idiomatic phrasing.

× When I was young, he often took me on weekend trips to nearby towns.

✓ When I was young, he often took me on weekend trips to nearby towns.

Sentence is correct past-tense; no change needed.

× I enjoy. I enjoy watching different landscapes while my father talked about the history and stories about the local area and people.

✓ I enjoyed watching different landscapes while my father talked about the history and stories of the local area and its people.

'I enjoy.' is an incomplete tense and doesn't match past context; change to past 'I enjoyed'. Also adjust 'about the local area and people' to 'of the local area and its people' for natural phrasing and remove redundant 'about'.