Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be concise, accurate and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense/age phrasing, avoid filler words and redundancy, and add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Also watch small grammar points (use 'since age 8' or 'since I was 8'; 'for four years' if current).

예시: I enjoy several hobbies, but my favourite is tennis. I have played tennis since I was eight, so I have played it for about four years. Moreover, I like it because it keeps me fit and offers opportunities to compete in local tournaments.

제안: Provide a clear, grammatical topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Avoid awkward phrasing like 'most preferable' and repetition. Use linking words (for example, 'because' or 'and') and give a concrete reason or memory.

예시: When I was a child I practised many activities, but my favourite was rhythmic gymnastics. I loved it because it improved my flexibility and coordination, and I enjoyed the artistic movements and music used in performances.

제안: Clarify meaning and correct grammar. Begin with a direct topic sentence stating the hobby and how long you've had it. Remove unclear phrases ('hobby employee', 'enjoy it for its eyes') and avoid slang ('gonna'). Use linking words to explain reasons and give a realistic prediction if asked.

예시: Yes. I have practised rhythmic gymnastics since childhood; I started when I was about six. I enjoy it because it combines athletic skill and artistic expression, and I hope to continue it recreationally for many years.

제안: Answer directly then give concise contrasting details. Correct grammar and phrasing (e.g. 'no, none of my family members share my hobbies'). Use linking words (however, while) to compare and provide specific examples of family hobbies without repetition.

예시: No, none of my family members share my hobbies. For example, my brothers prefer football while I play tennis; my father enjoys chess and the piano, and my mother took vocal lessons.

× I've been doing tennis since I'm 8 so it's been 4 years now and I absolutely love playing it.

✓ I've been playing tennis since I was 8, so it's been 4 years now and I absolutely love it.

Use of present continuous 'doing tennis' is unnatural; 'play' is the correct verb. 'Since' must be followed by a point in time, so use past-tense 'I was 8' rather than 'I'm 8'. Also shorten 'playing it' to 'it' after 'love' for natural phrasing.

× I would recommend it to anyone everybody because you also get to participate in tournaments and win and get certificates.

✓ I would recommend it to everybody because you can participate in tournaments, win, and get certificates.

Using both 'anyone' and 'everybody' is redundant; choose one ('everybody'). 'You also get to' is informal; use 'you can' for general ability. Use commas to separate items in a list.

× As a child, I had tons of hobbies and my most preferable one, the ones I look back at, the hobbies that I did is probably rhythmic gymnastics.

✓ As a child, I had many hobbies, and my favourite one that I look back on was probably rhythmic gymnastics.

'Tons of' is informal; 'many' is more appropriate. 'Most preferable' is incorrect; use 'favourite'. The relative clauses were mixed and ungrammatical; use 'that I look back on' and match verb tense 'was' for past.

× I don't only adore the flexibility that I get from there, but I absolutely value the art of it being gymnastics.

✓ I not only adore the flexibility I gained from it, but I also value the art of rhythmic gymnastics.

'There' is incorrect when referring to the sport; use 'it' or 'rhythmic gymnastics'. 'I don't only' should be 'I not only' with parallel structure 'but I also'. 'Being gymnastics' is ungrammatical; rephrase to 'the art of rhythmic gymnastics'. Past reference 'gained' fits earlier childhood context.

× It's in my opinion, it's not just a sport, it's art.

✓ In my opinion, it's not just a sport; it's an art.

Avoid repeating 'it's' unnecessarily; begin with 'In my opinion'. 'Art' as a noun here needs an article: 'an art'. Use a semicolon or period to separate the clauses.

× The rhythmic gymnastics is a hobby employee since childhood.

✓ Rhythmic gymnastics has been my hobby since childhood.

Sentence is ungrammatical: 'hobby employee' is nonsense. Use present perfect 'has been' to indicate a continued state from childhood to present and correct word order.

× As I mentioned before, I enjoy it for its eyes and not only because of the flexibility that you get there.

✓ As I mentioned before, I enjoy it for its aesthetics, not only because of the flexibility it gives you.

'For its eyes' is incorrect; likely meant 'aesthetics' or 'artistry'. 'That you get there' is awkward; use 'it gives you'. Keep phrasing concise.

× And I personally believe that I'm gonna be doing rhythmic gymnastics for a long time because world would all the years go.

✓ And I personally believe that I will continue doing rhythmic gymnastics for a long time as the years go by.

'Gonna' is informal; use 'will'. 'Be doing' can be replaced by 'continue doing' for clarity. 'World would all the years go' is ungrammatical; use 'as the years go by' to express time passing.

× No I don't have any family members that do same home business.

✓ No, I don't have any family members who have the same hobbies.

'Do same home business' is incorrect and unclear. Likely meant 'the same hobbies'. Use 'who' for people and include 'the' before 'same hobbies'.

× Me my brothers enjoy playing football while I prefer playing tennis.

✓ My brothers enjoy playing football, while I prefer playing tennis.

Beginning with 'Me' is incorrect; use 'My brothers' as the subject. Use a comma before 'while' to separate contrasting clauses.

× While my dad he did chess and played the piano and my mom she went to vocal lessons.

✓ My dad used to play chess and the piano, and my mom took vocal lessons.

Avoid subject duplication 'my dad he'. Use 'used to' to indicate past habitual actions and parallel structure 'play chess and the piano'. 'Went to vocal lessons' is better expressed as 'took vocal lessons'.

× None of my family members have the same hobbies.

✓ None of my family members has the same hobbies.

'None' can be singular or plural, but formal subject-verb agreement with 'none' referring to 'not one' takes singular 'has'. If meaning 'no members', singular is acceptable; alternatively 'None of my family members have the same hobbies as me' is also common in speech.