Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and concise: give one topic sentence, then 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar and word choice (e.g., “clear on my mind” → “always on my mind”; “Walking out makes me product” → “Going for walks makes me more productive”). Avoid listing too many hobbies without detail.

예시: I have a few hobbies, but my main one is playing the guitar because it helps me relax after work. In addition, I go to the gym regularly to stay fit, and I often go for walks in the evening to clear my head and boost my productivity.

제안: Good content and specific example. Improve coherence by adding linking words and correcting tense/phrasing (e.g., “I was excited” → “I felt excited”; “could be lasting memories” → “creates lasting memories”). Keep it concise and avoid repetition.

예시: When I was a child, I loved building plastic models like Gundam because assembling small parts was challenging and fun. Now I still build models with my children, and doing this together creates lasting family memories.

제안: Be precise with tense and phrasing: use present perfect or simple past appropriately (e.g., “I have loved singing since I was a child”). Clarify and shorten sentences, add a linking word to connect past and present, and fix phrasing (“elementary school children” → “in elementary school”).

예시: I have loved singing since I was a child; in elementary school my teacher often praised my voice, which made me feel proud. Even now I enjoy singing with my children, so music remains an important part of my life.

제안: Avoid repetition and improve phrasing: use a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., “enjoyable moments” not “very enjoyable moments”; “could be lasting memories” → “creates lasting memories”).

예시: Yes, my children enjoy singing too, so we often have family sing-alongs at home. These sessions are fun for everyone and help create lasting memories for our family.

× My hobby is playing the guitar.

✓ My hobby is playing the guitar.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct. 'Hobby' singular matches 'is'. Note: included for completeness because it is correct.

× It's enjoyable and always clear on my mind.

✓ It's enjoyable and always on my mind.

The adverbial phrase 'on my mind' should follow 'always' to form the idiomatic expression 'always on my mind'. 'Clear on my mind' is not idiomatic in this context. Use 'on my mind' to indicate something you often think about.

× I also like to go to the gym for workout.

✓ I also like to go to the gym to work out.

Use the phrasal verb 'work out' (verb + particle) for exercising. 'For workout' is unidiomatic; use 'to work out' or 'for a workout'. Here 'to work out' matches the infinitive purpose construction following 'like to go'.

× Walking out makes me product.

✓ Walking outside makes me productive.

The intended adjective is 'productive', not the noun 'product'. Also 'walking out' usually means leaving a place abruptly; 'walking outside' is clearer. 'Makes me productive' correctly uses the adjective to describe the effect on the speaker.

× When I was a child, I really enjoyed building plastic models like Gundam.

✓ When I was a child, I really enjoyed building plastic models like Gundam.

Sentence is already correct: past tense 'enjoyed' matches 'When I was a child'. Included to show it fits the tense context.

× I still remember how I was excited and now I enjoy building models with my children.

✓ I still remember how excited I was, and now I enjoy building models with my children.

Adjective order and clause structure: use 'how excited I was' rather than 'how I was excited'. Place the subject and verb in normal order within the subordinate clause. Also add a comma before 'and' to separate clauses.

× I think it could be lasting memories for us.

✓ I think they could be lasting memories for us.

Referring back to 'models' (plural) or 'the experience' requires a plural pronoun 'they' if referring to multiple memories. 'It could be lasting memories' mismatches singular 'it' with plural 'memories'. Also consider 'lasting memories' is fine; use 'they' to match plurality.

× Yes, since I was a child, I would love to sing songs.

✓ Yes, since I was a child, I have loved singing songs.

Using 'would love' is incorrect for a continuous habit from childhood to present. Use present perfect 'have loved' to express a lasting preference from past to present. Also use the gerund 'singing' after 'love' in this context.

× When I was in elementary school children, our teacher praised my songs.

✓ When I was in elementary school, our teacher praised my singing.

'Elementary school children' is unnecessary and misplaced. The correct phrase is 'When I was in elementary school'. Instead of 'praised my songs', the idiomatic object is 'praised my singing' (the act/ability), or 'praised my songs' if referring to specific songs. 'Singing' is more natural here.

× It was very exciting for me and I still remember singing songs with my children.

✓ It was very exciting for me, and I still remember singing songs from that time.

The original mixes past excitement with present memory of the same past event but then implies 'with my children' which could confuse timeline. If the intention is remembering past singing (as a child), clarify 'from that time'. If the intention is singing with current children, use 'I still enjoy singing songs with my children.' The correction clarifies remembering the past event.

× Yes, my children also like singing songs, so we enjoy singing songs together.

✓ Yes, my children also like singing, so we enjoy singing together.

Reduce redundancy: 'singing songs' is repetitive; 'singing' alone is sufficient. This is an adjective/adverbial clarity issue rather than strict grammar but improves naturalness.

× I think it is very enjoyable moments for my family and it could be lasting memories for us.

✓ I think these are very enjoyable moments for my family and they could be lasting memories for us.

Mismatch between singular 'it' and plural 'moments/memories'. Use plural demonstrative 'these' and plural pronoun 'they' to agree with 'moments' and 'memories'.