Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer more concise and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence naming your hobbies, then give one specific supporting detail about why you enjoy one hobby. Avoid run-on sentences and grammar errors (e.g. “after a busy work day,” “it helps me unwind and regain focus,” and complete the final clause). Use linking words like “for example” properly.

예시: I have several hobbies, including reading novels, listening to music and drawing landscapes. For example, I often sketch for half an hour after a busy work day because it helps me unwind and regain focus. This short routine improves my mood and creativity.

제안: This answer is clear and relevant but could be improved with slightly better grammar and a linking phrase to connect ideas. Replace “Even my parents” with “My parents” and change tense consistency (“I practiced regularly for several years”). Add a brief specific detail about what you gained from lessons.

예시: Yes, when I was a child my favorite hobby was playing the piano. My parents encouraged me to attend a music school and I practiced regularly for several years, which greatly improved my technique. As a result, I could play several classical pieces and perform in school concerts.

제안: Good content and structure; make sentences more natural and avoid short fragments. Combine related ideas using linking words and give one specific example of how you improved (e.g. subjects you draw or a milestone).

예시: Yes — drawing is a hobby I've had since childhood. My mother taught me basic sketching techniques, which helped me express my creativity; since then I’ve improved a lot and now I often draw landscapes and portraits in my free time.

제안: Make the answer more fluent and grammatically correct. Use one clear sentence to state the difference, then add a specific contrasting detail with linking words (e.g. “whereas” or “while”). Avoid fillers like “uh” and repeated words. Correct plural: “my brothers and sister” → “my brothers and sister” or “my siblings”.

예시: No, my hobbies differ from my family’s. I prefer staying at home to read novels and draw, whereas my siblings enjoy sports and outdoor adventures, such as hiking and cycling.

× I have several hobbies such as reading novels, listening to music and drawing landscapes and I really enjoy drawing after busy work day because it helps me to unwind and regain focus and for example sketching for half an hour comes my mind and improves my.

✓ I have several hobbies such as reading novels, listening to music, and drawing landscapes, and I really enjoy drawing after a busy workday because it helps me to unwind and regain focus; for example, sketching for half an hour comes to my mind and improves my mood.

Errors involve missing gerund patterns and collocations (Grammar Problem Type 8). 'busy work day' should be 'a busy workday' (article and compound noun). 'comes my mind' is incorrect collocation; correct is 'comes to my mind' or better 'I think of sketching' and 'improves my' is incomplete; specify 'improves my mood' or 'improves my focus'. Also missing commas before 'and' in a list and run-on sentence; break into clearer clauses. Suggestion: use gerunds consistently, include articles where needed, correct collocations, and complete the object of 'improves'.

× Even my parents encouraged me to attend a musical school and take piano lessons, and I practice regularly for several years, which helped me to improve a lot.

✓ Even my parents encouraged me to attend a music school and take piano lessons, and I practiced regularly for several years, which helped me to improve a lot.

The main error is tense inconsistency (Grammar Problem Type 5). The sentence begins in past tense 'encouraged', so 'I practice' must be past tense 'I practiced' to match the time frame. Also 'musical school' is an unnatural collocation; 'music school' is better. Suggestion: keep past tense throughout when describing past habits and choose natural noun phrases.

× A hobby that I've had since my childhood is drawing.

✓ A hobby that I've had since childhood is drawing.

Slight redundancy and unnatural article use (Grammar Problem Type 6). 'since my childhood' is grammatical but 'since childhood' is more natural and concise when describing a time period continuing to the present. Suggestion: prefer 'since childhood' in this context.

× I remember my mom, she was the first person who taught me how to sketch, how to draw, and it helped me to express my creativity.

✓ I remember my mom; she was the first person who taught me how to sketch and draw, and she helped me to express my creativity.

Pronoun and clause connection errors (Grammar Problem Type 12). The comma splice 'I remember my mom, she...' should be separated with a semicolon or period. 'it helped me' is unclear because 'it' does not clearly refer to 'my mom' or 'being taught'; use 'she helped me' to refer to the mother. Suggestion: link clauses correctly and use clear pronouns.

× And since then I've improved a lot and I still draw.

✓ Since then I've improved a lot, and I still draw.

Minor punctuation and tense are acceptable (Grammar Problem Type 6). The original is understandable but needs a comma after the first clause. 'I've improved' (present perfect) correctly relates past to present; 'I still draw' (present simple) is fine for a continuing habit. Suggestion: add a comma and keep tense usage as is.

× No, we don't have the same hobbies in my family, for instance, I prefer staying at home, reading novels, drawing.

✓ No, we don't have the same hobbies in my family. For instance, I prefer staying at home, reading novels, and drawing.

List punctuation and sentence boundary issue relate to singular/plural formatting and sentence structure (Grammar Problem Type 1). The original is a run-on with commas where a period is better. Add 'and' before the last item in the list. Suggestion: separate into two sentences and use the Oxford comma for clarity.

× While my brothers and sister, they are keen on uh, having sport activities, outdoor adventures, they prefer more active uh.

✓ Meanwhile, my brothers and sister are keen on sports activities and outdoor adventures; they prefer more active pursuits.

Pronoun redundancy and awkward phrasing (Grammar Problem Type 12). 'While my brothers and sister, they...' repeats subject; remove the extra pronoun. 'having sport activities' is unnatural; use 'sports activities' or simply 'sports'. 'prefer more active uh' is unfinished and colloquial; complete the thought with 'prefers more active pursuits' or 'they prefer more active activities'. Suggestion: remove redundant pronouns, use natural collocations like 'sports activities', and finish the sentence with a clear noun.