Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organize the response with a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details. Avoid redundant phrases (e.g. “technically” and repeated ideas). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “however” to contrast bus vs car). Keep answer within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes. I usually look out the window when I travel by bus because there is little else to do, and I enjoy watching the changing scenery. However, when I travel by car I am the driver, so I focus on the road rather than taking in the view.

제안: Correct small errors and make the answer more concise and natural. Start with a direct topic sentence (“No, I don’t usually take photos”), then give one reason with a linking word (“because”). Avoid repetition and fix word choice errors (e.g. “senior” -> “scenery”, remove extra prepositions).

예시: No, I don’t usually take photos of scenery from a car window because I prefer to enjoy the moment rather than record it on my phone. For special views I might take one or two photos, but it’s not my habit.

제안: Make the response clearer and more specific. Begin with a direct preference, give one or two concrete reasons or examples (e.g. activities, scenery), and avoid vague or awkward phrases (e.g. “empathize”, “who I am as a person”). Use linking words like “because” and “however” to connect ideas. Keep to 3–4 sentences.

예시: I prefer the mountains because they offer more variety in scenery and activities, such as hiking, forests and panoramic views. However, I also like the sea for its calm atmosphere, so although mountains are my favourite, I still enjoy visiting the coast.

× Often I will look out the window at scenery when traveling by bus because there's not much for me to do.

✓ Often I look out the window at the scenery when traveling by bus because there isn't much for me to do.

The original mixes 'will' with a habitual action; use simple present 'I look' for routines. Also include the definite article 'the' before 'scenery' when referring to the scenery outside a window. Use contraction 'isn't' or 'is not' consistently. Suggestion: use simple present for habits and include appropriate articles.

× But when traveling by car, I am currently the one driving so I'm looking out the windshield.

✓ But when I'm traveling by car, I am the one driving, so I look out the windshield.

The phrase 'I am currently the one driving' is awkward with 'currently' and present continuous 'I'm looking'; for habitual or general situations, simple present 'I look' is better. Combine clauses clearly and remove unnecessary 'currently'. Suggestion: use 'I'm' only when describing a present ongoing moment; use simple present for typical behavior.

× So technically I am looking out a window, but not I guess a window in the sense that you are speaking about.

✓ So technically I am looking out a window, but not, I guess, a window in the sense you mean.

The original word order is awkward and contains unnecessary words ('that you are speaking about'). Rephrase to 'in the sense you mean' and add commas around 'I guess' as a parenthetical. Suggestion: simplify and place parenthetical phrases between commas.

× I don't find myself taking photos of senior outside the car window often because I don't see myself as somebody who likes to capture a moment in on my phone, but someone who likes to enjoy the moment at the time.

✓ I don't find myself taking photos of the scenery outside the car window often because I don't see myself as someone who likes to capture moments on my phone; I prefer to enjoy the moment.

The original has several errors: 'senior' is a typo for 'scenery'; 'somebody' is acceptable but 'someone' is more natural; 'capture a moment in on my phone' has extra preposition 'in' and wrong article; 'someone who likes to enjoy the moment at the time' is redundant and unidiomatic. These are primarily word choice and sentence structure issues. Suggestion: correct typos, remove extra prepositions, use plural 'moments' when speaking generally, and simplify the clause.

× So no, I would not say that I take photos outside the car window.

✓ So no, I would not say that I take photos from the car window.

'Outside the car window' is awkward; native phrasing is 'from the car window' when speaking of taking photos through a window. Tense 'would not say that I take' is acceptable, but 'from' is the correct preposition. Suggestion: use natural prepositions with 'take photos'.

× I would say that I prefer the mountains over the sea.

✓ I would say that I prefer the mountains to the sea.

Use 'prefer X to Y' rather than 'prefer X over Y' in formal English for direct comparisons. Suggestion: use the standard collocation 'prefer ... to ...'.

× The reason I'd say this is because I'm somebody who prefers variety and I believe the mountains have more variety and looking at the mountains emphasizes who I am as a person.

✓ The reason I say this is that I prefer variety, and I believe the mountains offer more of it; looking at the mountains reflects who I am as a person.

Avoid redundant phrases like 'I'd say this is because' and prefer 'this is that' or 'I say this because'. 'I'm somebody who prefers variety' is wordy; 'offer more of it' is clearer. 'Emphasizes who I am' is awkward; 'reflects who I am' is better. Suggestion: simplify and use clearer verbs.

× Well, I would say the sea is beautiful and that me like in the mountains does not take away from me liking the sea.

✓ Well, I would say the sea is beautiful and that my liking of the mountains does not take away from my liking of the sea.

The original uses incorrect pronoun forms ('me like in the mountains') and an awkward structure. Use possessive 'my' and noun phrases 'my liking of...' or rephrase 'just because I like the mountains doesn't mean I don't like the sea.' Suggestion: use correct pronoun forms and consider a natural alternative: 'Just because I like the mountains doesn't mean I don't like the sea.'

× I was saying that the mountains empathize.

✓ I was saying that the mountains appeal to me.

'Empathize' is incorrect here; it means to understand another's feelings and is intransitive with a human subject. The intended meaning is that the mountains 'appeal to' or 'resonate with' the speaker. Suggestion: use verbs appropriate to landscapes, such as 'appeal to', 'resonate with', or 'suit'. 'I was saying' may be unnecessary; simple present 'the mountains appeal to me' is fine.