Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答は直接的で理解できるが、文法と流暢さに改善の余地があります。無駄な言い換え（"or something"）を避け、理由を具体的に述べ、5文以内で構成してください。また不完全な文（"because.")を避け、接続詞で文をつなげて自然さを出してください。例えば、短い理由→具体例→結論の順で整理すると良いです。

예시: Not often. I usually look at my phone or sleep on long journeys, so I rarely focus on the view outside. For example, I often finish emails or listen to music while travelling.

제안: 意味は伝わるが文法ミスと多量のフィラー（umm, uh）が流暢さを低下させています。理由を明確かつ簡潔に述べ、危険であることを説明する際は具体的な表現を使いましょう。文を短くまとめ、接続詞（because, since, as）を使って論理的に繋げてください。

예시: No, I don’t. It’s unsafe to take photos from a moving vehicle because the camera may shake and you could distract the driver. Also, windows often have reflections that ruin the picture.

제안: 良い理由と好みが示されているが、言い直しやフィラーが多く流暢さが損なわれています。支持理由を一つか二つに絞り、具体的な例（例えば好きな場所や活動）を加えて論理的に展開してください。文は5文以内で、スムーズな接続語（because, so, for example）を使いましょう。

예시: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking and the peaceful scenery. For example, when I reach a mountaintop I can relax and enjoy wide views, which helps me unwind after a busy week.

× Not quite often, because.

✓ Not very often.

The original phrase 'Not quite often, because.' is ungrammatical. Use 'Not very often.' to correctly express low frequency in present tense. 'Quite' with 'often' is awkward; 'very often' or 'not very often' are natural. Also remove the stray 'because' which leaves the sentence incomplete. Suggestion: Say 'Not very often' or 'I don't look out very often, because I usually do something else.' to form a complete sentence.

× I usually do something else, for example sleeping in a car or working or something.

✓ I usually do something else, for example sleeping in the car or working.

Using -ing after 'for example' is acceptable, but 'sleeping in a car' should be 'sleeping in the car' if referring to the vehicle being used, and the trailing 'or something' is vague and informal. Keep parallel structure: 'sleeping' and 'working' are both gerunds, which is correct. Suggestion: Use 'I usually do something else, for example sleeping in the car or working.' or '...such as sleeping in the car or working.'

× I don't take photos of the scenery outside the car window because simply, it's very dangerous.

✓ I don't take photos of the scenery outside the car window because it's simply very dangerous.

Word order is awkward: adverb 'simply' should come before or after 'very' depending on emphasis. 'Because simply, it's' with a comma breaks the clause. Correcting to 'because it's simply very dangerous' or 'because it's very dangerous' produces a natural present-tense explanation. Suggestion: 'I don't take photos... because it's very dangerous.'

× Umm, the car moves 1st and uh, if you umm, if you make a body outside the car, umm.

✓ The car is moving, and if you lean your body out of the car, it's dangerous.

Original is ungrammatical and unclear: 'moves 1st' is nonstandard and 'make a body outside the car' is incorrect phrasing. Use 'the car is moving' and 'lean your body out of the car' to convey the intended meaning. Also maintain present continuous for the moving vehicle and correct verb 'lean' for body movement. Suggestion: 'The car is moving, and if you lean your body out of the car, it's dangerous.'

× I'd prefer the mountains because I like walking, hiking and, uh, views from the mountaintops are fascinating and, uh, I can rela I can feel relaxed.

✓ I'd prefer the mountains because I like walking and hiking, the views from the mountaintops are fascinating, and I can feel relaxed.

Several issues: repetition 'I can rela I can' is a false start and should be 'I can feel relaxed.' 'Walking, hiking and, uh, views' lacks parallelism; combine activities then describe views. Use commas to separate clauses. 'I'd prefer' (conditional) is acceptable for preference but present simple 'I prefer' is also possible; keep 'I'd prefer' as original intent. Suggestion: 'I'd prefer the mountains because I like walking and hiking, the views from the mountaintops are fascinating, and I can feel relaxed.'