Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid hesitations and repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Remove filler words like 'uh', 'umm', and avoid contradicting fragments. Also clarify motivations succinctly (e.g., personal enjoyment, memory-keeping).

예시: I enjoy taking pictures of different views because I love photography and it helps me capture memories. For example, when I visit a mountain or coastline, I photograph the light and colors to remember the mood. Although I sometimes share images on social media, I mainly take photos for my own enjoyment and creative practice.

제안: Answer directly and avoid confusion. Decide which you prefer, state it clearly, then support with two specific reasons and one brief example using linking words (because, however, for example). Avoid contradiction and filler words. Be accurate about characteristics of urban vs rural areas.

예시: I prefer rural views because they offer natural scenery and a peaceful atmosphere. For example, village landscapes often have fields, trees and traditional houses, which I find more relaxing. In contrast, urban areas tend to be busier and more built-up, so they feel less peaceful.

제안: Provide a clear preference and balance positive and negative points with specific details. Use linking words to compare (for example, whereas, however). Avoid vague complaints like 'stuff like that'; instead specify reasons such as infrastructure or climate. Keep to three to five concise sentences.

예시: I prefer the views in my own country because the northern regions of Pakistan, like Kashmir and Hazara, are very green and scenic. For example, the valleys have lush forests and clear rivers that are great for photography. However, some southern areas are less picturesque due to dry climate and poor infrastructure, which affects accessibility.

× I love taking pictures of different views because I have a thing for photography.

✓ I love taking pictures of different views because I have a passion for photography.

The original sentence is grammatical but contains an informal expression 'have a thing for' which is acceptable in speech; however, replacing it with 'have a passion for' is more natural and formal. No -ing correction required; this suggestion improves register rather than fixes a strict grammar error.

× It makes me happy and the uh, nature, it makes me happy as well.

✓ It makes me happy, and nature makes me happy as well.

The original repeats the subject and uses a comma around 'nature' incorrectly. Remove the article 'the' before 'nature' because 'nature' is an uncountable noun used in a general sense, and combine clauses to avoid redundancy.

× Like I'm a big fan of visiting different places and taking pictures of them and then posting on it on my social media.

✓ I'm a big fan of visiting different places and taking pictures of them and then posting them on my social media.

Use 'posting them on' rather than 'posting on it on' to match the object 'pictures'. The correct preposition is 'on' for platforms, and the pronoun should agree with 'pictures' (plural): 'them'.

× But it's not. I don't do it to post, I do it for myself.

✓ But that's not the reason; I don't do it to post — I do it for myself.

Fragment 'But it's not.' is incomplete. Replace with 'But that's not the reason' to clarify. Also add a connector and punctuation to improve flow. Grammar problem: sentence without a clear verb/complete idea.

× I think I prefer views in urban areas more because in rural areas it's mostly just buildings and constructions, like new technology.

✓ I think I prefer views in urban areas more because in urban areas there are mostly buildings and constructions and new technology.

The student mixed 'rural' and 'urban' causing pronoun/place confusion. The clause 'in rural areas it's mostly just buildings' is incorrect because rural areas are not characterized by buildings and new technology; likely the speaker meant 'urban areas'. Use 'there are' to introduce plural noun phrase and keep place consistent.

× But in urban, uh, in rural urban no actually meant rural areas. Yes.

✓ Sorry, I meant rural areas.

This is disfluent speech. Correct to a single clear sentence 'Sorry, I meant rural areas.' to convey the correction. The original has repeated, conflicting place words making sentence structure incorrect.

× In rural areas it's more like a natural life.

✓ In rural areas life is more natural.

'It's more like a natural life' is awkward. Recast to 'life is more natural' for natural adjective placement and clearer meaning.

× For example, the villages, the umm, I'm sorry.

✓ For example, villages are more peaceful and connected to nature.

Original trails off; provide a complete example sentence. The fragment lacks a verb and completes the thought.

× I live in Pakistan and I love the views in my country.

✓ I live in Pakistan, and I love the views in my country.

Add a comma before the conjunction 'and' to join two independent clauses. No article error; minor punctuation improvement.

× The northern side is so beautiful, the Kashmir, the Hazara, all these places, it has so much greenery.

✓ The northern side is so beautiful: Kashmir, Hazara, and other places have so much greenery.

Combine clauses correctly and avoid treating plural places as a singular subject. Use plural verb 'have' to agree with multiple places and list them cleanly.

× Whereas the South side is not very pretty or beautiful because of the, uh, bad roads and stuff like that.

✓ Whereas the southern side is not very attractive because of poor roads and similar issues.

Use 'southern' as the adjective form, and 'because of poor roads' is a clearer prepositional phrase. Avoid vague 'stuff like that' in a formal correction; replace with 'similar issues.'