School— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct and concise: state the location clearly, avoid irrelevant personal details, fix grammar and collocations (e.g. “within walking distance”), and limit to 1–2 sentences. Use a topic sentence then one brief supporting detail. Pay attention to articles and prepositions.

예시: My school was very close to my home — it was within walking distance, so I could get there in about ten minutes. That made my daily commute very easy.

제안: Give a clear opinion then support with specific details, avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words (for example, “because” or “also”) and correct noun forms (e.g. “football,” “a green area”). Keep to 2–3 concise sentences.

예시: Yes, I liked my school because it had a large yard and a green area where we played football and volleyball. This friendly environment helped me make many close friends and made school time enjoyable.

제안: Organize with a clear topic sentence and two concrete reasons. Correct verb forms and word choice (e.g. “encouraging,” “motivated us”). Use linking words like “also” and “because.” Avoid awkward phrases like “a few teachers” if you mean several or some.

예시: Yes, I think it was a good place to study because the classrooms and grounds were spacious and there was a well-stocked library where many students studied. Also, the teachers were friendly and encouraging, which motivated us to work harder.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence describing the overall environment, then add 1–2 specific details (positive and negative). Use correct vocabulary (e.g. “green space,” “peers,” “we teased each other”), fix grammar and avoid sentence fragments.

예시: The school environment was lively and green, with a large yard where students played volleyball and football and relaxed. However, some classrooms were small and crowded, which made studying in class less comfortable.

제안: Give a clear opinion and then two specific reasons with correct phrasing. Avoid vague or incomplete sentences; finish your ideas. Use linking words like “because,” “for example,” or “so.” Choose precise vocabulary (e.g. “lose interest” instead of “get jaded”).

예시: Interest in study is very important because it helps students discover their talents and stay motivated to learn. Without interest, students are more likely to lose focus and struggle to persist with difficult subjects.

× I graduated from school, I've been working as a nurse for 15 years.

✓ I graduated from school, and I have been working as a nurse for 15 years.

The original sentence combined past simple ('graduated') with present perfect continuous ('I've been working') without a connector, making it choppy. Adding 'and' links the two clauses smoothly and preserves correct tense usage: past action (graduated) and an action continuing to the present (have been working). Also use 'I have been' for clarity.

× My school was a really close to our house.

✓ My school was really close to our house.

The phrase 'a really close' is incorrect because 'close' is an adjective that does not require the indefinite article here. Remove 'a' to form the correct adjective phrase 'really close to'.

× It was located within a walking of our house so it was really comfortable for me to go there without my food.

✓ It was located within walking distance of our house, so it was really convenient for me to get there without taking any transport.

'Within a walking of our house' is ungrammatical; the correct expression is 'within walking distance of'. Also 'comfortable to go there without my food' is unclear and incorrect: likely intended 'without taking any transport' or 'without needing transportation'. Replace with 'convenient' and 'without taking any transport' for clarity.

× Yes. Uh, it had a big yard of my friends, uh, peers went there.

✓ Yes. It had a big yard where my friends and peers went.

'Yard of my friends' is incorrect possessive/structure. Use a relative clause 'where my friends and peers went' to describe the yard. Also remove filler words for clarity.

× We played the lots of, uh, things like footballs, volleyballs and the like.

✓ We played lots of games and sports like football and volleyball.

'The lots of' is ungrammatical; use 'lots of' or 'lots of games'. Also 'footballs' and 'volleyballs' as plural nouns are acceptable but 'football' and 'volleyball' as sports sound more natural. Rephrase to improve sentence structure and clarity.

× And also, uh, we had a greener spot.

✓ We also had a green area/spot.

'Greener' is comparative and implies comparison; without a comparison target, use 'green' to describe the area. 'Green area' or 'green space' is more natural.

× So it improved, uh, our mood, uh, during school time, I made lots of friends.

✓ It improved our mood during school, and I made lots of friends.

The original mixes clauses awkwardly with pauses. Combine into two coordinated clauses with 'and' to show related results: improved mood and making friends.

× So it produced a joyful atmosphere because, uh, we made, uh, lots of fun. Uh, we sometimes made, uh, made fun.

✓ So it created a joyful atmosphere because we had a lot of fun. Sometimes we teased each other for fun.

'Produced a joyful atmosphere' is passable but 'created' is more natural. 'Made lots of fun' is incorrect; use 'had a lot of fun'. 'Made fun' is vague—if meaning 'teased', use 'teased each other'. Use clearer verb choices.

× Yes, I believe that we could study because it was really spacious.

✓ Yes, I believe we could study there because it was really spacious.

Add 'there' to clarify location. The sentence mixes present belief with past description; that's acceptable. Keep 'could' for past ability, but clarify with 'there'.

× During high school time, we had a library, so most of us went there and study.

✓ During high school, we had a library, so most of us went there to study.

Use 'during high school' (natural phrasing) and 'went there to study' (infinitive) instead of present 'study' to match past time frame.

× The other thing that I like to mention, when we had a few teachers that were really friendly, warmly, they persuaded us and encouraged us to study so that they gave us motivation to study more.

✓ Another thing I want to mention is that we had several teachers who were very warm and friendly; they persuaded and encouraged us to study and motivated us to study more.

Use 'another' and 'I want to mention' for clarity. 'A few teachers' is fine but 'several' is natural. Replace 'that' with 'who' for people. 'Warmly' (an adverb) is incorrect here; use 'warm' or 'warm and friendly'. Reorder clauses for clarity and use 'motivated us' rather than 'gave us motivation' for conciseness.

× During high school time, we had a bigger yard, so most of my peers went there.

✓ During high school, we had a large yard, so most of my peers went there.

'Bigger yard' is comparative but no comparison point is given; use 'large' or 'big'. Use 'during high school' for natural phrasing.

× They pleasure, they sometimes laugh out loud.

✓ They relaxed and sometimes laughed out loud.

'They pleasure' is incorrect—'pleasure' is a noun. Use appropriate verbs like 'relaxed' or 'took pleasure' (in something). Rephrase to 'they sometimes laughed out loud.'

× We tease each other and also, uh, we made fun of each other when we were playing.

✓ We teased each other and also made fun of each other when we were playing.

Maintain past tense 'teased' to match 'made fun' and 'were playing'. Mixing present 'tease' with past 'made' is inconsistent; use past tense throughout.

× We sometimes play a volleyball and football and it was really spacious.

✓ We sometimes played volleyball and football, and the yard was very spacious.

Do not use 'a' before uncountable sport names like 'volleyball' and 'football' here. Use past tense 'played' to match context. Clarify that 'it' refers to the yard.

× We had lots of green spice with improved our mood.

✓ We had lots of green space which improved our mood.

'Green spice' is a misspelling of 'green space'. Use 'which improved our mood' or 'which helped improve our mood' for correct relative clause and verb agreement.

× Uh, the rooms of our school, uh, were small, so we didn't have enough space. There we had to.

✓ The classrooms were small, so we didn't have enough space; therefore we had to... (complete with intended action, e.g., 'share desks').

'Rooms of our school' is awkward—use 'classrooms'. The original ends incompletely 'There we had to.' Indicate what was required (e.g., 'share desks' or 'study in shifts'). Provide a complete clause.

× Actually, I believe that interest is so important and plays a significant role in our future life because the most students during school time find their interest and their talents and it gives them motivation to follow their interests.

✓ Actually, I believe that interest is very important and plays a significant role in our future because most students discover their interests and talents during school, which gives them motivation to pursue those interests.

Rewrite for clarity: 'the most students' is incorrect—use 'most students'. Rearrange clauses to place 'during school' next to the action 'discover'. Use 'discover' instead of 'find' for natural phrasing and 'pursue' for 'follow'. Use 'which' to link the result.

× And also when they have to have a study specific things, they don't like it, they get jaded, they cannot tolerate and.

✓ Also, when they have to study specific subjects they don't like, they become bored and cannot tolerate them.

The phrase 'have to have a study specific things' is ungrammatical; use 'have to study specific subjects'. 'Get jaded' is informal; 'become bored' is clearer. End the sentence with an object: 'cannot tolerate them' (referring to the subjects).