Internet— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence stating the time, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fillers (uh) and unclear phrases like "apps promote in during the Spring Festival gala." Use correct tense and articles (e.g., "elementary school" → "elementary school" with 'when I was' + age or grade).

예시: I first started using the internet when I was in elementary school. My mother showed me how to search for homework answers online, and later I began saving short videos that were promoted during the Spring Festival Gala.

제안: Give a clear opening sentence with the frequency, then briefly explain reasons using linking words. Remove irrelevant exclamations and improve fluency. Be precise about time and use connectors like 'because' or 'so'.

예시: I go online every day, usually for about two hours. I often do this because I feel bored and use my phone for entertainment, such as watching short videos or chatting with friends.

제안: Structure the answer: open with a direct statement that you were once not allowed, then give a concise, coherent anecdote with correct grammar and past tense. Avoid repetitions and unclear words ('journey high school', 'enter my robe').

예시: Yes. Once in high school I was not allowed to use the internet. I secretly used my phone to watch TV series, but my mother found out and confiscated my phone, so I had to go without internet for several days.

제안: Answer directly, then give a specific reason and a plan to change. Remove hesitations and improve grammar: 'need to less' → 'need to reduce'. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so'.

예시: Yes, I think I spend too much time online — about two hours a day. Because it distracts me from my studies and other activities, I plan to reduce my screen time by setting a daily limit and scheduling more offline activities.

제안: Start with a conditional sentence using correct form ('If I didn't have the internet, I would...'), then list specific activities with clear reasons. Avoid vague phrases like 'secret work' and repetitions. Keep it to two to three sentences.

예시: If I didn't have the internet, I would read more books and do physical training to improve my health. I would also spend more time practicing hobbies like drawing, which would help me learn new skills without online distractions.

× When I was elementary school, my mom helped me, uh, search answers online.

✓ When I was in elementary school, my mom helped me search for answers online.

Missing preposition 'in' before 'elementary school' and unnecessary comma before the infinitive phrase. Also add 'for' after 'search' to form the correct verb-preposition collocation 'search for answers'. Use a simple structure without filler commas: 'When I was in elementary school, my mom helped me search for answers online.'

× And then I save short videos, uh, apps promote in during the Spring Festival gala.

✓ And then I saved short videos that apps promoted during the Spring Festival gala.

The speaker refers to a past event, so use past tense 'saved' and 'promoted'. Also correct word order and remove extraneous 'in'. Use a relative clause 'that apps promoted' to link 'short videos' and the promotion event.

× I use the Internet frequently, every day and even 2 hours to be precise.

✓ I use the Internet frequently, every day, and even two hours a day to be precise.

Add comma for clarity and specify 'two' in words for formal writing. Include 'a day' to indicate the time unit. This keeps present simple tense appropriate for habitual action.

× Wonderful 1.

✓ (Remove this interjection; it is unclear in context.)

The fragment 'Wonderful 1.' is not a complete sentence and likely a transcription error or filler. Remove it or replace with a clear interjection like 'Wonderful' if intended, but do not include the stray '1'.

× I feel bored, I turn on my phone and go online, and I regard the Internet as a form of entertainment.

✓ When I feel bored, I turn on my phone and go online, and I regard the Internet as a form of entertainment.

The original is a comma splice. Add a subordinating conjunction 'When' to connect the time clause properly and avoid run-on sentence. The rest of the sentence is fine.

× I clearly remember that I when I was a journey high school student, I snuck out my phone and watch TV series secret and that my mom was suddenly enter my robe and take away my, my phone.

✓ I clearly remember that when I was a junior high school student, I secretly took out my phone to watch TV series, and my mom suddenly entered my room and took away my phone.

Multiple issues: wrong word 'journey' should be 'junior', incorrect adverb placement 'secret' should be 'secretly', verb tense consistency requires past tense 'took' and 'entered', wrong noun 'robe' should be 'room', and remove repeated 'my'. Rearranged to a grammatically correct complex sentence.

× Uh, I, I think it's I'm not allowed to use the Internet.

✓ Uh, I think I wasn't allowed to use the Internet.

The speaker refers to a past prohibition, so use past tense 'wasn't allowed'. Remove the redundant 'it's' and duplicate 'I'. This yields a clear past-tense statement consistent with the recalled event.

× Uh, I think, uh, it's, yes, I uh, every day I spend too much time online on the everyday, uh, even 2 hours to be precise.

✓ Yes, I think I spend too much time online every day, even two hours a day to be precise.

Clean up filler words and repetition. Use present simple 'spend' for habitual action and specify 'two hours a day'. Remove duplicate 'everyday' and extraneous commas for clarity.

× I think I need to less the time online to focus on my life and the work.

✓ I think I need to reduce the time I spend online to focus on my life and my work.

'Need to less' is ungrammatical; use 'need to reduce' or 'need to spend less'. Also clarify 'the work' to 'my work' and insert 'I spend' for natural phrasing.

× And let me think, if I were without the Internet, I will do some secret work, for example training or read some books to uh, to create create my knowledge.

✓ Let me think: if I were without the Internet, I would do some private activities, for example training or reading some books to build my knowledge.

This conditional requires the subjunctive 'would' after 'if I were'. 'Will' is incorrect here. Use gerund 'reading' after 'or'. 'Secret work' is awkward; 'private activities' or 'personal projects' fits better. 'Create my knowledge' is unnatural; use 'build my knowledge'.

× In addition, I will focus on.

✓ In addition, I would focus on other activities.

The original sentence is incomplete ('focus on' requires an object). In this hypothetical context use 'would' and provide an object, e.g., 'other activities'. Ensure completeness and correct conditional mood.