Birthday— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Try to use correct grammar and sentence structure to make your answer clearer and more natural. Also, avoid redundancy and keep your answer concise within 5 sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas logically.

예시: On my birthday, I usually buy a cake because it is a tradition. Then, I have a big dinner with my family and friends to celebrate together.

제안: Focus on using past tense correctly and avoid filler words like 'yeah, yeah'. Provide a clear topic sentence and support it with specific details using linking words for coherence.

예시: When I was young, I always celebrated my birthday with my friends. I used to share the cake with them, so everyone could enjoy it.

제안: Clarify your ideas and use correct vocabulary. Avoid confusing phrases and express your opinion clearly with reasons. Use linking words to organise your answer logically.

예시: I used to think celebrating birthdays was very important because it made me happy with my friends. However, now I believe it is not essential, and I can choose whether to celebrate or not.

제안: Avoid unnecessary phrases like 'you know' and express your ideas clearly. Use linking words to connect your reasons logically and keep your answer concise and relevant.

예시: I think my parents' birthdays are the most important to celebrate because they raised me and supported my education.

× In my birthday I really need buy a cake, Yeah, that is the tradition.

✓ On my birthday, I really need to buy a cake. Yeah, that is the tradition.

The preposition 'in' is incorrect when referring to specific days or dates; 'on' should be used instead. Also, 'need buy' is missing the infinitive 'to' after 'need'.

× And I will take have a dinner with my friends, with my families who will have a big meal.

✓ And I will have dinner with my friends and my family, who will have a big meal.

The phrase 'take have' is incorrect; 'have' alone is sufficient. Also, 'families' should be singular 'family' when referring to one's own family. 'Dinner' does not need an article here.

× In the childhood, I always have a birthday with my friends.

✓ In childhood, I always had a birthday with my friends.

'In the childhood' is incorrect; 'in childhood' is the correct phrase. Also, 'have' should be in past tense 'had' to match the past time frame.

× Yeah, yeah, Also in the kids, I will share the cake with my friends or everyone will get a cake.

✓ Yeah, yeah. Also, when I was a kid, I shared the cake with my friends or everyone got a cake.

'In the kids' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'when I was a kid'. The verbs should be in past tense 'shared' and 'got' to match the past context.

× I'm a cheerleading is very important because we also take shelter, birthday shelter, happy with our friends.

✓ I think celebrating birthdays is very important because we also take shelter, birthday shelter, and are happy with our friends.

The original sentence is unclear and ungrammatical. 'I'm a cheerleading' is incorrect; it should be 'I think celebrating birthdays'. The phrase 'take shelter, birthday shelter' is unclear but kept as is; conjunction 'and' is added for clarity.

× But now I think it is not that important and I can celebrate and I also can go celebrate.

✓ But now I think it is not that important, and I can celebrate or not.

The phrase 'I also can go celebrate' is awkward; simplifying to 'I can celebrate or not' is clearer. The present tense is appropriate here.

× It is not the most things.

✓ It is not the most important thing.

'The most things' is incorrect; 'the most important thing' is the correct phrase to express significance.

× I think it's the most important birthday to my mom's and my dad's because they raised me to to be an adult and raise me to go to school.

✓ I think the most important birthdays are my mom's and my dad's because they raised me to be an adult and to go to school.

The phrase 'it's the most important birthday to my mom's and my dad's' is incorrect; it should be plural 'birthdays' and 'are'. Also, 'to to be' has a repeated 'to' which is corrected.

× I think it is, you know, I'm very upset.

✓ I think it is important because, you know, I'm very grateful.

The original sentence is unclear and contradictory. 'I'm very upset' does not fit the context; 'I'm very grateful' is more appropriate. The sentence structure is improved for clarity.

× So I think their birthday is the most important.

✓ So I think their birthdays are the most important.

Since referring to both parents, 'birthdays' should be plural and verb 'are' should agree in number.