Relax— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer more direct and natural by starting with a clear topic sentence, reducing redundancy, and giving one or two specific details about what in Japan helps you relax. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences and use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: Recently I like to relax by taking a short trip to Japan. For example, I enjoy visiting hot spring towns like Hakone because soaking in an onsen and walking through quiet streets really helps me unwind. Also, the calm atmosphere and simple food allow me to recharge before returning to my studies.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence, correct small grammar errors, and tighten phrasing. Provide one specific example of an activity you do together and use a linking word to show cause or result.

예시: I usually relax with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for ten years, so I feel very comfortable around her; as a result she helps me unwind. For instance, after a long day we often cook dinner together and then watch a light film, which helps me forget stress and sleep better.

제안: Give a direct topic sentence, fix grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing, and provide one concrete detail about how jazz affects you. Avoid repetition and keep it to two or three sentences.

예시: Yes, I find listening to music very relaxing, especially jazz. The gentle rhythms and subtle improvisation calm my mind, so I listen to jazz every evening to unwind before bed.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preferred relaxation methods, avoid filler phrases like “a bit cliche,” correct grammar (e.g., plural forms, verb forms), and organize ideas with a linking word to contrast options. Provide a specific example (what music/film) and keep to 2–3 sentences.

예시: To relax, I usually listen to music and watch films on Netflix. I prefer this to vigorous exercise because, for example, after a long day I’ll play mellow acoustic songs and watch a light comedy, which helps me unwind without getting too tired.

× After a stressful semester, I would like to visit Japan for a relief trip that can just relax my mind and help me recharge my energy.

✓ After a stressful semester, I would like to visit Japan for a relaxing trip that can help relax my mind and help me recharge my energy.

The original uses 'relief trip' (incorrect noun form) and redundant 'just relax' plus awkward word choice. Change 'relief trip' to 'relaxing trip' to use correct adjective form (related to verb 'relax') and keep 'help relax my mind' parallel with 'help me recharge my energy'. This fits the speaker's desire and future intention (would like to). Suggestion: use 'relaxing trip' or 'a trip to relax' for clarity.

× I usually relax with my girlfriend, we've been together for 10 years so I feel very comfortable in her company.

✓ I usually relax with my girlfriend; we've been together for 10 years, so I feel very comfortable in her company.

Run-on sentence: two independent clauses joined incorrectly with a comma. Use a semicolon or separate sentences and add a comma before 'so' as a coordinating conjunction. Pronoun 'her' is fine. Correction addresses sentence structure (puncutation) to avoid comma splice.

× She helps me unwind by talking thing things through or watching films together, which makes me feel easy to forget the day's stress.

✓ She helps me unwind by talking things through or watching films together, which makes it easy for me to forget the day's stress.

Multiple errors: 'thing things' is a typo and should be 'things'; 'makes me feel easy to forget' is ungrammatical—use 'makes it easy for me to forget' to express causation and correct infinitive structure. This fixes word choice and sentence flow.

× Yes, absolutely. Especially I like to listen to jazz music.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I especially like to listen to jazz music.

Adverb placement: 'especially' should come before the verb phrase it modifies ('like'), not at sentence-initial position separated by a period. Moving 'especially' before 'like' yields natural word order.

× I think the rhythm and the beat just make me feel really relaxing and I played them by on a daily basis and I really loved it.

✓ I think the rhythm and the beat just make me feel really relaxed, and I listen to jazz on a daily basis because I really love it.

'Make me feel really relaxing' incorrectly uses adjective 'relaxing' to describe the person; use 'relaxed' (past participle/adjective). 'I played them by on a daily basis' is incorrect tense and phrasing—use 'I listen to jazz on a daily basis'. 'I really loved it' conflicts tense; use present 'I really love it' for habitual preference. This aligns tense and fixes adjective choice.

× It's a bit cliche but I would say just playing some music and watching some films on Netflix since after a stressful day maybe breaking in sweat to jog or run for a mile.

✓ It's a bit cliché, but I would say just playing some music and watching films on Netflix, since after a stressful day breaking into a sweat by jogging or running a mile is too intense for me.

Original is ungrammatical and awkward: 'since after a stressful day maybe breaking in sweat to jog' incorrect idiom and word order. Use 'breaking into a sweat by jogging' or 'breaking into a sweat by running a mile'. Also add comma after introductory clause and correct 'cliche' to 'cliché'. This clarifies reason and contrasts activities.

× It's kind of too heavy for me so I'll just like to watch a movie and listen to musics.

✓ It's kind of too much for me, so I'd just like to watch a movie and listen to music.

'Too heavy' is odd collocation for activity intensity; 'too much' is more natural. 'I'll just like' is incorrect modal phrasing—use 'I'd just like' (short for 'I would'). 'Musics' is incorrect plural; 'music' is uncountable. Also add comma before 'so'.