Relax— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and reduce hesitations. Start with a direct topic sentence (where you go recently), then give one clear supporting detail. Avoid filler words (umm, uh) and minor grammatical errors ("relaxation season" → "time to relax"). Also use linking words to connect ideas (For example, After my morning shift...).

예시: Recently I haven't had much time to relax because of work, but last month I went to a spa with my mother. After my morning shift, we went in the evening and enjoyed a foot and body massage, which helped me feel refreshed.

제안: Organize your answer: give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific reasons. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases ("If you if for me", "work at A"). Use linking words like "because" and "so". Keep it within 2–4 sentences and use clearer vocabulary (e.g., appreciated, valued).

예시: I usually relax with my mother because she is my closest friend and always supports me. For example, my workplace often makes me feel unappreciated, so spending time with her makes me feel valued and emotionally refreshed.

제안: Answer directly and avoid repetition and hesitations. Use one clear reason and a brief example. Correct awkward phrases ("after my safety is over" → "after my shift") and avoid repeating words. Use a linking phrase like "For example" to introduce the example.

예시: Yes, I find music very relaxing because it helps me unwind after stressful days. For example, after my shift I usually listen to peaceful, calming tracks which help me relax and clear my mind.

제안: Keep the answer natural and structured: start with a topic sentence about your usual habit, then give one specific example. Remove fillers and minor repetition ("when when"). Use precise verbs and articles ("soothing acoustic music" not "a soothing and acoustic music").

예시: I usually relax at home after a busy duty by doing self-care and listening to music. For example, last month I came home very stressed, put on a face mask, moisturized, and listened to soothing acoustic music, which helped me unwind.

× I don't really get time to go for a relaxation season.

✓ I don't really get time to relax.

The phrase 'go for a relaxation season' is unnatural and uses incorrect verb form/noun choice. Use the verb 'relax' in base form after 'get time to'. This fits the present context and is a common collocation: 'get time to relax'. Suggestions: replace the whole phrase with 'relax' or 'go somewhere to relax'.

× We went there umm, during the evening time.

✓ We went there during the evening.

The extra word 'time' is redundant and informal. The past tense 'went' is correct; simply say 'during the evening'. Suggestion: remove 'umm' and 'time' for clarity.

× After my morning shift was over, we enjoyed uh, a foot massage and body massage there.

✓ After my morning shift was over, we enjoyed a foot massage and a body massage there.

The past tense 'enjoyed' is correct. The issue is article usage before 'body massage' and redundant fillers. Add the article 'a' before 'body massage' and remove hesitations to improve grammar and flow.

× I prefer taking a relaxing time with my mother because she's my best friend and I like spending time with her.

✓ I prefer to spend relaxing time with my mother because she's my best friend and I like spending time with her.

The verb phrase should be 'prefer to spend' or 'prefer spending' rather than 'prefer taking a relaxing time'. 'Taking a relaxing time' is unidiomatic. Use 'to spend relaxing time' or 'to spend time relaxing'. Suggestion: use 'I prefer to spend time relaxing with my mother.'

× She makes me feel wanted and loved which is very important If you if for me because I work at A at a place where you are not appreciated for your thing, for the things you do.

✓ She makes me feel wanted and loved, which is very important for me because I work at a place where you are not appreciated for the things you do.

Problems: capitalization ('If'), redundant words ('if you if for me'), article and preposition errors ('at A at a place'), and awkward phrase 'for your thing'. Correct to 'important for me' and 'a place'. Remove duplicates and clarify 'the things you do'. Suggestion: simplify and remove fillers to '...important for me because I work at a place where people are not appreciated for the things they do.'

× I strongly agree to this point because music has helped me feel relaxed and, uh, help me help me unwind from, uh, chaotic days.

✓ I strongly agree with this because music has helped me feel relaxed and helps me unwind after chaotic days.

Use 'agree with' rather than 'agree to'. Mixed tenses: 'has helped' (present perfect) and then 'help me help me' is repetitive and missing subject-verb agreement for the present simple. Replace with 'helps me unwind' or 'has helped me unwind'. Also remove repeated fillers. Suggestion: keep consistent tense and use 'agree with'.

× For example, whenever I come home after my safety is over, I prefer listening to peaceful and calming music, which helps me unwind and makes me feel relaxed.

✓ For example, whenever I come home after my shift is over, I prefer to listen to peaceful, calming music, which helps me unwind and makes me feel relaxed.

'After my safety is over' is incorrect phrase; likely 'after my shift is over'. Use infinitive 'prefer to listen' or gerund 'prefer listening' consistently; 'prefer to listen' fits well. Also use comma and remove redundancy 'peaceful and calming' can be 'peaceful, calming'. Suggestion: replace 'safety' with 'shift' and use 'prefer to listen'.

× After a stressful and chaotic duty, I prefer relaxing at home.

✓ After a stressful and chaotic duty, I prefer to relax at home.

Use 'prefer to relax' rather than 'prefer relaxing' for better style; both are grammatical but 'prefer to relax' is clearer. Maintain present habitual meaning. Suggestion: use infinitive after 'prefer' in this context.

× For instance, last month when when I was very stressed during my duty, I came home, put a face mask on my face, moisturized my body and listened to a soothing and acoustic music which really helped me unwind.

✓ For instance, last month when I was very stressed during my duty, I came home, put a face mask on, moisturized my body, and listened to soothing acoustic music, which really helped me unwind.

Remove duplicate 'when'. 'Put a face mask on my face' is redundant; 'put a face mask on' is sufficient. 'A soothing and acoustic music' is incorrect: 'music' is uncountable so no 'a', and adjectives order should be 'soothing acoustic music'. Commas improve readability. Past tense verbs 'came', 'put', 'moisturized', 'listened' are correct. Suggestion: remove articles with uncountable nouns and redundant words.