Dreams— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 문장이 중복되고 주저/충돌음(uh, umm, I, I)이 많아 자연스러움이 떨어집니다. 주제문을 명확히 제시한 뒤 하나 또는 두 개의 구체적 이유를 연결사(with/ because/for example)로 이어 말하세요. 불필요한 반복과 채움말을 줄이고 애니메이션 예시는 간단히 언급하세요.

예시: Yes. I wanted to become a Disney animator because I grew up watching films like Ratatouille and series such as Gravity Falls. For example, I loved their character design and storytelling, which inspired me to learn drawing and animation.

제안: 중복된 이유 제시(embarrassing 이유 반복)와 채움말이 많아 명확성이 떨어집니다. 주제문으로 바로 답한 뒤 한 번만 이유를 제시하고 구체적 예시를 덧붙이세요. 연결사는 because/so/for example 등을 사용해 흐름을 매끄럽게 만드세요.

예시: I usually only share my dreams with my closest friends because I find some of them a bit reckless or silly. For example, I told one friend about a dream where I was flying over my city, and we laughed about how strange it was.

제안: 문법과 의미 전달이 불명확합니다(주어·동사 일치, 어순 문제). 명확한 주제문 뒤 구체적 이유나 예시를 하나 제시하세요. 예: 꿈이 동기부여가 된다거나 무의식의 표현이라는 식으로 간결하게 설명하고 연결사를 사용하세요.

예시: Yes, I think dreams can have special meanings because they often reflect our desires or worries. For instance, a dream about succeeding in a project motivated me to practice more and helped me set clear goals.

제안: 표현이 어색하고 문법 오류가 있습니다('a very many thing', 'a sing very well person'). 하나의 목표를 명확하게 말한 뒤 구체적 노력(훈련 기간, 연습 방법)을 연결사로 덧붙이세요. 불필요한 반복을 피하고 정확한 어휘를 쓰세요.

예시: Yes, I definitely want to make my dreams come true. One of my main goals is to become a strong singer; I have been training my voice for almost five years by taking weekly lessons and practicing daily.

× I had a dream to become a Disney animator, uh, because I, I grew up with many uh, Disney animations like uh, ratatouille or also I loved 2D animations like Gravity Falls.

✓ I had a dream of becoming a Disney animator, because I grew up with many Disney animations like Ratatouille and I also loved 2D animated shows like Gravity Falls.

'a dream to become' is not the best collocation; use 'a dream of becoming' or 'to become' with different structure. 'ratatouille' is a title and should be capitalized as 'Ratatouille'. Use 'and' not 'or' to list examples. Use '2D animated shows' for clarity. Overall adjust articles and capitalization.

× Uh, I share my dreams to the closest friend, uh, because, uh, it is embarrassing to share my dreams because often my dreams are really, uh, reckless and ridiculous.

✓ I share my dreams with my closest friends, because it is embarrassing to share them; often my dreams are really reckless and ridiculous.

Use 'share with' not 'share to' (preposition error but primary issue fixed here). 'closest friend' should be plural if talking generally; 'my dreams' is plural so use 'them' not repeat 'my dreams'. This corrects subject-verb and pronoun reference. Also remove filler words and improve flow.

× Umm, so it is very embarrassing.

✓ So, it is very embarrassing.

This sentence is acceptable but fillers removed. No tense change needed; kept present simple to state a general truth. Suggest removing 'umm' for fluency.

× Uh, yes, because umm, for me, uh, dreams is dreams are uh, the reason why I living this is so overwhelming, but it is true because I do really hard things for my objects.

✓ Yes, because for me, dreams are the reason why my life is so overwhelming, and it is true because I work very hard for my goals.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement ('dreams are' not 'dreams is'), incorrect verb form 'I living' should be 'my life is' or 'I am living' depending on meaning, and 'objects' is wrong word choice — use 'goals'. Also change 'do really hard things for' to 'work very hard for' for natural phrasing.

× Of course, uh, my dream is a very many thing, but uh, the one of them is that I wanna be a, a sing very well person who sing very well and I trained for almost five years.

✓ Of course. I have many dreams, but one of them is that I want to be a singer who sings very well, and I have trained for almost five years.

Fix article and quantity phrasing: 'a very many thing' -> 'many dreams'. Use 'one of them' not 'the one of them'. Informal 'wanna' -> 'want to'. 'be a sing very well person who sing very well' is ungrammatical; use 'be a singer who sings very well'. Tense: 'I trained' -> 'I have trained' to indicate an action continuing up to present. This addresses subject-verb agreement and verb tense.