Computers— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, correct grammar (use articles, verb forms), and add clear linking words. Keep within 3–4 sentences: start with a topic sentence, then give two specific uses with linking words and a brief detail for each.

예시: I use a computer every day for work and communication. For work, I develop software and use the computer to analyze data and write code. For communication, I use it to check social media and keep in touch with friends.

제안: Fix grammar (use correct age expression and verb forms), remove filler words, and use one concise topic sentence plus two supporting details (who, what you learned).

예시: I first used a computer when I was about six years old. My parents gave it to me as a gift, and I learned how to type and play simple games, which made me curious about technology.

제안: Make the response more realistic and focused: start with a clear topic sentence, then give two concrete consequences with linking words. Avoid extreme or vague phrases like 'every minute' and 'farming society.'

예시: Without a computer, my daily life would be much less efficient. For example, I would struggle to do my remote work on time, and I would have to rely on phone calls or visiting people in person to keep in touch with family.

제안: Clarify and organize the answer: state the main condition, then give a specific example and explain how you would cope. Remove hesitations and use appropriate vocabulary (e.g., "out of my expertise").

예시: It is difficult when tasks require skills outside my expertise. For instance, I can do front‑end development, but if I were asked to implement complex banking systems, I would struggle and would need to consult experts or use AI tools to help me.

× Well, I use computer every day.

✓ Well, I use a computer every day.

The noun 'computer' is singular and requires an article. Use 'a' before a singular countable noun when speaking generally. Suggestion: use 'a computer' or plural 'computers' depending on meaning.

× Basically I just develop some software.

✓ Basically I just develop software.

'Some' is unnecessary with uncountable noun 'software' in this context. Removing 'some' makes the sentence more natural. Suggestion: say 'develop software' or 'develop some programs' if countable intended.

× So computers are just my tools to analyze the data and develop this stuff.

✓ So computers are just my tools for analyzing data and developing software.

Use consistent gerund forms after 'tools for' and 'data' is uncountable without 'the' here. 'This stuff' is informal; use 'software' or 'these tasks.' Suggestion: use parallel gerunds and precise nouns.

× Second, I use community computers for communication, scroll the social media and contact with friends.

✓ Second, I use community computers to communicate, scroll social media and contact friends.

Use 'to communicate' (infinitive) or 'for communication'; 'scroll social media' omits 'the'; 'contact with friends' should be 'contact friends.' Suggestion: use parallel verb forms and correct prepositions.

× Uh, I used the computer for around six years old for the first time.

✓ Uh, I first used a computer when I was around six years old.

Age should be expressed with 'when I was X years old.' 'Used the computer for around six years old' is ungrammatical. Suggestion: use 'when I was about six' or 'at around six years old.'

× Uh, it was gifted from my parents and that time it was quite weird and I learned to how to type and, uh, play games by this amazing tool.

✓ It was a gift from my parents, and at that time it felt strange; I learned how to type and play games using this amazing tool.

Use 'a gift from' not 'gifted from.' 'At that time' is the correct phrase. Remove extra 'to' in 'learned how to.' Use 'using' to indicate instrument. Suggestion: restructure for clarity and correct verb patterns.

× I couldn't imagine how my life would be changed without the computer, because nowadays I need to use it every minute from work to daily communication.

✓ I can't imagine how my life would change without a computer, because nowadays I need to use it every minute for work and daily communication.

Use present modal 'can't' for general present-tense truth. 'Would be changed' is passive and awkward; 'would change' is better. Use 'a computer' and 'for' to indicate purpose. Suggestion: use active voice and correct article.

× Maybe we have to go back to the farming society just to rely on very simple tools and have to travel far away to communicate with family.

✓ Maybe we'd have to return to a farming society and rely on very simple tools, and we'd have to travel far to communicate with family.

Use conditional 'would' for hypothetical future; 'go back to the farming society' is awkward—use 'a farming society.' 'Travel far away' can be 'travel far.' Suggestion: use conditional modal forms and natural noun phrases.

× Uh, sometimes I feel it's hard to use a computer if the assignments from the boss, uh, never expected and out of my capability.

✓ Uh, sometimes I feel it's hard to use a computer if the assignments from the boss are unexpected and beyond my capability.

Use 'are unexpected' (adjective) and 'beyond my capability' (correct preposition + noun). 'Never expected' is incorrect here. Suggestion: use correct adjective forms and prepositions.

× For example, although I can do some front end, uh, development, umm, but if I need to do banking development through computers, I need to rely on the, uh, AI tools and the LLM.

✓ For example, although I can do some front-end development, if I had to do banking development, I would need to rely on AI tools and LLMs.

Do not use 'although' and 'but' together; choose one. For a hypothetical situation use conditional 'would' and past tense in the 'if' clause (second conditional). 'Front-end' needs a hyphen and 'LLM' pluralized if general. Remove unnecessary 'the.' Suggestion: use proper conditional structure and avoid double conjunctions.