History— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid filler words (uh). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details. Use correct names and dates if possible, and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes. I studied history at school as part of social studies, where we learned about the unification of Nepal led by King Prithvi Narayan Shah in the 18th century. The lessons focused on his campaigns and how they shaped modern Nepal.

제안: Organize your answer: start with a direct statement of methods, then give brief specific examples and link them with connectors (for example, also, in addition). Remove fillers and repetition.

예시: I learn history mainly from books and documentaries. For example, I read textbooks at school and I also watch historical documentaries on Netflix to see reenactments and expert interviews, which help me understand events more clearly.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence, then list 2–3 specific benefits with brief explanations. Avoid repetition and correct small errors (double words). Use linking words like firstly, secondly, and finally.

예시: Learning history has several benefits. Firstly, it helps you understand how your country was formed and the reasons behind major events; secondly, it teaches lessons from past mistakes so society can avoid repeating them; finally, it preserves culture and identity for future generations.

제안: Make a clearer opinion statement and support it with 1–2 reasons that are specific and relevant. Avoid vague metaphors like “history is an art” or “help them to boost” without explanation. Keep answer within 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I believe history is very important because it helps people understand their cultural identity and learn from past successes and failures. For example, knowing past political decisions can guide better choices in the present.

× Yes, I have studied in my school days, uh, the subject was social studies and we used to study the history of Nepal. How uh, the unification of Nepal uh, was done by the King Pritiviran Saha and his late father.

✓ Yes, I studied during my school days; the subject was social studies and we used to study the history of Nepal, including how the unification of Nepal was carried out by King Prithvi Narayan Shah and his father.

Error type 9: past participle / passive phrasing and unnecessary auxiliary 'have' with a time expression 'in my school days'. Use simple past 'studied' for completed past time. Use 'carried out' or 'was carried out' for correct passive and correct historical names. Also use 'during' for 'in my school days' and remove filler words. Suggestion: Use simple past for finished past periods and standard passive constructions such as 'was carried out'. Use precise names and reduce fillers.

× So learning history is by studying books and also watching different movies about history, which is all about Netflix.

✓ So you learn history by studying books and by watching various historical films and documentaries, some of which are available on Netflix.

Error type 6: incorrect present tense construction and awkward phrase 'is by studying'. Use general present simple for habitual actions: 'you learn' or 'one learns'. 'Different movies about history' is better as 'historical films and documentaries' and 'which is all about Netflix' is incorrect; use 'some of which are available on Netflix'. Suggestion: Use present simple for habitual/general statements and clearer vocabulary.

× Uh, previously I used to learn history from social studies and also from the teachers that they teach us about how unification of Nepal was done, how, uh, the matters of Nepal, uh.

✓ Previously I used to learn history in social studies and from teachers who taught us how the unification of Nepal was achieved and about other matters concerning Nepal.

Error type 9: incorrect clause structure and passive phrasing 'how unification of Nepal was done' — prefer 'how the unification of Nepal was achieved'. Remove redundant 'that they' and use relative clause 'teachers who taught us'. Suggestion: Use clear relative clauses and standard passive verbs like 'was achieved' for historical events.

× There are plenty of benefits of benefits of learning history.

✓ There are plenty of benefits of learning history.

Error type 14: duplicated phrase 'benefits of benefits of' — a quantifier/word repetition mistake. Remove the repeated words to make the sentence concise. Suggestion: Read aloud to catch repeated words and edit for conciseness.

× The first benefit will be that you will know the the history of your country, how your country was formed and also you will also gain different knowledge, experience from the historical period era.

✓ The first benefit is that you will know the history of your country, how it was formed, and you will also gain knowledge and insights from historical periods.

Error types 6 and 7: mixed tense use and awkward phrasing 'will be that you will know' — prefer present simple 'is' to introduce a general benefit followed by future 'you will know' is acceptable but redundant. Also duplicated 'the the' and incorrect phrase 'historical period era' — use 'historical periods' or 'the past'. Remove 'different' before uncountable 'knowledge' and replace with 'insights'. Suggestion: Use 'The first benefit is that...' then clearly list benefits; avoid redundant words and mixed tense.

× I think learning history is very important to each and every people because the history itself is an art.

✓ I think learning history is very important for everyone because history itself is valuable.

Error type 12: incorrect pronoun/phrase 'each and every people' — 'people' is plural, so use 'everyone' or 'each and every person'. Also 'the history itself is an art' is odd; 'valuable' or 'important' is clearer. Use 'for' not 'to' with 'important'. Suggestion: Use 'everyone' or 'each and every person' and collocate 'important for' with 'important'.

× So people should, uh, learn the history about their country, about their culture, about everything, because history itself is a culture that will help them to boost.

✓ So people should learn about the history of their country, their culture, and other aspects of their heritage, because history helps them develop a stronger identity.

Error type 26: awkward sentence structure and vague phrase 'history itself is a culture that will help them to boost.' 'Boost' is vague and ungrammatical here. Use clearer phrasing such as 'helps them develop a stronger identity' or 'helps them understand their roots'. Also remove filler 'uh' and redundant 'about'. Suggestion: Replace vague metaphors with concrete benefits and streamline the list using parallel structure.