Work— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more accurate and fluent: use correct verbs and simple past/present forms, and give a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details. Avoid repetition (e.g., 'walk' → 'work').

Exemplo: I work at my father's shop. I graduated about eight months ago with a degree in PBS, and since then I have chosen to help with sales and the billing section because I enjoy customer interaction and learning about small business operations.

Sugestão: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then add specific details using linking words. Correct grammar (use 'work', 'I handle') and avoid repeating ideas.

Exemplo: I work in my father's shop, which sells affordable, trendy imitation jewelry. Specifically, I handle the sales and billing counter, so I greet customers, process payments, and suggest products to help grow our sales.

Sugestão: Give a concise opinion followed by two clear reasons linked with connectors like 'because' or 'also'. Use correct phrases (e.g., 'place to work', 'not like a 9-to-5 job').

Exemplo: Yes, it is a great place to work because I have a lot of independence and flexible hours. Also, unlike a typical 9-to-5 corporate job, there is less pressure and we can take time off when needed.

Sugestão: Answer directly then give vivid, specific details. Use linking words ('because', 'also') and correct vocabulary ('located in a mall', 'passersby', 'tiring day'). Keep it to two or three sentences.

Exemplo: Yes, I really like working there because our shop is located in a busy mall and I enjoy watching passersby. Also, there is a bakery next door, so I often treat myself after a tiring day.

Sugestão: Start with a clear statement of your plan, then add specific actions and reasons. Use correct tense and clearer location terms, and avoid filler words. Mention how you will expand (e.g., new branches, online sales) for concreteness.

Exemplo: My future plan is to expand my father's business. Currently we have one shop in the city center, and I hope to open additional branches and develop online sales to increase our revenue and reach more customers.

× I walk at my father's shop.

✓ I work at my father's shop.

The student used 'walk' instead of 'work', which is incorrect verb choice causing a sentence structure and meaning error. Replace with the correct verb 'work' to convey employment. Suggestion: practice common verbs related to jobs (work, run, manage).

× I graduate about 8 months ago as PBS student.

✓ I graduated about 8 months ago as a PBS student.

The sentence refers to a completed action in the past, so the past tense 'graduated' is required instead of present 'graduate'. Also add the article 'a' before 'PBS student'. Suggestion: use past tense for actions that happened at a specific time in the past and include necessary articles.

× So right now I'm decided to work at my father's shop, especially in sales and billing section.

✓ So right now I've decided to work at my father's shop, especially in the sales and billing section.

The phrase 'I'm decided' is incorrect; use present perfect 'I've decided' to show a recent decision with present relevance. Also add definite article 'the' before 'sales and billing section'. Suggestion: use 'I've decided' or 'I have decided' for recent decisions.

× We sell imitation jewelry which are affordable and trendy.

✓ We sell imitation jewelry that is affordable and trendy.

The subject 'imitation jewelry' is an uncountable or collective noun treated as singular, so relative clause should use 'that is' rather than 'which are'. Suggestion: match verb number to the noun and use 'that' for essential clauses.

× I particularly look at selling and sales and billing counter.

✓ I particularly work at the sales and billing counter.

'Look at' is the wrong preposition/verb for performing duties; use 'work at' and include the definite article 'the'. Also remove duplicate 'selling and sales'. Suggestion: learn collocations for job duties: 'work at the counter', 'in charge of sales'.

× I love doing my work and helping my father grow the business.

✓ I love doing my work and helping my father grow the business.

This sentence is correct. No change needed.

× Yes, it is one of the best place to walk for for most we we have independence to do whatever we want.

✓ Yes, it is one of the best places to work because we have the independence to do whatever we want.

Multiple errors: 'place' should be plural 'places' after 'one of the', 'walk' should be 'work', remove duplicate words, and add 'because' for clarity; include definite article 'the' before 'independence'. Suggestion: use 'one of the + plural noun' and check for repeated words.

× Second of all, it is not like a 95 job or corporate rules.

✓ Secondly, it is not like a 9-to-5 job with corporate rules.

'Second of all' is nonstandard; use 'secondly'. '95 job' should be '9-to-5 job' and add 'with' to link corporate rules. Suggestion: use common expressions: '9-to-5 job', 'secondly'.

× So we don't have any kind of pressure and we can take a day off without any kind of permission.

✓ So we don't feel any pressure and we can take a day off without needing permission.

'Have pressure' is awkward; 'feel pressure' is natural. 'Any kind of permission' is wordy; use 'permission' or 'needing permission'. Suggestion: prefer 'feel pressure' and simplify phrases.

× Yes, I love the place where I work it is placed on mall so it is quite interactive to see passers walking by as well as we have a bakery shop nearby so I always have some sweet treats after a tireful day.

✓ Yes, I love the place where I work. It is in a mall, so it is nice to see passersby walking by, and we have a bakery nearby, so I always have some sweet treats after a tiring day.

Run-on sentence; needs splitting and corrections: 'placed on mall' -> 'in a mall'; 'passers walking by' -> 'passersby' or 'people walking by'; 'tireful' is incorrect, use 'tiring'. Suggestion: break long sentences into shorter ones and use correct collocations ('in a mall', 'passersby', 'tiring').

× Buy Future Work plans is to expand my father's business.

✓ My future work plan is to expand my father's business.

Word order and word choice errors: 'Buy' is incorrect; should be 'My'. Use singular 'plan' to match 'is'. Suggestion: keep subject before verb: 'My future plan is...'.

× Right now we have 1 shop located in the center of beta mode, but I want to expand it further in another different location.

✓ Right now we have one shop located in the center of Beta Mode, but I want to expand it to another location.

Use spelled-out number 'one' in formal speech, capitalize proper noun 'Beta Mode' if it's a place name, and 'expand it to another location' is more natural than 'in another different location' (remove redundancy). Suggestion: avoid redundant words like 'another different' and use consistent capitalization.

× We are doing very good on our business and want to grow more sales in the future.

✓ Our business is doing very well and we want to increase sales in the future.

Use 'doing very well' (adverb 'well' modifies 'doing'), and 'increase sales' is more natural than 'grow more sales'. Suggestion: use 'well' after 'doing' and collocations like 'increase sales'.