Hometown— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: 문장 구조를 명확히 하고 불필요한 말버릇(um, uh)을 줄이세요. 또한 핵심정보를 더 자연스럽게 연결하기 위해 간단한 부가 정보를 한 문장으로 덧붙이세요. 예: 고향의 위치와 부모님과의 관련성을 깔끔하게 표현합니다.

Exemplo: My hometown is Daegu in South Korea. It’s also where my parents grew up, so I often visit there to see my relatives.

Sugestão: 문법(주어·동사 일치)과 어휘 선택을 고치고, 의견을 주제문으로 제시한 뒤 구체적 이유를 1–2개 추가하세요. 연결어(to link)를 사용해 문장 흐름을 매끄럽게 만드세요. 또한 불필요한 말더듬을 줄이세요.

Exemplo: I like that Daegu is not very urban and is far from the capital, which makes it peaceful. As a result, people tend to be friendly and sincere, and there are plenty of parks and traditional markets where you can relax.

Sugestão: 시간 표현을 정확히 하고 문장을 간결하게 만드세요. ‘since I was born’과 ‘for three months’가 혼동되므로 하나로 정리하고 기억 여부와 방문 빈도를 논리적으로 연결하세요.

Exemplo: I have lived there only for a short time after I was born, about three months in total, so I don’t have many personal memories. However, my grandparents still live there, so I visit them occasionally.

Sugestão: 의견을 명확히 제시하고 이유를 구체적으로 설명하세요. 과거와 현재를 비교할 때는 시제와 표현을 정확히 쓰고, 예시(일자리·교육·문화시설 등)를 하나 이상 제시해 설득력을 높이세요.

Exemplo: I don’t think it’s a great place for young people nowadays because many universities and businesses have moved to larger cities. Consequently, there are fewer job opportunities and entertainment options for young adults.

× My hometown is Daegu in Korea which is also umm, my parents hometown.

✓ My hometown is Daegu in Korea, which is also my parents' hometown.

The sentence uses the possessive for parents incorrectly. Use possessive apostrophe for plural noun 'parents' to show possession. Also add a comma before the relative clause 'which'. Suggestion: write 'my parents' hometown' and include the comma: 'Daegu in Korea, which is also my parents' hometown.'

× My hometown is, I'm not an urban and it is distant from the main city of Korea.

✓ My hometown is not urban and it is far from the main city of Korea.

'I'm not an urban' is incorrect because 'urban' is an adjective describing the hometown, not the speaker. Use 'not urban' to modify 'hometown'. Also use 'far' instead of 'distant' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: 'My hometown is not urban and is far from the main city of Korea.'

× So the people is umm, honest and kind and they have uh.

✓ So the people are honest and kind and they are helpful.

The plural noun 'people' requires the plural verb 'are', not 'is'. The sentence 'they have uh' is incomplete; likely intended meaning is a quality such as 'they are helpful' or 'they have good manners'. Suggestion: use 'are' with plural subjects and complete the clause: 'they are helpful.'

× Honestly, I have lived there, umm, for three months, umm, since I was born, Yeah.

✓ Honestly, I have lived there since I was born.

Using 'for three months' conflicts with 'since I was born' which implies a long duration. 'Since' requires a starting point with present perfect and no 'for three months' unless you mean a short period. Suggestion: choose the correct time expression: 'since I was born' or 'for three months.'

× So I don't have a memory in there, but my grandfather and grandparents are there.

✓ So I don't have memories there, but my grandparents and grandfather are still there.

'A memory in there' is awkward; use plural 'memories' and 'there' without 'in'. Also 'my grandfather and grandparents' is redundant; use 'my grandparents' and if you need to emphasize a grandfather, say 'my grandfather is still there' or 'my grandparents and my grandfather'. Suggestion: 'I don't have memories there, but my grandparents are still there.'

× So yeah, I sometimes I go there.

✓ So yeah, I sometimes go there.

The clause includes an extra subject 'I' after 'sometimes', creating redundancy. Remove the extra 'I' to form correct subject-verb order: 'I sometimes go there.'

× Umm, I don't think so, because umm, in the past there are, uh, famous university and yeah, I think there is many people, but nowadays usually there are.

✓ Umm, I don't think so, because in the past there were famous universities and many people, but nowadays there usually aren't.

Multiple errors: 'in the past there are' should be past tense 'there were' (Past tense issue) when referring to the past. 'Famous university' needs plural 'universities' to match 'many people'. 'I think there is many people' should be 'there are many people' (subject-verb agreement). Finally 'nowadays usually there are' is incomplete and should be 'nowadays there usually aren't' to contrast past and present. Suggestion: use past tense 'were' for past situations, plural nouns for countable items, and match plural subjects with 'are' or 'aren't.'