Sharing— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise, direct and accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), avoid vague time references (‘nearly a decade ago’ is odd for childhood) and incorrect phrase choices (‘rose their hand toward’). Use one supporting detail with a linking word. Keep it under 4 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes. My parents taught me to share from a very young age because they often helped people in our neighborhood. For example, they regularly gave food and clothes to poorer families, and watching them made me value sharing.

Sugestão: Give a clear topic sentence naming specific items you share, then one or two concrete examples. Avoid vague phrases like ‘preferable things’ and keep sentences natural and grammatically correct. Use a linking word to connect supporting details.

Exemplo: I usually share personal interests and hobbies with others. For instance, I often talk about my dreams and goals, and I also share my hobbies like photography and running so friends can join me.

Sugestão: Respond directly with a clear topic sentence (e.g., ‘Personal information shouldn’t be shared’) and give specific reasons and examples. Fix grammar and word order, avoid filler words, and link ideas logically.

Exemplo: Personal information is not suitable for sharing because it can harm your privacy. For example, I wouldn't share my ID number, home address, or family financial details with others.

Sugestão: Answer directly and clearly: say what you shared, why it was interesting, and give a brief correct reference to the story. Correct vocabulary and avoid unclear phrases (‘here and tortoise’). Keep within 2–3 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes. Last week I shared a classic fable about the hare and the tortoise with my friends because it has a clear moral about persistence. They enjoyed the story and we discussed what lessons we could learn from it.

Sugestão: Give a direct topic sentence naming the person and one reason why. Avoid redundant phrases and unclear ideas (‘freedom activities’). Provide one specific example of news you would share.

Exemplo: I would first tell my closest friend because we trust each other and talk often. For example, if I got a job offer, I would call them immediately to celebrate and discuss my plans.

Sugestão: State the main types of news clearly in one sentence, then give a brief example of each using linking words. Remove hesitations and abstract phrases like ‘a sense of diversity’.

Exemplo: I usually share sports updates, environmental news, and entertainment stories. For example, I tell friends about local match results, interesting articles about recycling, and new movies or music we might like.

× Of course, as far as I remember, I probably started learning about sharing from my parents at a very young age, which I think would be nearly a decade ago.

✓ Of course. As far as I remember, I started learning about sharing from my parents at a very young age, which was nearly a decade ago.

The original mixes present and modal 'would be' incorrectly when referring to a past time. Use simple past 'started' and 'was' to describe a completed action and a past time reference. Remove 'probably' if uncertain or keep but adjust placement: 'I probably started...'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent by using past tense for completed events (started, was).

× And I also witnessed that my parents always rose their hand toward poor people.

✓ And I also witnessed that my parents always raised their hands toward poor people.

The past tense of 'rise' in this context is 'raise' (to lift something) and requires 'raised'. Also 'hand' should be plural 'hands' because parents are plural. Use 'raised their hands' for correct verb choice and subject-verb agreement. Ensure past tense 'witnessed' matches 'raised'.

× Plenty of things can be mentioned, but one that I think stands out is I'm very much fond of sharing my dreams along with my preferable things.

✓ Plenty of things can be mentioned, but one that stands out is that I am very fond of sharing my dreams and my preferred things.

'I'm very much fond of' is informal but acceptable; however 'preferable things' is incorrect — use 'preferred things'. Also combine clauses with 'that' for clarity. Use 'and' instead of 'along with' to sound natural. Replace contraction for formal clarity if needed. Suggestion: Use 'preferred' for adjective and simplify sentence structure.

× Apart from that, I also enjoy sharing my daily tasks and hobbies.

✓ Apart from that, I also enjoy sharing my daily tasks and my hobbies.

This sentence is mostly correct but adding 'my' before 'hobbies' improves parallelism. 'Apart from that' is acceptable. No tense change needed.

× There are quite a few will make it the list. For example, uh personal information.

✓ There are quite a few things that would make the list. For example, personal information.

Original sentence lacks a proper noun phrase and contains an incorrect structure 'will make it the list'. Use 'things that would make the list' or 'things that would be on the list'. Remove filler 'uh' and ensure nouns follow 'for example'. Suggestion: 'There are quite a few things that would make the list.'

× I think it should not suitable for sharing along with.

✓ I think it should not be suitable for sharing.

Missing 'be' after 'should' creates an ungrammatical construction. Remove 'along with' which is unnecessary. Structure: 'should not be suitable for sharing'. Suggestion: Use modal + base verb: 'should not be'.

× Also it maintain privacy and family mem matter.

✓ Also, it maintains privacy and family matters.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it' (singular) requires 'maintains'. 'family mem matter' appears to be fragments; correct to 'family matters' or 'family privacy matters'. Add comma after 'Also'. Suggestion: 'Also, it maintains privacy and protects family matters.'

× Last week I shared a story to my friends which was really interesting and I found it very amazing.

✓ Last week I shared a story with my friends that was really interesting and I found it very enjoyable.

Use 'shared a story with my friends' (correct preposition). 'Which' can be used but 'that' is more natural here. 'Amazing' is acceptable but 'enjoyable' fits better. Keep past tense 'shared' consistent. Suggestion: Use 'shared with' not 'shared to'.

× The story was about here and tortoise which is highly prominent.

✓ The story was about the hare and the tortoise, which is a well-known fable.

'Here' is a typo for 'hare'. Use definite article 'the' for 'hare and the tortoise'. 'Highly prominent' is unnatural; 'well-known' or 'famous' fits. Add comma before 'which'. Suggestion: 'the hare and the tortoise' and 'a well-known fable'.

× Specifically, the first person is my closest friend along here with whom I like to share my good news along with my dreams and also my regular activities.

✓ Specifically, the first person is my closest friend, with whom I like to share my good news, my dreams, and my regular activities.

'Along here with' is incorrect word order and preposition choice. Use 'with whom' after 'friend'. Remove redundant 'along with' and keep parallel list structure with commas. Maintain present tense 'like' for habitual action. Suggestion: Keep parallel items and correct preposition: 'with whom'.

× Apart from that, I also enjoy doing my freedom activities.

✓ Apart from that, I also enjoy my free-time activities.

'Freedom activities' is incorrect phrasing; use 'free-time activities' or 'leisure activities'. 'Doing my' is unnecessary. Keep noun phrase concise. Suggestion: Use 'free-time' or 'leisure' for clarity.

× A sense of diversity can be seen when I answer this question.

✓ There is a variety of topics that I share when answering this question.

Original is wordy and awkward. 'A sense of diversity can be seen' is passive and unclear. Use active, clearer phrasing: 'There is a variety of topics I share.' Suggestion: Use direct phrasing to express the idea.

× To be specific, uh, sports related news is that one is most preferable as well as the environmental news also in my list.

✓ To be specific, sports-related news is my most preferred, and environmental news is also on my list.

Use hyphen 'sports-related' as a compound adjective and correct word order: 'is my most preferred'. 'The environmental news also in my list' is ungrammatical; use 'is also on my list'. Remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: 'sports-related news is my most preferred, and environmental news is also on my list.'

× Apart from that, uh entertainment news also.

✓ Apart from that, I also share entertainment news.

Fragment lacks verb and subject. Add 'I also share' to complete the sentence and remove 'uh'. Suggestion: Ensure every sentence has a subject and verb.