Travelling— Part 1 Báo cáo
Cuộc hội thoại
Part 1
Giám khảo
Do you look out the window at the scenery when travelling by bus or car?
Thí sinh
When it comes to, uh, watching scenery in your bus or car day by day, I would say I am a very frequent viewer when, uh, I would love to see what goes around in the city or the new places I visit to the car and I try to take pictures sometimes if I find something interesting along the way.
Giám khảo
Do you take photos of the scenery outside the car window?
Thí sinh
I often take photos of the scenery of rural spaces and urban landscapes when I'm inside the car. Often I would also take some videos of it, especially when I can see the landscapes changing as I move far from the places that I am well adjusted to. It's much of A much more like an artistic experience.
Giám khảo
Do you prefer the mountains or the sea?
Thí sinh
IA 100% prefer going to the sea for me from starting from a very young age I didn't like going to the mountains because I am terrified if I see any bugs and also I am not the best hiker because I think I lack the physique to become a better hiker than anybody else. I love to go to the sea because it has.
Đánh giá
Tổng
Part 1
Do you look out the window at the scenery when travelling by bus or car?
Điểm: 62.0Gợi ý: 문장 구조를 더 명확하게 하고 음성의 중복 표현(예: 'uh', 불필요한 수식어)을 줄이세요. 질문에 바로 답한 뒤 주제 문장과 1~2개의 구체적 세부사항(예: 언제, 무엇을 보는지, 사진을 왜 찍는지)을 연결어로 부드럽게 연결하면 더 자연스럽습니다. 또한 동사 시제와 전치사 사용(예: 'in the car' 대신 'by car' 혹은 'from the window')을 정확히 하세요.
Ví dụ: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I especially enjoy observing city streets and neighbourhoods because they show local life, and I sometimes take photos to remember interesting scenes. For instance, I recently photographed a colourful market I passed on my way to work.
Do you take photos of the scenery outside the car window?
Điểm: 58.0Gợi ý: 중복되는 단어('often')와 어색한 표현('much of A much more like')을 제거하고 문장을 간결하게 만드세요. 이유와 구체적 예시를 한두 문장으로 덧붙여 연결어(for example, because)를 사용하면 응답이 더 설득력 있게 됩니다. 또한 'well adjusted to' 같은 표현은 맥락에 맞지 않으니 'familiar with'로 바꾸세요.
Ví dụ: Yes, I often take photos and sometimes video from the car window because I enjoy watching how rural areas change into urban zones. For example, last month I recorded the transition from farmland to high-rise buildings during a long drive, which felt almost like watching a short film.
Do you prefer the mountains or the sea?
Điểm: 50.0Gợi ý: 발음 오류(예: 'IA' 대신 'I')와 문장 끝까지 완성하지 않은 응답을 고치세요. 먼저 간단한 주제 문장으로 선호를 밝히고, 이유를 2개 정도 구체적으로 설명하세요(예: 해변의 분위기, 활동). 부정적 이유는 간결히 말하고 긍정적 이유로 마무리하면 자연스럽습니다.
Ví dụ: I definitely prefer the sea to the mountains. I enjoy the relaxed atmosphere and beach activities like swimming and walking along the shore, and I also dislike hiking because I'm uncomfortable with insects and strenuous climbs.
Ngữ pháp
× When it comes to, uh, watching scenery in your bus or car day by day, I would say I am a very frequent viewer when, uh, I would love to see what goes around in the city or the new places I visit to the car and I try to take pictures sometimes if I find something interesting along the way.
✓ When it comes to watching scenery from a bus or car, I would say I look out very often because I love to see what is happening in the city or the new places I visit, and I try to take pictures sometimes if I find something interesting along the way.
문장 구조가 복잡하고 중복 표현(when, I would)과 어색한 전치사 사용(to the car)이 있습니다. 간결한 주절과 종속절로 재구성하고 'watching scenery from a bus or car'로 표현을 바꾸었습니다. 또한 'what goes around'를 자연스러운 현재진행/상태 표현인 'what is happening'으로 수정하고 쉼표와 접속사로 문장을 명확하게 연결하도록 했습니다.
× I often take photos of the scenery of rural spaces and urban landscapes when I'm inside the car.
✓ I often take photos of rural and urban scenery when I'm in the car.
전치사와 어색한 명사구 사용('of the scenery of rural spaces and urban landscapes')이 문제입니다. 더 자연스러운 표현은 'photos of rural and urban scenery'이며, 장소를 나타낼 때 'in the car'가 적절합니다.
× Often I would also take some videos of it, especially when I can see the landscapes changing as I move far from the places that I am well adjusted to.
✓ I also often take videos, especially when I can see the landscape changing as I move away from places I am familiar with.
'would'의 사용은 습관을 말할 때 불필요하며('often'와 혼용), 'move far from'과 'well adjusted to'는 어색합니다. 'move away from'과 'familiar with'로 바꾸어 자연스럽게 표현했습니다.
× It's much of A much more like an artistic experience.
✓ It's much more like an artistic experience.
불필요한 단어 반복('much of A much more')이 있어 문장이 어색합니다. 중복을 제거하여 'much more like an artistic experience'로 고쳤습니다.
× IA 100% prefer going to the sea for me from starting from a very young age I didn't like going to the mountains because I am terrified if I see any bugs and also I am not the best hiker because I think I lack the physique to become a better hiker than anybody else.
✓ I 100% prefer going to the sea. From a very young age, I didn't like going to the mountains because I am terrified of seeing bugs, and I'm not a good hiker because I think I lack the physique to be better than others.
문장이 길고 여러 생각이 한 문장에 섞여 있어 구조가 혼란스럽습니다. 'IA' 오타를 'I'로 수정했고 'terrified if I see any bugs'는 'terrified of seeing bugs'로, 'better hiker than anybody else'는 더 자연스럽게 'be better than others'로 바꾸어 명료하게 분리했습니다.
× I love to go to the sea because it has.
✓ I love going to the sea because it is relaxing and beautiful.
문장이 미완성되어 의미가 불분명합니다. 질문의 문맥에 맞게 이유를 완성하도록 'it is relaxing and beautiful'과 같이 구체적인 표현을 추가했습니다.
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