工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to give a direct response first, then add supporting details clearly and concisely. Avoid redundancy and improve sentence structure for better clarity.

示例: I'm currently a high school student in my final year. Although I want to gain work experience, I am still underage and cannot work legally yet.

建议: Your answer is relevant but a bit long and repetitive. Start with a clear topic sentence, then use linking words to add specific reasons. Try to avoid informal phrases and improve sentence flow.

示例: I don't work currently, but if I had the chance, I would choose baking because it helps me relax. For example, mixing ingredients can relieve stress and make the work enjoyable.

建议: Your answer has some repetition and unclear phrases. Try to express your ideas more clearly and use linking words to connect your points logically. Also, avoid repeating words unnecessarily.

示例: I believe a bakery is a good workplace because it positively changes my mood. Moreover, it involves minimal interaction with people, focusing instead on working with ingredients to create delicious baked goods.

建议: Your answer is incomplete and lacks clarity. Make sure to finish your sentences and provide specific reasons. Use linking words to organize your ideas and avoid abrupt endings.

示例: No, I don't like the bakery where I recently started working because it is very noisy, crowded, and uncomfortable to work in.

建议: Your answer is relevant but incomplete and contains grammatical errors. Try to complete your thoughts clearly and use linking words to explain your reasons. Avoid vague phrases and improve sentence structure.

示例: My future work plan is to become an engineer because I enjoy math, physics, and solving problems. I consider myself creative and like to think intensively to find solutions, even if they might not always be correct.

× I'm currently a student in high school that's this is the last year and I would like to experience the working field but I'm still on an underage so.

✓ I'm currently a student in high school; this is my last year, and I would like to experience the working field, but I'm still underage.

The original sentence is a run-on with unclear phrasing. 'That's this is the last year' is incorrect and confusing. Using a semicolon and commas clarifies the sentence structure. Also, 'on an underage' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'underage.' Improving sentence structure enhances clarity and grammatical correctness.

× As I mentioned I do not work but if I have the chance to work and options then I would choose baking because baking makes my head peaceful and it's so fun to work in a baking field as mixing can take out your stress and relax your mind.

✓ As I mentioned, I do not work, but if I had the chance to work and options, then I would choose baking because baking makes my head peaceful, and it's so fun to work in the baking field as mixing can relieve your stress and relax your mind.

The conditional sentence requires the past tense 'had' after 'if' to express an unreal or hypothetical situation. Also, 'take out your stress' is better expressed as 'relieve your stress.' Adding commas improves readability.

× I think working in a bakery is a good place to me as it's very mood changing and you don't interact much with people.

✓ I think working in a bakery is a good place for me as it's very mood-changing and you don't interact much with people.

The phrase 'a good place to me' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'for me.' Also, 'mood changing' should be hyphenated as 'mood-changing' when used as a compound adjective before a noun.

× All you, all you do and interact with is some ingredients that you you have to mix to bake and to make a sense of love.

✓ All you do and interact with are some ingredients that you have to mix to bake and to create a sense of love.

The sentence has redundancy ('all you, all you') and subject-verb agreement issues ('is' should be 'are' because the subject is plural). Also, 'make a sense of love' is better expressed as 'create a sense of love.' Removing redundancy and correcting verb agreement improves clarity.

× No recently I joined a new bakery shop that is very uncomfortable making in because it's so noisy and busy all the time and it's tight and.

✓ No, recently I joined a new bakery shop that is very uncomfortable to work in because it's so noisy and busy all the time, and it's cramped.

The phrase 'uncomfortable making in' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'uncomfortable to work in.' The sentence is incomplete and awkward; adding 'cramped' clarifies 'tight.' Also, commas and conjunctions improve sentence flow.

× My future work plans is all about engineering as I love doing math, doing physics, solving problems and I think my mind is very creative that even if you gave me any problem I would try to solve it with my intensive thoughts even though it may be wrong and it may be right but.

✓ My future work plans are all about engineering as I love doing math, physics, solving problems, and I think my mind is very creative. Even if you gave me any problem, I would try to solve it with my intensive thoughts, even though it may be wrong or right.

The subject 'plans' is plural, so the verb should be 'are' instead of 'is.' Also, the sentence was a run-on and lacked proper punctuation. Breaking it into two sentences and adding commas improves clarity and grammatical correctness.