工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is a bit confusing and does not directly respond to the question. Try to start with a clear topic sentence stating your current status, then add supporting details. Also, avoid redundancy and grammatical errors. Use linking words to make your answer coherent.

示例: I am currently working as an administrative translator in the mining industry. I have been in this role for around seven years, mainly handling timesheets and translating materials from English to Mongolian. I find this job rewarding because it allows me to use English every day while maintaining a good work-life balance.

建议: Your answer provides relevant information but lacks clear structure and linking words. Try to form complete sentences and connect your ideas logically. Also, be more specific about your role and the company's function.

示例: I work at Oracle Mongolia, which is part of an Australia-based global company providing explosive blasting services for the mining industry in Mongolia. My role as an administrative translator involves supporting communication between local staff and internal teams to ensure smooth project operations.

建议: Your answer has good ideas but contains many grammatical errors and unclear phrases. Use linking words to connect your points and avoid filler words like 'Whatever'. Also, be more precise and natural in your descriptions.

示例: Yes, I would definitely say it is an excellent place to work because it is quiet and very comfortable, which helps me concentrate on my tasks. Moreover, the office is equipped with modern technology, so we have everything we need to work efficiently. Additionally, my colleagues are friendly and approachable.

建议: Your answer is unclear and contains many errors. Make sure to use correct vocabulary and grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then explain your reasons with specific details using linking words.

示例: Yes, I like the place where I work because Oracle focuses on innovation, safety, and sustainability. Especially, the company is moving towards digital mining technology, which excites me. I am proud to contribute to a company that cares about global safety and develops innovative blasting systems.

建议: Your answer has good content but contains repetition and grammatical mistakes. Use linking words to connect your ideas and avoid repeating words. Be clear and concise in expressing your plans.

示例: In the upcoming years, I plan to pursue a master's degree in Business Administration at Mongolian National University. This will help me achieve my long-term goals and advance my career by improving my skills.

× Are you currently working as administrator translation in mining industry?

✓ I am currently working as an administrator and translator in the mining industry.

The original sentence is structured as a question but is intended as a statement. Also, 'administrator translation' is incorrect; it should be 'administrator and translator'. The article 'an' is needed before 'administrator'. The phrase 'in mining industry' requires the definite article 'the' before 'mining industry'.

× I have been this role for around 7 years.

✓ I have been in this role for around 7 years.

The verb phrase 'have been' requires the preposition 'in' to indicate the position or role held. Omitting 'in' makes the sentence grammatically incorrect.

× I mainly handle timesheet and translate materials English to Mongolia.

✓ I mainly handle timesheets and translate materials from English to Mongolian.

The word 'timesheet' should be plural as 'timesheets' to match the context. The preposition 'from' is needed before 'English' to indicate the source language, and 'to' before 'Mongolian' to indicate the target language. Also, 'Mongolia' (the country) should be 'Mongolian' (the language).

× I find the job is quite rewarding because it gives me good working life balance while using English everyday.

✓ I find the job quite rewarding because it gives me a good work-life balance while using English every day.

The phrase 'find the job is' is awkward; 'find the job quite rewarding' is more natural. 'Working life balance' should be 'work-life balance' with hyphens. 'Everyday' is an adjective meaning common; the adverb 'every day' is correct here.

× I work at Oracle Mongolia which is part of Australia based global company that provides explosive blasting service for mining industry in Mongolia.

✓ I work at Oracle Mongolia, which is part of an Australia-based global company that provides explosive blasting services for the mining industry in Mongolia.

A comma is needed before 'which' to introduce a non-restrictive clause. 'Australia based' should be hyphenated as 'Australia-based'. The article 'an' is needed before 'Australia-based global company'. 'Service' should be plural 'services' to match the context. 'Mining industry' requires the definite article 'the'.

× Mainly support of the project.

✓ I mainly support the project.

The original sentence is a fragment lacking a subject and verb. Adding 'I' as the subject and changing 'support of' to 'support' corrects the sentence structure.

× I work as administration translator and my job is to support communication between locals and internal teams.

✓ I work as an administrative translator, and my job is to support communication between locals and internal teams.

The phrase 'administration translator' is incorrect; it should be 'administrative translator'. The article 'an' is needed before 'administrative translator'. A comma before 'and' improves readability.

× Yes, I would definitely say it's excellent place to walk the opposite especially quiet and very comfortable which makes easy to concentrate my task.

✓ Yes, I would definitely say it's an excellent place to work, especially because it is quiet and very comfortable, which makes it easy to concentrate on my tasks.

'Excellent place to walk the opposite' is incorrect; it should be 'excellent place to work'. The article 'an' is needed before 'excellent place'. 'Especially quiet and very comfortable' needs 'because it is' for clarity. 'Makes easy to concentrate my task' requires 'makes it easy to concentrate on my tasks' for grammatical correctness.

× It also pilled with modern technology so we have everything we need to work efficiently.

✓ It is also filled with modern technology, so we have everything we need to work efficiently.

The word 'pilled' is a typo; the correct word is 'filled'. The verb 'is' is needed to form the passive voice 'is filled'. A comma before 'so' is appropriate.

× Whatever.

✓ (Remove this fragment as it is incomplete and unnecessary.)

'Whatever.' is a sentence fragment and does not contribute meaningfully to the response. It should be removed.

× My colleagues are friendly and approachable.

✓ My colleagues are friendly and approachable.

This sentence is correct and requires no changes.

× Yes, I admire Orika focus on invitation and safety, sustainability, especially move to the digital mining technology.

✓ Yes, I admire Orica's focus on innovation and safety, sustainability, and especially its move to digital mining technology.

The company name is 'Orica', not 'Orika'. 'Focus on invitation' should be 'focus on innovation'. Possessive form 'Orica's' is needed. The list requires conjunctions for clarity. 'Move to the digital mining technology' should be 'move to digital mining technology' with 'its' to indicate possession.

× I'm so excited to contribute the company play care round around the world such as blasting and the innovation systems.

✓ I'm so excited to contribute to the company’s global efforts, such as blasting and innovative systems.

The phrase 'contribute the company play care round around the world' is unclear and ungrammatical. It should be 'contribute to the company’s global efforts'. 'Innovation systems' is better expressed as 'innovative systems'.

× In the upcoming years, I want to pursue my master degree as Business Administration in Mongolian National University and that that helps me to achieve the long term goals and my career ways to level level up my skills.

✓ In the upcoming years, I want to pursue my master's degree in Business Administration at Mongolian National University, which will help me achieve my long-term goals and advance my career by leveling up my skills.

'Master degree' should be 'master's degree'. The preposition 'in' is used for the field of study, and 'at' for the university. 'That that helps me' is redundant; 'which will help me' is correct. 'Long term goals' should be hyphenated as 'long-term goals'. 'My career ways to level level up my skills' is unclear; it should be 'advance my career by leveling up my skills'.