工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to make your answer more natural and concise. Avoid filler words like 'uh' and unclear phrases such as 'I find a job in my own, uh, studies.' Also, use correct prepositions and verb forms. For example, say 'I hope to find a good job related to my studies.'

示例: Currently, I am not working, but I am a student studying urban design. My goal is to find a well-paid job in this field to become independent from my family.

建议: Avoid repeating information and unclear phrases like 'approach to the goal of independency' and 'in the scope of my studiness.' Use simpler and clearer expressions. Also, correct grammar mistakes such as 'I have designed Urban Design in Master' which is confusing.

示例: I am not working at the moment, but I aim to find a rewarding, well-paid job related to my studies. I completed a Master's in Urban Design and studied Architecture for four years, so I want to work in an architecture firm.

建议: Use clearer and more natural expressions. Avoid incorrect phrases like 'good frame' and 'people that are master in that scope of area.' Also, use correct verb tenses and articles. Try to be more concise and coherent by using linking words properly.

示例: Yes, I believe working in a well-known architecture firm is a great first step. It allows me to develop my skills and gain practical experience from experts in the field.

建议: Correct grammar mistakes such as 'I'm walking as an apprenticeship' (should be 'doing an apprenticeship') and 'it have' (should be 'it has'). Also, clarify ideas and avoid run-on sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas logically.

示例: Currently, I am doing an apprenticeship at an architectural firm. It is a good opportunity to gain experience and learn from professionals. Although the work includes many errands and long hours, I believe it is worth it.

建议: Avoid filler words and unclear phrases like 'gather more detail from My Portfolio who I want to show it.' Use clearer and grammatically correct sentences. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

示例: My future work plans have two main goals. First, I want to improve my skills by learning from professionals. Second, I plan to enhance my portfolio to increase my chances of getting interviews and advancing in my career.

× I hope I would be, uh, a firm in a very good lucrative job one day.

✓ I hope I will be, uh, in a very good lucrative job one day.

The modal verb 'would' is incorrectly used here to express a future hope. The correct modal verb to express future intention or hope is 'will'. Also, 'a firm' is incorrect in this context; it should be 'in a job' or 'at a firm'.

× it is one of my aims in order to become independent on my family and start my life from scratch.

✓ it is one of my aims to become independent from my family and start my life from scratch.

The preposition 'on' is incorrectly used with 'independent'. The correct preposition is 'from' to indicate separation or independence from someone or something.

× I find a job in my own, uh, studies.

✓ I want to find a job on my own, related to my studies.

The phrase 'in my own' is incorrect here. The correct expression is 'on my own' meaning independently. Also, 'studies' should be connected properly to indicate the field or area.

× it is one of my aims to approach to the goal of independency by finding a rewarding well paid job in the scope of my studiness.

✓ it is one of my aims to approach the goal of independence by finding a rewarding, well-paid job in the scope of my studies.

The preposition 'to' after 'approach' is unnecessary and incorrect. Also, 'independency' is less common than 'independence'. 'Studiness' is incorrect; the correct noun is 'studies'.

× Well, I have designed Urban Design in Master and Architecture in the university for four years.

✓ Well, I have studied Urban Design at the Master's level and Architecture at the university for four years.

The verb 'have designed' is incorrect here; the correct verb is 'have studied' to indicate education. Also, 'in Master' should be 'at the Master's level'.

× I think the best first step for every people who doesn't really walked in previous years is to find a good frame, a famous frame, uh, where he can flourish his skills and gain practical experiences for the people that are master in that scope of area.

✓ I think the best first step for every person who hasn't really worked in previous years is to find a good firm, a famous firm, where they can flourish their skills and gain practical experience from people who are masters in that area.

'Every people' is incorrect; it should be 'every person'. 'Doesn't really walked' mixes tenses; correct is 'hasn't really worked'. 'Frame' is a wrong word; the correct word is 'firm'. Pronouns should be consistent and gender-neutral ('they', 'their'). 'Practical experiences' should be singular 'experience'. 'Master' should be plural 'masters'.

× I think it is really good for me to find a job in a architecture firm.

✓ I think it is really good for me to find a job in an architecture firm.

The article 'a' is incorrect before a word starting with a vowel sound like 'architecture'. The correct article is 'an'.

× Well currently I'm walking as an apprenticeship in an architectural firm.

✓ Well, currently I'm working as an apprentice in an architectural firm.

The verb 'walking' is incorrect here; the correct verb is 'working'. Also, 'an apprenticeship' is a noun; the correct term for a person is 'an apprentice'.

× However, it have so many running errand jobs and if the hours are really long but it worth the hype I believe.

✓ However, it has so many running errand jobs and the hours are really long, but it is worth the hype, I believe.

The subject 'it' requires the verb 'has' not 'have'. Also, the sentence structure is corrected for clarity and grammar.

× Well, my career plans is divided into two main factors.

✓ Well, my career plans are divided into two main factors.

The subject 'plans' is plural, so the verb should be 'are' instead of 'is'.

× try to gather, uh, more detail from My Portfolio who I want to, uh, show it in order to get an interview or, uh, a progress in my job.

✓ try to gather, uh, more details for my portfolio which I want to show in order to get an interview or progress in my job.

'Detail' should be plural 'details'. 'My Portfolio' should not be capitalized. 'Who' is incorrect for objects; 'which' is correct. 'Show it' is redundant; 'show' suffices. 'A progress' is incorrect; 'progress' is uncountable and does not take 'a'.