工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is clear and informative with good content, but it's slightly repetitive (use of 'educate' repeatedly) and a bit long. Use a concise topic sentence, then 1–2 supporting details with linking words to improve flow and reduce redundancy. Vary vocabulary (e.g., 'advise', 'counsel') and avoid repeating 'what I do is' constructions.

示例: I work as a pharmacist in Lagos, mainly dispensing medications and counselling patients on their proper use. For example, I explain possible side effects and advise on lifestyle changes to help manage chronic conditions.

建议: Good specific details about the pharmacy, but phrasing is awkward ('lay complaints') and some redundancy ('we sell... we also dispense'). Start with a direct location statement, then give two clear points using linking words. Use precise verbs (e.g., 'handle', 'address') and correct idioms ('raise concerns' or 'make complaints').

示例: I work at D&M Pharmacy in Lagos. We sell over-the-counter products and dispense prescription medicines when a doctor prescribes them, and we also counsel patients who come in to raise health concerns so we can address their needs.

建议: Your positive impression is clear, but there are grammar mistakes ('walk' should be 'work'; sentence fragments) and some vague or repetitive phrasing ('equipment, modern equipment'). Begin with a direct topic sentence, then give two specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar and avoid repetition.

示例: Yes, it's a good place to work because the environment is supportive and managers are approachable. In addition, our workflow is well-organised and we use modern equipment, which makes daily tasks easier.

建议: You give personal and specific reasons, which is good. Improve naturalness by using smoother linking phrases ('firstly', 'also') and correcting word choices ('take on busy schedules for people' is unclear; 'casual wears' -> 'casual clothes'). Keep it concise and avoid awkward comparisons.

示例: I enjoy my workplace for several reasons. Firstly, my colleagues are very supportive and help each other during busy shifts; secondly, we have a relaxed dress code on Fridays, which creates a friendly atmosphere.

建议: Clear ambitions and good detail about charity goals. To be more concise and coherent, start with a topic sentence about primary career aim, then add linked secondary aims. Use more precise wording ('establish' a foundation) and avoid 'probably'.

示例: My main goal is to own my own pharmacy, and after that I hope to open a restaurant and establish a charitable foundation. Through the foundation, I would run free community health programmes to provide care for underserved people.

× I currently work as a pharmacist in Lagos.

✓ I currently work as a pharmacist in Lagos.

No correction needed; sentence correctly uses present simple to describe current employment.

× What I do is that I basically dispense medications to patients.

✓ What I do is basically dispense medications to patients.

Remove unnecessary 'that' to make the cleft sentence concise and natural. The structure 'What I do is + base verb' should be followed by the base verb without 'that'.

× I educate them on the proper use of these medications and I teach them about side effects and adverse reactions.

✓ I educate them on the proper use of medications and teach them about side effects and adverse reactions.

Parallel verbs in a compound predicate should share the same form. Omitting the second 'I' and 'these' (optional) makes the sentence smoother while maintaining meaning.

× I also educate them on lifestyle management and disease management.

✓ I also educate them on lifestyle and disease management.

Combine similar nouns to avoid repetition; 'lifestyle and disease management' is clearer and more concise.

× I currently work at D&M Pharmacy in Lagos and what we do is that we sell over the counter medications.

✓ I currently work at D&M Pharmacy in Lagos, and what we do is sell over-the-counter medications.

Remove unnecessary 'that' after 'is' in the cleft construction and hyphenate 'over-the-counter' as it is a compound adjective before a noun. Add a comma before 'and' to separate clauses.

× We also dispense prescription medications only when a doctor has prescribed it.

✓ We also dispense prescription medications only when a doctor has prescribed them.

Pronoun must agree in number with 'medications' (plural). Use 'them' instead of 'it'.

× Our pharmacy is open to people to come and lay complaints and then resolve their issues.

✓ Our pharmacy is open to people to come and make complaints so we can resolve their issues.

Use 'make complaints' or 'raise complaints' instead of 'lay complaints'. Change clause order and conjunction for natural flow: 'so we can resolve' clarifies purpose.

× Definitely it is a good place to walk because I environment is supportive.

✓ Definitely, it is a good place to work because the environment is supportive.

Correct typos: 'walk' -> 'work' and 'I' -> 'the'. Add a comma after 'Definitely' and use 'the environment' for proper noun phrase.

× We have managers that are kind and approachable and are very understanding.

✓ We have managers who are kind, approachable, and understanding.

Use 'who' for people rather than 'that'. Use commas to separate adjectives and avoid repeating 'are' by using a parallel adjective list.

× Our tasks are simplified.

✓ Our tasks are simplified.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed.

× We use equipment, modern equipment to solve our issues.

✓ We use modern equipment to solve our problems.

Avoid repetition by placing the adjective before the noun ('modern equipment') and use 'problems' which is more natural than 'issues' in this context.

× Would you like the place where you work?

✓ Do you like the place where you work?

The examiner's question 'Would you like the place where you work?' is awkward; 'Do you like the place where you work?' is the natural present-tense question. If keeping original, student answer should respond to 'Do you work or are you a student?'; here the student reply is corrected accordingly.

× I definitely like where I work because number one, I have good team members who are very supportive in performing tasks.

✓ I definitely like where I work because, first, I have good team members who are very supportive when performing tasks.

Use 'first' instead of 'number one' for formal spoken English and add comma after introductory phrase. Use 'when performing tasks' to clarify the context.

× They take on busy schedules for people and we're able to wear casual wears on Fridays, unlike in some pharmacies where nobody can wear.

✓ They handle busy schedules, and we're allowed to wear casual clothes on Fridays, unlike in some pharmacies where nobody can.

'Take on busy schedules for people' is awkward; 'handle busy schedules' is clearer. 'Casual wears' is incorrect — use 'casual clothes'. Simplify the ending to 'where nobody can' (wear them) or specify 'wear casual clothes'.

× I would like to own my pharmacy and then probably have time to have my own restaurant and engage in charity.

✓ I would like to own my pharmacy and probably have time to run my own restaurant and engage in charity work.

'Have time to have my own restaurant' is awkward; 'have time to run my own restaurant' is clearer. Add 'work' after 'charity' for natural collocation.

× I would love to have a charity foundation so that I can provide free community health programs and care to people.

✓ I would love to start a charity foundation so that I can provide free community health programs and care for people.

'Start a charity foundation' is more common than 'have a charity foundation'. Use 'care for people' rather than 'care to people' for correct preposition use.