工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence (I work...), then give one or two specific details. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g. "bicycles" in frozen section) and tense errors. Use linking words if you add details (for example, "also" or "sometimes").

示例: I work at Moon Work supermarket in Australia as a sales representative. I also stock items in the frozen food section, especially frozen vegetables, and sometimes help with general inventory. This role gives me good customer service experience.

建议: Give a clear, coherent location description. Use correct place names or say if you mean a neighborhood. Avoid fragmented phrases. Use a linking word to add a detail about convenience.

示例: I work in the Wolves shopping complex in the Kasturba area of Bala Vista. It is very close to the metro station, so it’s convenient and easy to get there.

建议: Organize your answer: state your opinion, then give two specific reasons. Fix grammar (use singular/plural agreement and correct verbs). Use linking words (for example, "because", "also"). Be concise and avoid vague phrases like "providing either effect".

示例: Yes, it’s a good place to work because my colleagues are friendly and helpful. Also, the manager is flexible with shift schedules, which makes balancing work and life much easier.

建议: Answer directly and clearly with correct tense and vocabulary. Say why you like it, giving one or two specific benefits. Avoid unclear phrases like "purchased the first time school." Use linking words (for instance, "because" or "so").

示例: Yes, I like working there because the mall has a large food court, so I can quickly get a meal during breaks. It’s convenient and saves me time after my shift.

建议: State your goal clearly and give a brief reason or plan. Use correct phrases ("I would like to" or "I want to") and accurate collocations ("apply for a position," "gain experience"). Mention concrete steps you are taking. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

示例: In the future I would like to work as a pharmacy technician in Australia. I recently applied for a pharmacy assistant position and am now looking for work to gain relevant experience and training in the field.

× I work as a representative and sometimes used to build the stocks of the frozen section, especially the vegetables and bicycles.

✓ I work as a representative and sometimes build the stock in the frozen section, especially of vegetables and ... (check intended item 'bicycles' likely 'berries' or 'pickles').

The phrase 'used to build the stocks' misuses 'used to' plus base verb; 'used to' expresses a past habit and is inappropriate for present occasional actions. Also 'build the stocks' is unnatural; 'build stock' or 'stock the shelves' is correct. Use simple present 'sometimes stock' or 'sometimes build' without 'used to'. If the student meant a past regular action, use 'I used to stock'. Clarify the item 'bicycles' which seems incorrect.

× Event in the Wolves which is 1 of Kasturba in the Bala Vista.

✓ It is in the Wolves area, which is part of Kasturba in Bala Vista.

Original sentence lacks a clear subject and verb and uses numeric and noun fragments incorrectly. Rewriting adds a subject ('It'), a verb ('is'), and correct relative clause punctuation. Avoid writing digits for 'one' in spoken answers.

× It is very close to the metro station which might be convenient and comfortable to reach there.

✓ It is very close to the metro station, so it is convenient and easy to reach.

The preposition 'to reach there' is redundant and awkward. Use 'to reach' without 'there' or rephrase using 'easy to get to'. Also 'comfortable to reach' is unnatural; use 'convenient' or 'easy'. Replace 'might be' with present 'is' when stating a fact about location.

× I say it's very good place as the people and the staff are the good and also the manager are very comfortable with the shifts providing either effect or they doesn't hesitate to give it and also the staff are very cooperative for helping in each and every task.

✓ I would say it's a very good place because the people and staff are friendly, and the manager is flexible with shifts and does not hesitate to give them. The staff are very cooperative and help with every task.

Multiple errors: missing indefinite article 'a' before 'very good place'; 'the people and the staff are the good' should be 'people and staff are friendly' (adjective use). Subject-verb agreement: 'manager are' -> 'manager is'; 'they doesn't' -> 'does not'; awkward phrasing 'shifts providing either effect' unclear—replace with 'flexible with shifts'. Use parallel structure and correct verb forms and articles.

× Yes, I love the place where I'm working right now and this place has a big complex in which there is a food court.

✓ Yes, I love the place where I work right now. The place is a large complex that has a food court.

Mixing present simple 'I love' with present continuous 'I'm working' is acceptable, but 'where I work' is more natural for a habitual workplace. 'This place has a big complex in which there is a food court' is awkward; clearer to say 'The place is a large complex that has a food court.' Maintain consistent present simple for routine facts.

× So once I have to take a meals I got it a food court and at the end of my job I purchased the first time school as it saves my time.

✓ So when I need to have a meal, I go to the food court. After work I sometimes buy something from there because it saves me time.

Multiple preposition and verb errors: 'once I have to take a meals' should be 'when I need to have a meal'; 'I got it a food court' should be 'I go to the food court'; 'at the end of my job I purchased the first time school' is unclear—likely intended 'after work I buy food' or 'I buy something' and 'purchased the first time school' is meaningless. Use present simple for habits and correct verb forms.

× In my future I will definitely love to work as a pharmacy technician in Australia, as I wrote my school assistant post a few weeks ago.

✓ In the future I would definitely like to work as a pharmacy technician in Australia. I applied for a school assistant position a few weeks ago.

'Will definitely love to work' is awkward; use 'would like' or 'definitely want to work' for future intentions. 'I wrote my school assistant post' incorrectly uses 'wrote' and 'post'; correct verb is 'applied for' and 'position' or 'post'. Keep tense consistent when describing recent actions (present perfect or simple past 'applied a few weeks ago').

× So now I'm looking for a job so that I can contribute my experience into the pharmacy.

✓ So now I'm looking for a job where I can apply my experience in a pharmacy.

The preposition 'contribute my experience into' is incorrect. Use 'apply my experience in' or 'contribute my experience to' and 'in a pharmacy' or 'to the pharmacy sector'. 'Where' clarifies the job context. 'Apply' is a more natural verb here.