工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (tenses, articles), avoid repetition, and add one or two specific supporting details. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

示例: I'm working as a retail store supervisor. I completed an MBA in Finance and Marketing and moved to Canada in 2022, and since then I've been working in retail management. I enjoy the role because it offers continuous learning—especially in team leadership and customer relations.

建议: Give a clear, accurate statement of your workplace using correct nouns and prepositions. Avoid unclear or invented phrases; be specific about the company and location. Use one topic sentence and one supporting detail (branch location).

示例: I work as a store supervisor for Formula, a designer retail brand with stores in Canada and the US. I am based at their Timmins branch, which is located in a busy shopping mall.

建议: Be concise and avoid filler words. State the reason clearly and support it with a concrete example (e.g., training, teamwork). Use linking words to connect ideas and correct small grammatical mistakes.

示例: Yes, it's a great place to work because management and colleagues are very supportive. For example, we have regular team training and colleagues always help each other during busy shifts, which creates a positive learning atmosphere.

建议: Answer directly and clearly, correct grammar, and give one specific reason why you like the location or role. Replace vague phrases like “made the strangers” with precise descriptions of what you learn or experience.

示例: Yes, I like working there because the store is in a busy mall right in front of the food court, so I meet many different customers. This exposure improves my customer service skills and helps me learn how to handle a variety of requests.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence about your plan, correct vocabulary (e.g., 'financial advisor', 'license' — clarify type), and give specific steps you will take with linking words to show reasoning. Avoid hesitations and repetition.

示例: In the future I plan to become a financial advisor because of my background in finance and marketing. To achieve this, I am preparing to obtain the necessary certification (a financial advisor license) and gain experience in financial planning so I can build a stable, long-term career.

× After finish my masters in MBA in Finance and Marketing, I moved to Canada in 2022.

✓ After finishing my master's degree, an MBA in Finance and Marketing, I moved to Canada in 2022.

The original uses the base verb 'finish' where a gerund or past participle is needed to show a completed action prior to moving. Use 'finishing' to indicate the action and 'my master's degree' is the correct noun phrase and punctuation for the qualification. ID:5

× After finish my masters in MBA in Finance and Marketing, I moved to Canada in 2022.

✓ After finishing my master's degree, an MBA in Finance and Marketing, I moved to Canada in 2022.

Missing articles and incorrect noun form: 'masters' should be 'master's degree' and 'an MBA' requires the article 'an'. Use correct noun phrase to be grammatical. ID:22

× Since that time I'm in the management field and I love this job because it's a learning, good learning for me and it's enjoyable career for me.

✓ Since then I have been working in management, and I love this job because it is a great learning opportunity and an enjoyable career for me.

Use present perfect continuous or present perfect ('have been working') to describe an action that started in the past and continues. 'Since that time' is better as 'since then'. Also correct article usage: 'a learning, good learning' is awkward; use 'a great learning opportunity'. ID:6

× I work at the retaining store supervisor at the social store, the Formula's designer brand Canada and the disorganization has internationally developed.

✓ I work as a retail store supervisor at Social Store, Formula Designer Brand Canada; the organization has developed internationally.

Plural/singular and word choice errors: 'retaining' should be 'retail' and the role is 'work as a ... supervisor'. 'Disorganization' is incorrect; 'organization' is intended. Also 'has internationally developed' places adverb awkwardly; use 'has developed internationally'. ID:1

× I work at the retaining store supervisor at the social store, the Formula's designer brand Canada and the disorganization has internationally developed.

✓ I work as a retail store supervisor at Social Store, Formula Designer Brand Canada; the organization has developed internationally.

Incorrect articles and name capitalization: omit 'the' before brand names unless needed, and 'Formula's' is incorrect possessive. Use proper noun forms. ID:22

× This has a branch in the US and Canada and I am working in a one of the branches in Timmins and is located in the mall.

✓ It has branches in the US and Canada, and I am working at one of the branches in Timmins, which is located in the mall.

Use 'branches' plural for multiple locations. Use 'at one of the branches' (not 'in a one of the branches'). Add relative clause 'which is located...' and correct subject agreement. ID:11

× This has a branch in the US and Canada and I am working in a one of the branches in Timmins and is located in the mall.

✓ It has branches in the US and Canada, and I am working at one of the branches in Timmins, which is located in the mall.

The clause 'and is located in the mall' lacks a clear subject; use 'which is located' to agree with 'the branch'. Also 'This has a branch' is better as 'It has branches'. ID:27

× Yes, this is a perfect place to work because both the management and the team members are supportive.

✓ Yes, this is a perfect place to work because both management and the team members are supportive.

Omit 'the' before uncountable collective noun 'management' in this context. Pronoun usage is acceptable but article use with nouns should be adjusted. ID:12

× Everyone has their own friends, so they never uh, they know to help to the each other.

✓ Everyone has their own friends, so they always know how to help each other.

Remove redundant 'they' and incorrect 'to' usages. Use 'always' instead of 'never' in context if the meaning is positive; original likely meant they do help each other. Use 'know how to help each other' for correct verb phrase. ID:12

× So this is a learning atmosphere here and everybody loves to enjoy that kind of atmosphere.

✓ So this is a learning atmosphere, and everybody enjoys that kind of environment.

Avoid redundant phrasing 'loves to enjoy' — 'enjoys' suffices. 'Atmosphere' repeated is stylistically weak; replace second instance with 'environment'. ID:26

× Yes, I like this place because it's located in the busiest mall and just in front of the food courts.

✓ Yes, I like this place because it's located in the busiest mall and right in front of the food court.

Use 'right in front of' instead of 'just in front of' (both possible) and singular 'food court' is more natural when referring to the mall's main area. 'the busiest mall' is acceptable if previously referenced. ID:11

× So along with my own duties as a part of uh, serve the customer service, I made the strangers as well, so it's a nice learning for me.

✓ So, along with my own duties as part of customer service, I serve strangers as well, so it's good learning for me.

Use 'serve' (base form) for present habitual action; original 'serve the customer service' is ungrammatical—use 'part of customer service'. 'I made the strangers' is incorrect; likely 'I serve strangers'. 'It's a nice learning' should be 'it's good learning' or 'it's a valuable learning experience'. ID:8

× Uh, my future plans are different than my current job. Uh, in future I wanna be a financial advisor because my background is in my finance and marketing and that's why I'm planning to get a little cup license.

✓ My future plans are different from my current job. In the future I want to be a financial advisor because my background is in finance and marketing, and that's why I'm planning to get a licensure/certification.

Use 'different from' (not 'different than'). 'In the future' is the correct phrase. Avoid colloquial 'wanna'—use 'want to'. 'My finance' is incorrect; say 'finance'. 'little cup license' is unclear—use 'licensure' or 'a certification' depending on intended meaning. ID:7

× Uh, my future plans are different than my current job.

✓ My future plans are different from my current job.

Standard collocation is 'different from' (or 'different to' in some dialects), not 'different than' in formal English. ID:11

× So it will give me a stable career, long term career.

✓ So it will give me a stable, long-term career.

Reduce redundancy and use hyphenated adjective 'long-term' before 'career'. Only one article 'a' is needed before the compound adjective+noun. ID:22