家乡— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um), and give one short supporting detail. Use a linking phrase if you add more information.

示例: I’m from Tehran, the capital of Iran. It’s a major megacity with a population of several million, so it has many cultural attractions and modern facilities.

建议: Answer directly then give a specific reason with clearer grammar and fewer repetitions. Use linking words (for example, because, and) and correct noun phrases (e.g., all kinds of facilities).

示例: I like Tehran because it offers all kinds of facilities and services. For example, new shops and cultural events often open there first, so I always find something interesting to do.

建议: Use the correct tense and be decisive. Begin with a clear topic sentence stating duration, avoid hesitations, and give a brief confirmation if needed.

示例: I have lived in Tehran my whole life — about 22 years. I was born and raised there, so it’s the place I know best.

建议: Organize your answer: give a clear opinion, then 2–3 specific reasons using linking words. Avoid vague or repetitive phrases and be precise (e.g., high cost of living, air pollution, limited outdoor spaces).

示例: I don’t think it’s ideal for young people because of severe air pollution and a high cost of living. For instance, poor air quality limits outdoor activities, and expensive housing makes it hard for young families to settle.

× I live in Tehran, which is, uh, the capital of my country, Iran, and it's, uh, one of, uh, my country's megacity.

✓ I live in Tehran, which is the capital of my country, Iran, and it's one of my country's megacities.

The noun 'megacity' should be plural because 'one of' requires a plural noun ('one of my country's megacities'). Also remove unnecessary filler words and commas for clarity. Suggestion: use 'one of' + plural noun and avoid redundant pauses.

× I like my hometown because you can find every facilities and you can see and new things at first in Tehran and it's a crowded place, which I like it more than outside of the country.

✓ I like my hometown because you can find all kinds of facilities and you can see new things first in Tehran; it's a crowded place, which I prefer to places outside the country.

'Every facilities' is incorrect; use 'all kinds of facilities' or 'every facility' (singular form with countable nouns). 'See and new things at first' is ungrammatical; correct to 'see new things first'. 'Which I like it more than outside of the country' contains redundancy ('which' + subject 'it') and incorrect comparison; revise to 'which I prefer to places outside the country.' Suggestions: use appropriate quantifier for countable nouns and avoid redundant pronouns.

× I lived there, uh, whole of my life and it, and it's like about umm, 22 or 23 years.

✓ I have lived there my whole life; I'm about 22 or 23 years old.

The student used simple past 'I lived there' which implies no longer living there; present perfect 'I have lived there' is correct for an action continuing to the present. Also 'whole of my life' should be 'my whole life'. The clause 'it's like about 22 or 23 years' is unclear; clarify by saying 'I'm about 22 or 23 years old' or 'I have lived there for about 22 or 23 years.' Suggestions: use present perfect for experiences continuing to now, and express age or duration clearly.

× Nowadays it's not really good for most of the people, especially young people, because it's very polluted and the children can't go outside or go to schools and it's not very good and it's very high prices too.

✓ Nowadays it's not really good for most people, especially young people, because it's very polluted; children often cannot play outside or go to school, and living costs are very high.

'Most of the people' is wordy; use 'most people.' 'The children can't go outside or go to schools' is unnatural; use 'children often cannot play outside or go to school.' 'It's very high prices' is incorrect structure; use 'living costs are very high' or 'prices are very high.' Suggestions: use concise expressions, correct noun phrases (school not schools when general), and proper subjects for 'prices.'

× ...it's a crowded place, which I like it more than outside of the country.

✓ ...it's a crowded place, which I prefer to places outside the country.

The clause uses both the relative pronoun 'which' and the subject pronoun 'it', causing redundancy. Additionally, 'like it more than outside of the country' is an incorrect comparison. Use 'prefer to' and compare with 'places outside the country.' Suggestion: avoid repeating subject after 'which' and use correct comparative structures.