耐心— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise, correct grammar and reduce repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and an example. Avoid filler words and repetition (e.g., “calm, calm, calm”). Use correct adjectives and adverbs (patient vs. patiently).

示例: I would say I am a patient person because I prefer to plan and take my time rather than rush. For example, when I study a difficult topic I break it into small steps and work through them calmly, which helps me understand it better.

建议: Open with a direct topic sentence, then give a specific, coherent reason and a short example. Improve phrasing (e.g., “wasting valuable time” instead of “gives more valuable time of my life”). Avoid hesitation and repetition.

示例: Although I am usually patient, I become impatient when I have to wait for long appointments. For instance, waiting two hours for a doctor's visit makes me feel frustrated because it wastes time I could use for work or studying.

建议: Give a clear, grammatically correct topic sentence and two concise supporting points with linking words (e.g., “however” or “on the other hand”). Avoid unclear phrases (“hate the bar”). Provide a brief example to illustrate.

示例: It depends: if the task interests me, I enjoy spending a long time on it; however, if it is something I dislike, I become bored and unhappy. For example, I can happily spend hours reading about history, but I get restless doing repetitive data entry.

建议: Start with a direct answer, then give a specific reason and a brief example. Correct grammar (children, not children's) and remove redundancy (“when I deal with children then”). Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “teaching” instead of “tuition”).

示例: Yes. As a tutor I must be patient because children learn at different speeds. For example, when a student struggles with a concept I repeat explanations and use new examples until they understand.

建议: Make a clear comparison with correct grammar and concise supporting details. Use linking words (e.g., “because” or “therefore”) and avoid hesitation. Provide a concrete example showing how experience increased your patience.

示例: Yes, I am more patient now than as a child because life experience taught me to stay calm in difficult situations. For instance, after years of tutoring I now remain composed when a lesson goes off track and adapt my approach instead of becoming frustrated.

× I think patients make our lives more calm, calm, calm and peaceful.

✓ I think patience makes our lives calmer and more peaceful.

The student used the adjective 'patients' (plural noun) instead of the abstract noun 'patience' and repeated 'calm' awkwardly. Also 'more calm' should be comparative 'calmer'. Use 'patience' (uncountable) and the comparative form 'calmer' with 'more peaceful' for parallel structure. Suggestion: replace 'patients' with 'patience', use 'calmer' rather than 'more calm', and avoid unnecessary repetition.

× Doing things with patiently can, uh, can complete the task very, uh, beautifully.

✓ Doing things patiently can complete the task very beautifully.

The phrase 'with patiently' is incorrect; after 'doing' the adverb 'patiently' should modify the verb. Also the auxiliary 'can' is repeated unnecessarily. Suggestion: remove 'with' and the duplicate 'can', and use the adverb 'patiently' to modify 'doing'.

× Like when I have to spend hours and hours for an appointment, it gives more valuable time of my life or my daily life.

✓ Like when I have to spend hours and hours waiting for an appointment, it wastes valuable time in my life.

The student used 'gives more valuable time' which is incorrect meaning and tense/verb choice. The intended idea is that waiting 'wastes' time. 'Spend... for an appointment' is unnatural; use 'waiting for an appointment'. Also 'more valuable time of my life' is awkward; use 'valuable time in my life'. Suggestion: replace with 'waiting for an appointment' and 'wastes valuable time'.

× It depends what I'm doing, if I do something I prefer or I love to do then it I feel very happy about it.

✓ It depends on what I'm doing; if I do something I prefer or love to do, then I feel very happy about it.

Missing preposition 'on' after 'depends', and word order/extra 'it' errors. Also need commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: add 'on', remove the extra 'it', and place commas for clarity.

× But if something I hate the bar I don't like to do I have but I need to do then I feel very sad or unhappy about it.

✓ But if I have to do something I hate or don't like, then I feel very sad or unhappy about it.

The original sentence has confused word order and extraneous words ('the bar', repeated clauses). Reorder into a clear conditional: 'if I have to do something I hate or don't like'. Suggestion: remove 'the bar' and redundant phrases, place 'have to do' before the object.

× But sometimes we have to do things according to others choice, not only ours.

✓ But sometimes we have to do things according to others' choices, not only our own.

Use possessive form 'others'' and plural 'choices' or singular with 'others' choice' corrected to possessive. Also 'ours' should be 'our own' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'others'' and 'our own'.

× Yeah, as I work as a tutor, I have to deal with children's, and when I deal with children then I need to be more patient because there are lots of things they do that we have to be patient in that moment.

✓ Yes, since I work as a tutor, I have to deal with children, and when I deal with them I need to be more patient because there are lots of things they do that require our patience in those moments.

'children's' is the possessive form incorrectly used instead of the plural 'children'. Pronoun reference 'them' is clearer than repeating 'children'. Also phrasing 'we have to be patient in that moment' is awkward; use 'require our patience in those moments'. Suggestion: use 'children' (plural), 'them' as pronoun, and rephrase the latter clause.

× So whenever I go for tuition, I try to be patient every time.

✓ So whenever I go to teach tuition sessions, I try to be patient every time.

'Go for tuition' is unclear; as the speaker is the tutor, better phrasing is 'go to teach tuition sessions' or 'go to give tuition'. The tense is present habitual, so 'I try to be patient every time' is fine but context wording should match. Suggestion: use 'go to give tuition' or 'teach tuition sessions' for clarity.

× As I grew older, I learned so many things that make me more patient than the previous time or when I was, uh, a child.

✓ As I grew older, I learned many things that made me more patient than when I was a child.

Past tense consistency: 'grew' and 'learned' are past, so the relative clause should use 'made' (past) not 'make'. 'The previous time' is unnatural; use 'when I was a child'. Suggestion: maintain past tense throughout and simplify the comparison.

× Because Childs are very impatient about anything.

✓ Because children are very impatient about many things.

'Childs' is an incorrect plural; the correct plural of 'child' is 'children'. Also 'about anything' is too absolute; 'about many things' is more natural in context. Suggestion: use 'children' and replace 'anything' with 'many things'.

× But when you grow older, you can, you know how to do things, you know, certain situations.

✓ But when you grow older, you learn how to handle certain situations.

The original repeats filler words and has poor clause structure. Condense to a clear statement: 'you learn how to handle certain situations.' Suggestion: remove filler 'you know' and use 'learn how to handle'.

× So by the time you grow your, your patience.

✓ So over time you develop your patience.

This sentence is fragmentary and missing a verb. 'Grow your, your patience' is ungrammatical. Use 'develop your patience' or 'your patience grows over time.' Suggestion: use a complete verb phrase like 'develop your patience'.