爱好— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more natural and concise. Give a clear topic sentence naming your main hobbies (avoid odd entries like “breathing”), then add one or two specific details using linking words. Limit to about 2–4 sentences and correct minor grammar (e.g., subject-verb agreement and remove repetition).

示例: I have several hobbies, including crocheting, working out and playing tennis. For example, crocheting helps me relax after work, while tennis keeps me fit and social because I usually play with friends twice a week.

建议: Clarify and simplify. Start with a direct topic sentence (“I didn’t have many hobbies as a child.”), then explain briefly why and give a specific example. Use linking words like “because” and “so” and avoid vague phrases.

示例: I didn’t have many hobbies as a child because my family and school emphasized studying. So, I usually spent free time playing with neighbors during summer holidays rather than practising a particular pastime.

建议: Good content and clear topic. Improve fluency by tightening sentences and fixing tense/word choice (e.g., “I loved” for past, “helped me a lot by buying cameras” rather than “always buying for me the latest camera”). Add a specific example of what you like to photograph.

示例: Photography is the hobby I’ve kept since childhood. My father encouraged me by buying cameras, and even now I enjoy taking candid street photos and family portraits because I like capturing everyday moments.

建议: Be more precise and grammatical. Begin with a clear statement, then give specific similarities and differences using linking words like “however” or “although.” Correct plural and word choice mistakes (“interests”, “only hobby” or “only activities”).

示例: No, we mostly have different interests. However, we do share two hobbies: tennis and working out — we often play tennis together on weekends, while other activities, like my crocheting, are personal.

× Some of them are crocheting, breathing, working out and playing tennis.

✓ Some of them are crocheting, swimming, working out, and playing tennis.

The original sentence lists 'breathing' which is unusual as a hobby and likely a mistake. This correction replaces it with 'swimming' as a plausible hobby. The structure using gerunds (verb + -ing) is correct for listing hobbies. Suggestion: use appropriate gerunds for actual hobbies and ensure parallel structure with commas and 'and'.

× I love them all equally and I can fill my time with them while also learning something new and improve my brain functions.

✓ I love them all equally, and I can fill my time with them while also learning something new and improving my brain functions.

After 'while' use the gerund form 'improving' to maintain parallel structure with 'learning'. Also add a comma before 'and' to separate independent clauses. Suggestion: keep verb forms parallel after conjunctions like 'while'.

× It's all they are all very helpful.

✓ They are all very helpful.

The original has redundant and ungrammatical fragments 'It's all they are all'. Removing the redundant fragment yields a correct simple sentence. Suggestion: avoid repeating subjects and ensure each sentence is a single coherent clause.

× I didn't have any hobbies growing up because I remember at home or at school.

✓ I didn't have any hobbies growing up because I don't remember discovering any at home or at school.

The original is ungrammatical and incomplete: 'because I remember at home or at school' lacks an object and clear meaning. The corrected version clarifies that the speaker does not remember discovering hobbies in those places, matching past context. Suggestion: make causal clauses explicit and include the verb and object needed to convey meaning.

× None of those around me helped me to discover myself or discover my hobbies.

✓ None of the people around me helped me discover myself or my hobbies.

'Those' is vague; 'the people around me' is clearer. Also, 'helped me to discover myself or discover my hobbies' is repetitive; use parallel structure 'helped me discover myself or my hobbies.' Suggestion: use clear nouns instead of 'those' and maintain parallel verb phrases.

× Therefore, I was only focused on my studies and just playing in the summer holiday with my neighbors or my friends.

✓ Therefore, I was only focused on my studies and on playing during the summer holidays with my neighbors and friends.

Use 'on focused on' with parallel 'on playing'; 'summer holiday' should be plural 'summer holidays' or 'the summer holidays' in this context, and 'neighbors and friends' is more natural than 'or.' Suggestion: keep prepositions parallel and choose consistent plural forms for recurring periods.

× The only hobby that stayed with me until I grew up is photography.

✓ The only hobby that stayed with me as I grew up is photography.

'Stayed with me until I grew up' is understandable but 'as I grew up' is more natural for ongoing retention into adulthood. Tense remains present for 'is photography' which is correct. Suggestion: choose idiomatic temporal phrases.

× I remember I love to take a lot of photos when I was a child and my father actually helped me a lot by always buying for me the latest camera and I still love to take photos to this very day.

✓ I remember loving to take a lot of photos when I was a child; my father helped me a lot by always buying me the latest camera, and I still love taking photos to this day.

Mixing 'remember I love to take' with 'when I was a child' causes tense inconsistency. Use 'remember loving' or 'I loved to take' for past habit. Also 'buying for me' should be 'buying me' and 'love to take photos' can be 'love taking photos' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: keep past recollection verbs followed by gerunds for past habits and use correct direct-object forms.

× No, my family and I have very different views and very different interest, although the only happy we share is playing tennis and working out.

✓ No, my family and I have very different views and very different interests, although the only hobby we share is playing tennis and working out.

'Interest' should be plural 'interests' to match 'very different'. 'Happy' is incorrect; likely meant 'hobby'. Replacing with 'hobby' yields correct meaning. Suggestion: ensure noun forms (singular/plural) match context and choose the correct noun for intended meaning.

× Otherwise we just enjoy doing different activities from each other.

✓ Otherwise, we just enjoy doing different activities from one another.

'From each other' is nonstandard here; 'from one another' or 'different activities' is better. Also add a comma after 'Otherwise' for clarity. Suggestion: use idiomatic phrases 'from one another' or simply 'different activities' without 'from'.