走路— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., how often you walk), then give one or two specific, linked reasons or details. Use correct grammar for tense and pronouns, avoid redundancy, and keep to under five sentences. For example, say how often you walk, why you walk, and one effect of walking on your day.

示例: I walk to work almost every day because it’s convenient and keeps me active. However, my job involves standing for long periods, so by the end of the day I often feel tired. Because of this, I sometimes look for other ways to relax after work, such as sitting in a café or doing light stretching.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence stating frequency in the past, then add one specific detail with a linking word. Correct verb forms and distances wording (e.g., “walked about three kilometres”) will improve clarity. Keep it natural and under five sentences.

示例: Yes, I used to go outside very often when I was a child. I regularly walked about three kilometres to my friend’s house, and then we would go to a nearby path to run, play games and have fun. Those walks were a big part of my childhood memories.

建议: Answer with one clear reason followed by a linked supporting detail. Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., ‘trees’, ‘greenery’, ‘crowded’) and correct sentence structure. Avoid vague time references like “in the past” unless you explain them. Keep it coherent with linking words such as ‘because’, ‘so’ or ‘whereas’.

示例: People like to walk in parks because they can enjoy fresh air and greenery. For example, parks have trees and open space, which is more relaxing than walking in the crowded, noisy city with lots of traffic. As a result, parks feel calmer and more pleasant for exercise or relaxation.

建议: Start with a direct statement of the place you would choose, then give one or two specific reasons using correct grammar. Use appropriate phrases like ‘because’, ‘as’, and fix collocations (e.g., ‘great views’, ‘interesting architecture’). Keep it concise and natural.

示例: I would like to take a long walk across the Sydney Harbour Bridge because it offers great views of the sea and the city skyline. Also, the bridge’s interesting architecture would make the walk impressive and memorable.

建议: Give a clear, concise answer with correct time reference and sentence order. Start with when you went, where, and a brief detail about the experience. Use correct past tense and avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., ‘I walked to the shops last Wednesday’). Limit to two or three sentences.

示例: Last Wednesday I walked to the shops, which are about one kilometre from my home. I bought a lot of things, so carrying them back made me quite tired.

× Yes, I walk about to work but my job it's boring me so we're being different outlet as a result between quite tight by the end of the day, especially from being on my feet for the long periods.

✓ Yes, I walk to work, but my job bores me, so I need a different outlet because I get quite tired by the end of the day, especially from being on my feet for long periods.

Errors: incorrect progressive construction 'it's boring me' (should be simple present 'bores me' for permanent situation), wrong use of 'we're being different outlet' (unclear and wrong verb form; should be 'I need a different outlet'), extra words 'about' and 'between' are unnecessary, and 'for the long periods' should be 'for long periods'. Suggestion: use simple present for habitual or general states, use clear subject-verb phrases (I need), remove unnecessary words, and use plural 'periods' without 'the' for general duration.

× Yeah, I went out a lot when I was a child for extended.

✓ Yeah, I went out a lot when I was a child for long periods.

Errors: 'for extended' is incomplete and incorrect; use 'for extended periods' or 'for long periods'. Suggestion: use a noun phrase 'for long periods' after past tense to indicate duration.

× I often feel about 3 kilometres to my friend's house and then we would go to nearby path to run, play games and have fun.

✓ I often walked about 3 kilometres to my friend's house and then we would go to a nearby path to run, play games, and have fun.

Errors: 'feel' is wrong verb — should be 'walked' in past context; missing article 'a' before 'nearby path'; 'to my friend's house' is fine with 'walked about 3 kilometres to'. Suggestion: match verb tense to context, use articles before singular countable nouns, and use commas in lists.

× I think because of in the past it's more fresh air from three and more green levels to let people enjoy and relaxing rather than walk to the city which is crowds and more traffic.

✓ I think in the past there was fresher air and more greenery for people to enjoy and relax, rather than walking in the city, which is crowded and has more traffic.

Errors: awkward 'because of in the past' — use 'in the past'; incorrect 'it's more fresh air from three' — should be 'there was fresher air'; 'green levels' incorrect — use 'more greenery'; verb form 'to let people enjoy and relaxing' mixes infinitive and -ing — use 'for people to enjoy and relax'; 'walk to the city which is crowds' should be 'walking in the city, which is crowded'. Suggestion: use 'there was' for existence in past, use uncountable noun 'greenery', keep parallel verb forms, and correct adjective 'crowded'.

× I would like to take a long walk for Sydney Harbour Bridge because it's over a great view of the sea and city skyline.

✓ I would like to take a long walk on the Sydney Harbour Bridge because it offers a great view of the sea and the city skyline.

Errors: preposition 'for' is wrong with 'take a walk' — use 'on' for a bridge; missing definite article 'the' before 'Sydney Harbour Bridge'; 'it's over a great view' incorrect — use 'it offers a great view'; add 'the' before 'city skyline'. Suggestion: use correct prepositions with locations, include definite articles for specific landmarks, and use 'offer' for views.

× Moreover the bridge interests architecture make walking there where impressive.

✓ Moreover, the bridge's interesting architecture makes walking there impressive.

Errors: 'the bridge interests architecture' is ungrammatical — use possessive 'bridge's interesting architecture'; verb agreement 'make' should be 'makes' to agree with singular subject; 'where impressive' incorrect — use 'impressive'. Suggestion: use possessive or 'has' + adjective + noun structure, ensure subject-verb agreement, and choose correct adjective forms.

× Recently Tuesday by Wednesday went to shopping by walks.

✓ Recently, on Tuesday or Wednesday, I went shopping on foot.

Errors: missing subject 'I'; 'by Wednesday' unclear — likely 'on Tuesday or Wednesday'; 'went to shopping by walks' wrong structure — use 'went shopping' and 'on foot' for walking. Suggestion: include the subject, use correct temporal prepositions 'on', and use 'go shopping' without 'to'.

× It's about a kilometre away from my home and doing walking back to home is a lot of stuff that I bought it, so that was quite tired.

✓ It's about a kilometre from my home, and carrying all the stuff I bought on the walk back made me quite tired.

Errors: 'doing walking back to home' incorrect — use 'walking back home' or 'the walk back'; 'is a lot of stuff that I bought it' has extra pronoun 'it' and wrong structure — use 'carrying all the stuff I bought'; 'so that was quite tired' uses 'tired' wrongly for subject — use 'made me quite tired'. Suggestion: use clear subject-action structure, remove redundant pronouns, and express cause-effect with 'made me'.