走路— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence stating how much you walk, then give one or two specific reasons or details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds like “uh” and awkward phrasing such as “I do have a lot of work.”

示例: Yes, I walk about 30 minutes every day. I started this routine after learning that walking improves fitness and reduces stress, so I try to fit it in during my lunch break.

建议: Clarify the timeline and cause–effect more accurately and avoid contradictory statements. Use a clear topic sentence about your childhood habits and one specific supporting detail or example. Remove hesitations and repetitions.

示例: Yes, I often went outside to play as a child. My parents sometimes left me to play with neighborhood kids, so we spent afternoons running and playing games in the street.

建议: Organize your answer: give two clear reasons with linking words (for example, “first” and “also”) and use correct vocabulary. Avoid incorrect or irrelevant words like “crossword” and “fox.” Be specific about benefits (safety, scenery, facilities).

示例: People like walking in parks for two main reasons. First, parks feel safe and have paved paths for walking; also, they offer pleasant greenery and fresh air, which makes walks more relaxing.

建议: Give a concise topic sentence naming the place, then explain why with specific details and a linking phrase. Remove fillers and unclear phrases like “work communities.” Mention what you enjoy about the place (views, exercise).

示例: I would like to take a long walk up the Desson building staircase in my city. The climb takes about 30 minutes and the panoramic view at the top is very peaceful, so it’s a good way to exercise and relax.

建议: Use a clear past-tense sentence to describe the recent walk, mention who you went with, where you went, and one specific detail about the experience. Avoid grammatical errors and repetitions (e.g., “we go, we went”).

示例: Yesterday my friends and I went for a walk at Desert Hill. We hadn’t met for a while, so we enjoyed catching up while walking along the ridge and admiring the sunset.

× Yeah, I do have a lot of work, uh, about 30 minutes in a day.

✓ Yeah, I do walk a lot, about 30 minutes a day.

The student used 'have a lot of work' which does not match the question about walking; this is a meaning issue but grammatically the tense "do have" is unnecessary. Use simple present 'do walk' or 'walk' to describe habitual action. Also 'in a day' should be 'a day'. Suggestion: use 'I walk about 30 minutes a day.'

× And ever since I was told walking is beneficial for my body, I began to walk every day.

✓ Ever since I was told walking is beneficial for my body, I have been walking every day.

The phrase 'ever since' refers to a past point continuing to the present, so use present perfect continuous 'have been walking' instead of simple past 'began to walk' or combine 'began' with a past time. Suggestion: use 'I have been walking every day.'

× Oh, when I was young, uh, my father and mother left me home alone, so I don't have a choice to walk outside and play with the other kids.

✓ Oh, when I was young, my father and mother left me home alone, so I didn't have the chance to walk outside and play with the other kids.

The sentence mixes past ('was', 'left') with present 'don't have'. Maintain past tense consistently: use 'didn't have' or 'did not have the chance'. Also 'choice to walk' is unnatural; use 'chance to' or 'opportunity to'.

× Yeah, and I often go outside and play with them.

✓ Yeah, and I often went outside and played with them.

Context is past ('when I was young'), so use past tense 'went' and 'played' instead of present 'go' and 'play'. Maintain consistent tense for past habitual actions.

× Uh, I do think that people walk in the park, so parks are safe, even though we can walk in the crossword or pedestrian walk.

✓ I think people walk in parks because parks are safe, even though we can also walk on sidewalks or pedestrian paths.

'Walk in the park' is fine but sentence structure was awkward. 'Crossword' is incorrect; the correct word is 'crosswalk' or 'sidewalk'/'pedestrian path'. Use prepositions 'in parks' (general) and 'on sidewalks'/'on crosswalks'. Also improve conjunctions and word order for clarity.

× Uh, parks are so convenient and we can see a tree and it feels like a countryside.

✓ Parks are convenient, and we can see trees; it feels like the countryside.

Use plural 'trees' when speaking generally. 'A countryside' is incorrect; 'the countryside' is the correct noun phrase. Also remove 'so' for formality and fix article usage.

× So people often walk in the fox.

✓ So people often walk in parks.

'Fox' is unrelated and likely a pronunciation error. The intended meaning is 'parks'. Replace incorrect word and ensure sentence refers back to parks.

× Uh, there's a building in my city called Desson that has a long staircase.

✓ There is a building in my city called Desson that has a long staircase.

Contraction 'there's' is acceptable spoken form, but for clarity use 'There is'. Grammatically this sentence is fine; change is stylistic. If 'Desson' is a name, keep capitalized. No tense issue.

× Even though I'm often busy with work communities, uh, I frequently go there walk because climbing to the top takes about 30 minutes and the view from the top is so relaxing.

✓ Even though I'm often busy with work commitments, I frequently go there to walk because climbing to the top takes about 30 minutes and the view from the top is very relaxing.

'Work communities' is incorrect; likely 'work commitments' or 'busy with work'. Need infinitive 'to walk' after 'go there'. 'So relaxing' is colloquial; 'very relaxing' is clearer. Ensure present simple/present continuous consistency: 'I'm often busy' (present) pairs with 'I frequently go' (present simple) which is acceptable.

× Yesterday, my friends, I were just hanging out and we decided to go for a walk because it's been so long that we finally go out like that and we go, we went to the desert hill.

✓ Yesterday, my friends and I were just hanging out, and we decided to go for a walk because it had been so long since we last went out like that; we went to Desert Hill.

Subject order 'my friends and I' is correct; use 'were' for plural subject. Replace present 'it's been' with past perfect 'it had been' to show a period before yesterday. Use past simple 'we went' for the action. Clean up repetition and punctuation. 'Desert Hill' as a place name capitalized.

× There was a my friend.

✓ There was a friend of mine there.

'A my friend' is ungrammatical; use 'my friend' or 'a friend of mine'. Also place it before/after location appropriately. Use past existential 'There was' with 'a friend of mine'.