走路— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific benefits with correct phrasing and linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect terms (e.g., say “body fat” not “subcutaneous fat” unless precise). Use shorter, natural sentences and a linking word like “for example” or “also.”

示例: Yes, I walk a lot because it helps my health. For example, walking burns body fat and improves cardiovascular fitness, which is good for both the heart and lungs.

建议: Begin with a clear topic sentence and correct tense and articles. Provide one specific detail about where you walked and why it was enjoyable, using linking words like “because” or “so.” Avoid fragmented clauses. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

示例: Yes, I often went for walks with my father when I was a child. There was a forest near our house, so we used to explore the trails and I enjoyed being outdoors because it felt peaceful.

建议: Answer directly and avoid fillers (“um”, “uh”). Use clear linking words (e.g., “because”, “also”) and correct comparative forms (“better than roads”). Give one or two specific reasons (safety, clean air, scenery).

示例: People like walking in parks because they are safer and quieter than streets. Also, parks usually have cleaner air and nicer scenery, which makes walks more pleasant.

建议: Start with a clear conditional sentence and use correct nouns and adjectives. Be specific about what attracts you (wildlife, scenery, tranquility). Avoid repetition. Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

示例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk in a tiger reserve because of its quiet atmosphere and ancient trees. For example, huge, old trees and the chance to see wildlife would make the walk exciting and peaceful.

建议: Use correct past tense and avoid double negatives. Give one clear reason why you went and one specific detail about the visit. Keep it concise and grammatical, using linking words like “because” and “so.”

示例: Recently I walked in the park near my home because it is quiet. When I went there, hardly anyone was around, so I could relax and enjoy the peace.

× Yes, usually I love to walk because walking is very helpful for our health.

✓ Yes, I usually love to walk because walking is very helpful for our health.

The adverb 'usually' should be placed before the main verb 'love' in present simple: subject + adverb + verb (I usually love). Moving 'usually' corrects word order for natural English.

× As long as we walk will also burn our subcutaneous fat, which will help for our heart as well and for our lungs, it will also increase our cardiovascular activities.

✓ If we walk regularly, we will also burn subcutaneous fat, which will help our heart and lungs and increase our cardiovascular activity.

This sentence has several problems: incorrect clause connector and word order, missing subject for 'will burn', inappropriate article and pluralization for 'cardiovascular activity'. Use a conditional 'If we walk regularly' and logical sequence: 'we will burn', 'help our heart and lungs', and 'increase our cardiovascular activity' (uncountable). These changes fix sentence structure and agreement.

× Yes, I used to go for walk when I was child with my father and it at this age I also love to walk because in those days there is a forest near my house so I love to visit.

✓ Yes, I used to go for walks with my father when I was a child, and at that time I also loved to walk because there was a forest near my house that I loved to visit.

Errors: missing article 'a' before 'child', wrong verb tense consistency ('love' should be past 'loved' to match 'used to'), plural 'walks' is natural, and 'there is' must be past 'there was' to match past context. Replacing 'at this age' with 'at that time' improves clarity.

× Is, uh, people love to walk in parks because they don't want any disturbance of traffic.

✓ People love to walk in parks because they don't want the disturbance of traffic.

Remove filler 'Is, uh'. Use definite article 'the' with 'disturbance of traffic' to indicate a specific undesirable condition. The sentence otherwise is fine.

× Umm, people uh, usually face traffic when they walk on street, so that's why they prefer to walk in parks.

✓ People usually face traffic when they walk on the street, so they prefer to walk in parks.

Remove fillers, add article 'the' before 'street' ('on the street') for correct collocation. Simplify to improve fluency.

× And also the atmosphere park is good than the roads and the dust.

✓ Also, the atmosphere in parks is better than on the roads, which are dusty.

Incorrect adjective comparison and word order. Use 'better than' for comparison and add prepositions: 'atmosphere in parks' and 'on the roads'. Clarify that roads are dusty by using a relative clause.

× I want to visit Tiger Reserve because the atmosphere of the park is very wonderful.

✓ I would like to visit the Tiger Reserve because the atmosphere of the park is wonderful.

Question asked a conditional preference ('Where would you like...'). Use conditional 'would like' to match the question. 'Very wonderful' is redundant; 'wonderful' suffices. Add article 'the' for a specific reserve.

× It was covered by so many trees and trees are the Some trees are the oldest and look like a giant tree, so I love to prefer walking.

✓ It is covered by many trees; some of them are very old and look like giant trees, so I prefer walking there.

Tense should match the hypothetical preference: use present 'is covered' or conditional context; original mixed past/present. Remove redundancy and fix word order ('some of them are very old'). Use 'prefer walking there' (simpler) and correct plural 'trees' and article use.

× Recently I walked in a park because there is a park near my home so I usually go there to because to it's quiet and nobody isn't there.

✓ Recently I walked in a park near my home because it is quiet and usually empty.

Correct tense and remove double negatives. Use 'it is quiet' and 'usually empty' instead of 'nobody isn't there' which is ungrammatical (double negative). Simplify to natural collocation 'a park near my home' and 'usually empty'.

× Nobody wasn't there at that time when I was walking.

✓ Nobody was there at that time when I was walking.

Original uses a double negative ('Nobody wasn't') which is incorrect. Use simple past 'was' to agree with 'I was walking' and avoid negation errors.