食物— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence naming the dish, then add 1–2 specific details (ingredients, how often you eat it, and why you like it). Avoid repetition and fill words ("I I", "it is it is"). Use linking words (because, so) if you give a reason.

示例: My favourite food is a traditional Mongolian dish called buuz. I usually eat it once or twice a week because it’s easy to prepare and very filling. It’s served cold and has only two main ingredients: meat and fat, which gives it a rich flavour.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence naming the childhood food and then add specific details (ingredients, how it was cooked, when you ate it). Reduce hesitation and avoid vague phrases like "like" and repeated words. Use a linking word to connect details (for example, "because" or "and").

示例: When I was about 10 I loved a traditional snack called boortsog. It’s made from wheat flour and is usually fried, which makes it crispy and tasty. I often ate it as a treat after school, because my family would make a batch on weekends.

建议: Start directly with a clear answer (Yes/No) and then give concise, specific reasons or examples. Avoid repeating the same point; instead give one or two supporting details (types of meat or occasions). Use a linking word such as "because" or "however" to show reasons.

示例: No, I don’t eat very different foods through the year because Mongolian cuisine is meat-centred. For example, in summer we eat grilled mutton and in winter we have stews and dried meat, so meat is the main element in every season.

建议: Provide a clear contrast between past and present: name the childhood favourite and the current favourite, then give one specific reason for the change. Avoid vague phrasing and informal slang like "gotta". Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum and use linking words such as "but", "because", or "so".

示例: Yes. As a child my favourite was a fried snack like boortsog, but now I prefer steamed dishes because steaming is healthier and easier on the stomach. I chose steamed meat dumplings because they are lighter and better for my liver.

× So my favorite food is something traditional Mongolian food and I I eat every or twice a week.

✓ So my favorite food is a traditional Mongolian dish and I eat it once or twice a week.

The sentence uses 'something traditional Mongolian food' which is awkward and missing the indefinite article before a singular countable noun. 'Food' is better replaced with 'dish' here. Also 'every or twice a week' is incorrect; use 'once or twice a week' to express frequency clearly. Suggestion: use 'a' before singular countable nouns and use standard frequency expressions like 'once or twice a week'.

× It is it is cold and it is so easy to eat and it also contains only two ingredients, meat and and far that that is it.

✓ It is cold and very easy to eat, and it contains only two ingredients: meat and fat. That's it.

Pronoun repetition 'It is it is' is redundant. 'And and far that that is it' contains repeated words and 'far' is likely a typo for 'fat'. Use a colon to list ingredients and 'That's it' to close. Suggestion: avoid unnecessary word repetition, correct typos, and use punctuation to present lists clearly.

× So when I was young, around like 10 or 12, I, I, I really used to eat for sure.

✓ So when I was young, around ten or twelve, I definitely used to eat it a lot.

The phrase 'used to eat for sure' is informal and incomplete; add the object 'it' and refine 'for sure' to 'definitely'. Also write numbers in words in formal speech. Suggestion: include the object of 'eat' and avoid filler repetition.

× It is Mongolian dish called Mongolian dish.

✓ It is a Mongolian dish called buuz.

A singular countable noun 'Mongolian dish' requires an article 'a'. Repeating 'Mongolian dish' is redundant; provide the dish name if known. Suggestion: use 'a' before singular countable nouns and avoid repetition.

× And it, it also contains like only two ingredients, wheat and flour.

✓ It also contains only two ingredients: wheat and flour.

Remove filler words 'it, it' and 'like' which are unnecessary. Use a colon to introduce a short list. Suggestion: omit fillers for clearer speech.

× Uh, and you can, you, should you, you could fry it like, and, and it's so tasty.

✓ You can fry it, and it is very tasty.

The original mixes modal verbs 'can', 'should', 'could' confusingly. Choose the appropriate modal: 'can' indicates possibility. Remove repeated pronouns and filler words. Suggestion: use a single modal verb to express ability or recommendation and avoid repeating pronouns.

× No, I think I eat same meal every time of the year because in Mongolia people always eat meat.

✓ No, I think I eat the same meal all year because in Mongolia people always eat meat.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'same meal' and awkward 'every time of the year' should be 'all year' or 'throughout the year'. Suggestion: use 'the same' and idiomatic time expressions like 'all year'.

× During summer time, we eat meat, during winter and fall we always eat meat and we always eat like a lot of meat.

✓ During summer, winter, and fall we eat meat; we always eat a lot of meat.

'During summer time' is wordy; use 'during summer' or simply 'in summer'. Remove repeated 'we always eat' by combining clauses. 'Like' as a filler should be removed. Suggestion: simplify and combine repetitive clauses and avoid fillers.

× Yes, so my favorite food when I was a child was for sure and now it's sports because when you steam the meal it is kind of healthy way to eat the food, but when you fry it, it's kind of bad for your stomach and liver.

✓ Yes. My favorite food when I was a child was fried food, but now I prefer steamed food because steaming is a healthier way to cook; frying is rather bad for your stomach and liver.

The original is unclear: 'was for sure and now it's sports' seems incorrect—likely meant 'fried'. Use past tense 'was' for childhood preference and present 'prefer' for current preference. 'It is kind of healthy way' needs article 'a' and 'kind of' is informal; replace with 'healthier'. Suggestion: clarify intended meaning, use appropriate articles, and choose precise comparative language.

× So now I'm an adult so I gotta be more healthy so I gotta choose steamed food so.

✓ Now that I'm an adult, I have to be healthier, so I choose steamed food.

'Gotta' is informal slang; use 'have to' or 'must'. 'Be more healthy' should be 'be healthier'. Remove redundant 'so' at the end. Suggestion: use standard modal verbs ('have to', 'must') and comparative forms of adjectives ('healthier').