建筑— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use plural/singular correctly), avoid repetitions, and add one specific detail. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., "also" or "for example").

示例: Yes. There are several tall buildings near where I live, especially in downtown Melbourne. For example, I have visited one of the city’s tallest towers, and I remember the impressive skyline and the view from the observation deck.

建议: Begin with a direct answer, then give a clear reason and one specific example. Correct tense and word choice (e.g., "skyscrapers", "first time", "a lot of photos"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like "because" or "so".

示例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings. For example, on my first visit to Melbourne’s skyscrapers I took a lot of photos because they helped me remember the unique views and the feeling of being up high.

建议: Answer directly and clearly: state the building and why you want to visit, using correct grammar and concise supporting details. Use linking words like "because" and avoid filler sounds. Mention a specific reason (e.g., view, memories, family experience).

示例: Yes. I would like to take my family to the tallest building in Melbourne because when I visited it before I had unforgettable memories and the panoramic view was amazing. I want my family to experience that view with me.

建议: Start with a clear direct opinion (Yes/No) and give two concise, specific reasons using correct vocabulary (e.g., "high-rise building", "active dog", "collect parcels"). Link reasons with words like "because" and "also". Avoid filler words and repetition.

示例: No, I would not prefer living in a high-rise building at the moment because I have an active dog who needs frequent exercise and outdoor space. Also, it is inconvenient to collect parcels since I would have to go down to the lobby every time.

× Yes, they married. They married numerous, uh, beauty, tall building near around where I live, especially in the middle of the city, Melbourne.

✓ Yes, there are many beautiful tall buildings near where I live, especially in the middle of the city, Melbourne.

Original sentence uses 'they married' (nonsense) and misorders adjectives and uses incorrect words. This is an adjective/adverb misuse and sentence structure problem. Use 'there are' to state existence and place adjectives in natural order: 'many' (quantifier), 'beautiful' (opinion), 'tall' (size), then noun 'buildings'. Remove extra prepositions like 'near around'. Suggestion: Practice adjective order and use 'there are' for existence statements.

× Umm, and I've been in one of them, one of the tallest building in Melbourne and I felt so, uh, special about the building is offer me unforgettable memories.

✓ I have been in one of the tallest buildings in Melbourne and I felt very special because the building offered me unforgettable memories.

Original mixes tenses and has subject-verb agreement errors: 'one of the tallest building' should be plural 'buildings'. 'Is offer me' mixes present and infinitive incorrectly; use past 'offered' to match 'I felt'. Ensure plural for 'buildings' after 'one of the'. Suggestion: Check noun number after 'one of the' and keep verb tenses consistent.

× Yes, when my first time visits a tallest guy scappers in Melbourne, I did take a loss of photo cause umm, I believe it would help me to memorise about the feelings and the, uh, distinctive view there when I first visited.

✓ Yes, the first time I visited a tall skyscraper in Melbourne, I took a lot of photos because I believed they would help me remember the feelings and the distinctive view from there.

Errors include incorrect prepositions and word choice: 'when my first time visits' should be 'the first time I visited'; 'guy scappers' is wrong word choice for 'skyscraper'; 'did take a loss of photo' should be 'took a lot of photos'; 'memorise about' should be 'remember'. Use 'because' instead of 'cause' in formal speech. Maintain past tense consistency. Suggestion: Use correct noun 'skyscraper', 'the first time I visited', and prefer 'took a lot of photos'.

× If I have a chance I would love to take my family to the tallest building in Melbourne which I visited before because it's gave me an offer get table UMM memories about it and to the in UMM and I also want my beloved family to enjoy the view with me.

✓ If I had the chance, I would love to take my family to the tallest building in Melbourne that I visited before because it gave me unforgettable memories, and I want my family to enjoy the view with me.

The conditional is awkward: use 'If I had the chance' for hypothetical present/future. 'Which I visited before' is better as 'that I visited before'. 'It's gave' mixes present contraction 'it's' with past 'gave' — use simple past 'it gave'. Remove unclear phrases 'offer get table UMM'. Keep parallel structure and clarity. Suggestion: Use correct conditional form 'If I had the chance' and keep tense consistency; avoid filler words.

× Well I will say at the moment I would not prefer living in the toast pudding because I do have a dog and my dog very active.

✓ Well, at the moment I would not prefer living in a high-rise building because I have a dog and my dog is very active.

Confused words 'toast pudding' likely intended 'tall building' or 'high-rise building'. Use 'I have a dog' (present simple) and 'my dog is very active' (present simple with verb 'is'). 'I will say at the moment' is unnecessary—use 'at the moment' directly. Ensure verbs for states use present simple. Suggestion: Use precise vocabulary 'high-rise building' and include the verb 'is' for 'my dog is very active'.

× He needs a lot of exercise and working so and umm I find it inconvenient to live in the toe building umm because sometime when I have a parcel I have to come all the way down to collect it.

✓ He needs a lot of exercise and activity, so I find it inconvenient to live in the tower building because sometimes when I have a parcel I have to come all the way down to collect it.

Original mixes gerunds and nouns incorrectly: 'exercise and working' should be 'exercise and activity' or 'exercise and walking'. 'Toe building' is incorrect word; likely 'tall building' or 'tower building'. Use 'sometimes' (plural) not 'sometime'. Maintain present simple for habitual actions: 'I have to come all the way down to collect it'. Suggestion: Use correct nouns for activities ('exercise and walks') and correct adverb 'sometimes'; choose the proper term 'tower' or 'high-rise' for the building.