建筑— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct vocabulary, start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and fill gaps. Use linking words to contrast your neighborhood with the city and provide one specific example of nearby tall buildings.

示例: No, there are no tall buildings near my home; most houses here are two-storey duplexes and bungalows. However, when I visit the city I often see many high-rise buildings, especially around the central library and business district, which makes that area feel much more modern.

建议: Avoid informal repetition and unclear phrasing. Give a concise topic sentence, then add a specific reason and an example with a linking word (e.g., because, for example). Use more precise adjectives.

示例: Yes, I often photograph buildings when I visit the city because many of the high-rises and historic facades are visually striking. For example, I like shooting the glass façades downtown at sunset because they reflect warm colors and create interesting compositions.

建议: Correct the building name and avoid confusing wording. Begin with a direct answer naming the place, then briefly explain why with specific reasons and one concrete image or activity you would do there.

示例: Yes, I would like to visit the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I have always wanted to experience Parisian culture and see the panoramic view from the tower’s top; I imagine watching the city lights while having a coffee at a nearby café.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence and a specific reason; finish the sentence and avoid trailing off. Use linking words to add one or two supporting details (e.g., because, therefore, for instance).

示例: Not really; I prefer living in a duplex because it feels more private and has a small garden. For example, I appreciate having direct access to outdoor space and fewer neighbors on each floor, which makes daily life quieter and more relaxed.

× I live in the residential areas and most of the buildings are two-story buildings, dupless and bungalows.

✓ I live in a residential area and most of the buildings are two-story houses, duplexes and bungalows.

The student used plural 'residential areas' but context refers to their local neighborhood, so singular 'a residential area' is clearer. 'Two-story buildings' is acceptable but 'two-story houses' is more natural here. 'Dupless' is a misspelling and should be the plural 'duplexes'. Use consistent plural forms for the list items.

× But in the city most times when I go to the city I do come across lots of tall buildings and the city and around the city library it's quite.

✓ But in the city, most of the time when I go there I come across lots of tall buildings, especially around the city library.

The original sentence is repetitive and fragmented ('and the city and around the city library it's quite' is incomplete). 'Most times' should be 'most of the time'. 'I do come across' is wordy; 'I come across' is sufficient. Reorganize to remove repetition and finish the idea by specifying 'especially around the city library'.

× Yes, when I go to the city I mostly take pictures around tall buildings and most of the times they are really, really, really beautiful and good tourist attraction.

✓ Yes, when I go to the city I mostly take pictures of tall buildings, and most of the time they are really beautiful and a good tourist attraction.

'Mostly take pictures around tall buildings' is awkward; 'take pictures of tall buildings' is correct. 'Most of the times' should be 'most of the time'. Repeated 'really' is informal and unnecessary; reduce to 'really beautiful'. Add article 'a' before 'good tourist attraction'.

× They should they kind of make your pictures very nice, so I tend to take pictures around those views.

✓ They kind of make your pictures very nice, so I tend to take photos of those views.

The phrase 'They should they' is ungrammatical and likely a hesitation; remove the extraneous 'should they'. 'Take pictures around those views' is odd; 'take photos of those views' is clearer. Use consistent vocabulary: 'photos' or 'pictures'.

× Yes, and that would be the effort tower in Paris.

✓ Yes, and that would be the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

This is a word choice/spelling error: 'effort' is incorrect; the correct proper noun is 'Eiffel Tower'. Proper nouns must be spelled correctly.

× I have always wanted to go to Paris and enjoy the culture, the view and the people and one of my tourist sites to go to is the infertile and that has always been my dream.

✓ I have always wanted to go to Paris to enjoy the culture, the views and the people, and one of the tourist sites I want to visit is the Eiffel Tower; that has always been my dream.

The sentence has several issues: 'enjoy the culture, the view and the people' should be parallelized to 'enjoy the culture, the views and the people'. 'One of my tourist sites to go to is the infertile' is ungrammatical and contains the misspelling 'infertile' instead of 'Eiffel'. Rephrase to 'one of the tourist sites I want to visit is the Eiffel Tower' for clarity and correct word order. Use a semicolon or conjunction to connect the final clause.

× Not really, I actually prefer living in a duplex and not a tall building because the distance and and.

✓ Not really. I actually prefer living in a duplex rather than in a tall building because of the distance and privacy.

The original ends with 'because the distance and and' which is incomplete and repetitive. Use 'rather than in a tall building' for comparison and complete the reason; likely the student meant 'distance and privacy' or 'distance from the street'—here 'privacy' is suggested. Also split into two sentences for clarity.