旅行— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail and a linking word. Avoid filler words (umm, aside) and correct minor grammar (use consistent verb forms). Keep answers to 2–3 sentences and include a specific example of what you notice to make it more vivid.

示例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I find watching the changing scenery calming. For example, I enjoy seeing people going about their day and noticing how the light changes over buildings, which helps me relax during the journey.

建议: Answer directly first, then clarify with a specific reason and example. Remove repetition and fix small errors (‘of of’, awkward phrasing). Use a linking word to connect sentences and be concise.

示例: Not usually; I rarely take photos from a moving car because pictures often come out blurred. However, I do record short videos sometimes to capture interesting streets or landscapes, especially when the light is good or something unusual happens.

建议: Provide a clear preference in the first sentence, then support with one or two specific reasons or a brief anecdote. Avoid hyperbolic phrases like ‘stopped my heart’ without context and finish sentences fully. Use linking words (for example, because) to show causal relation.

示例: I prefer the sea even though I grew up in the mountains because I find the open horizon and the sound of waves very relaxing. For example, when I first visited the coast at 16, the wide views and fresh air made a strong impression on me and I still enjoy walking along the beach to unwind.

× I love the image of movement so I really enjoy to just watch.

✓ I love the image of movement so I really enjoy just watching.

The verb 'enjoy' requires a gerund (-ing) form after it, not an infinitive. Use 'enjoy watching' rather than 'enjoy to watch'. Remove the redundant 'to' and keep 'just' before the gerund for natural word order.

× Aside, it kind of feels like really calming umm.

✓ Also, it kind of feels really calming.

'Aside' is not used correctly here; 'also' fits the intended meaning. The phrase 'feels like really calming' is ungrammatical—use 'feels really calming' or 'seems really calming'. Remove filler 'umm' for clarity.

× I don't take photos specifically of the scenery outside the car, not very frequently, but I love to take videos of of that.

✓ I don't take photos specifically of the scenery outside the car very frequently, but I love taking videos of it.

Use 'taking' (gerund) after 'love' or restructure to 'love to take'. Also fix redundancy 'of of' and replace vague 'that' with 'it'. Move 'very frequently' to a more natural position.

× So if that's the case then yes.

✓ So if that's the case, then yes.

Add a comma to separate the conditional clause for correct sentence flow. The original is conversationally acceptable but benefits from punctuation for clarity.

× So I personally come from the mountains but I love the sea.

✓ I personally come from the mountains, but I love the sea.

Add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'but' joining two independent clauses. Otherwise the sentence is correct.

× I was actually only 16 when I first visited the sea and it literally just stopped my heart.

✓ I was actually only 16 when I first visited the sea and it literally stopped my heart.

The verb 'stop someone's heart' does not need 'just' after 'literally' in this context; remove the extra 'just' for concision. The past tense 'was' and 'visited' are correct. Alternatively, keep 'just' before 'stopped' ('it just stopped my heart') but not both 'literally' and 'just' together for clarity.

× The views were just amazing and I really loved.

✓ The views were just amazing and I really loved them.

The verb 'loved' requires an object here. Add 'them' to refer to 'the views'. Alternatively, rephrase to 'I really loved it' if referring to the experience, but 'them' matches 'the views'.