旅行— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers directly, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition ("feeling alive" repeated) and minor grammar issues ("pick out" and "hairs"). Use linking words if adding details.

示例: Yes — I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me relax. For example, I enjoy watching passing fields and towns, and the changing light always brightens my mood.

建议: Answer directly, correct word choice and be specific. Replace unclear phrases ("remove a video in a slow MO") with clear expressions ("record slow-motion videos"). Keep to 2–3 supporting sentences and use linking words like 'but' or 'however' properly.

示例: Not usually — I prefer recording short videos rather than taking photos. For instance, I often record slow-motion clips of coastal highways and later upload them to my social media.

建议: Give a direct preference or clearly state you like both, then provide a specific reason or example. Avoid awkward phrasing ("sea within the mountains surrounded by three sides"). Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' to organize your idea.

示例: I like both, but if I had to choose I'd pick the sea because I enjoy swimming and watching sunsets. For example, coastal mountains where the sea is enclosed by cliffs create a dramatic landscape I love to visit.

× Yes, I do pick out while traveling by bus or car.

✓ Yes, I do look out while traveling by bus or car.

The student used 'pick out' which is incorrect in this context. The correct phrasal verb is 'look out (at)' or simply 'look out' meaning to observe scenery. Replace 'pick out' with 'look out' to convey watching the view while traveling. Suggestion: Use 'look out (at)' when referring to observing scenery from a vehicle.

× It's just because it makes me feel alive and the breeze hits my face along with my hairs waving around.

✓ It's because it makes me feel alive, and the breeze hits my face with my hair waving.

Use 'hair' as an uncountable noun rather than 'hairs' in this general sense; 'It's just because' is wordy, so 'It's because' is more natural. 'Along with' is awkward here; use 'with' to indicate simultaneous action. Also combine clauses with a comma and conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'hair' (uncountable) and 'with' to link simultaneous actions.

× It's just like feeling alive.

✓ It just feels like being alive.

Original sentence is informal and slightly redundant. 'It just feels like being alive' better expresses the sensation. Alternatively, 'It makes me feel alive' is clearer and avoids awkward phrasing. Suggestion: Prefer 'It makes me feel alive' for clarity.

× I usually don't take pictures of the scenery outside the car, but I love to capture it through videos, like going around the highway where there is beautiful scenic beauty there.

✓ I usually don't take pictures of the scenery outside the car, but I like to capture it on video, for example when driving along a highway with beautiful scenery.

Use 'like to' rather than 'love to' for habitual preference (both possible but 'like to capture on video' is natural). 'Capture it through videos' is awkward; use 'on video'. 'Going around the highway' is incorrect for the subject; use 'driving along a highway'. 'Beautiful scenic beauty' is redundant; use 'beautiful scenery'. Remove redundant 'there'. Suggestion: Use 'on video' and concise nouns like 'scenery' instead of redundant phrases.

× I love to remove a video in a slow MO and put it on line.

✓ I like to shoot a slow-motion video and put it online.

'Remove a video' is incorrect; likely meant 'record' or 'shoot'. Abbreviation 'MO' is unclear; use 'slow-motion'. 'On line' should be one word 'online'. 'Love to' can remain but 'like to' is acceptable; choose based on speaker's emphasis. Suggestion: Use 'shoot a slow-motion video' and 'online' as one word.

× To be honest, I love both.

✓ To be honest, I love both the mountains and the sea.

The answer 'I love both' is vague without restating the options; explicitly mention 'the mountains and the sea' for clarity and completeness. Suggestion: Restate the choices when answering to make the response self-contained.

× Like a scenic beauty wherein there is a sea within the mountains surrounded by three sides of the mountain, the beauty is unimaginable.

✓ For example, a place where the sea lies among mountains, surrounded on three sides by mountains, is unimaginably beautiful.

'Wherein' is formal and awkward here; use 'where' or 'a place where'. 'Sea within the mountains' is odd; 'sea lies among mountains' is clearer. 'Surrounded by three sides of the mountain' is ungrammatical; use 'surrounded on three sides by mountains'. Reorder sentence for natural English. Suggestion: Use 'where' and clearer prepositional phrases like 'surrounded on three sides by mountains' and avoid redundant words like 'scenic beauty' followed by 'the beauty'.