旅行— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and organize your answer: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons or an example. Avoid repetition and fill words (e.g. "yeah"). Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas and aim for 2–3 sentences within the 5-sentence limit.

示例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me get a sense of the city’s atmosphere. For example, I enjoy watching people, shops and street life as we pass through different neighborhoods.

建议: Provide a direct topic sentence plus one clear reason and a concrete example. Reduce repetition (e.g. "usually", "such as", "and and") and use specific vocabulary (river, coastline, sunset). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and include linking words like "because" or "for example."

示例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window because I like to capture natural scenery. For example, I’ll photograph rivers, coastal views and mountain ranges, especially during sunset when the light is best.

建议: Give a clear preference in the first sentence, then briefly justify it with one or two specific reasons. If you mention the other option, contrast it succinctly. Avoid hesitations and repeated words; name places correctly. Use linking words like "although" or "however."

示例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy water sports like surfing and fishing. However, I also appreciate mountains for their dramatic scenery; for example, I once visited the Arputh Mountains and was impressed by their size and views.

× Yes, I like it because by seeing from the window we can feel the atmosphere indeed in the city.

✓ Yes, I like it because looking out of the window we can feel the atmosphere in the city.

The phrase 'by seeing from the window' is an incorrect gerund construction. Use the -ing form as a participle 'looking out of the window' to indicate the action that allows feeling the atmosphere. Also 'indeed' is unnecessary and 'in the city' should follow naturally. Suggestion: use 'looking out of the window' or 'by looking out of the window'.

× So I think it's really good way to experience the atmosphere or experience the yeah atmosphere.

✓ So I think it's a really good way to experience the atmosphere.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'really good way'. Redundant repetition ('experience the atmosphere' twice) and filler 'yeah' should be removed for clarity. Suggestion: include 'a' and avoid repetition and fillers.

× So I think it's really good way to travel during, during the car when so on.

✓ So I think it's a really good way to travel by car.

Awkward structure 'travel during, during the car when so on' is ungrammatical. The correct prepositional phrase is 'by car'. Also add article 'a'. Suggestion: simplify to 'travel by car' or 'traveling by car'.

× Yes, I usually do that. For example, I usually take the photos of some nature like such as mountains or river and and the ocean and so on.

✓ Yes, I usually do. For example, I usually take photos of natural scenes such as mountains, rivers, and the ocean.

'Take the photos of some nature' is incorrect: 'photos' does not need 'the', and 'nature' as a noun should be 'natural scenes' or 'nature scenes'. Use plural 'rivers' when speaking generally. Remove the duplicated 'and'. Suggestion: use 'take photos of natural scenes such as mountains, rivers, and the ocean.'

× Because when we when we look the nature from the window, I think it's really good atmosphere and the scenery.

✓ Because when we look at nature from the window, I think the atmosphere and the scenery are really nice.

'Look the nature' requires the preposition 'at' ('look at nature'). 'Really good atmosphere' needs an article and adjective order: 'the atmosphere is really nice' or similar. Also 'scenery' should agree with verb 'are' or be rephrased. Suggestion: 'the atmosphere and scenery are really nice' or separate into two sentences.

× I prefer the sea because in the sea I can play a lot of sports such as surfing and fishing and so on.

✓ I prefer the sea because at the seaside I can do a lot of sports such as surfing and fishing.

Use 'at the seaside' or 'by the sea' rather than 'in the sea' when referring to where you participate in sports; 'in the sea' implies being submerged. 'Play a lot of sports' is acceptable but 'do a lot of sports' or 'take part in' is more natural. Remove 'and so on' for conciseness.

× I like it. But in I also like mountains because the scenery is really good.

✓ I like it, but I also like mountains because the scenery is really beautiful.

Fragment 'But in I also like' is ungrammatical. Merge into one sentence and remove extraneous 'in'. 'Really good' can be improved to 'really beautiful' or 'very nice'. Suggestion: use 'but I also like mountains' for correct structure.

× For example, Arputh mountains, I've I've seen the Arpu's mountain, it was really great and very huge.

✓ For example, the Arputh Mountains — I've seen them; they were really impressive and very large.

Place names should have correct capitalization and pluralization ('Arputh Mountains'). Avoid repeating words. 'Arpu's mountain' seems incorrect; use the established name. 'Huge' describes size; 'very huge' is redundant; use 'very large' or 'impressive'. Also split into clearer clauses. Suggestion: 'I've seen the Arputh Mountains; they were really impressive and very large.'