分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 回答需更自然、简洁并直接回应问题，同时注意时态和语法错误。避免不相关的疑问句（如 “why was a child?”），用一到两句做主题句，再用一两句补充具体例子（何时、怎样教）。句子不要过长，控制在不超过5句。

示例: Yes. My parents often encouraged me to share when I was young. For example, they would ask me to give snacks to my classmates and praise me when I did, which taught me that sharing makes everyone happier.

建议: 回答总体结构可以，但需注意语法（单复数、时态）和用词准确。每个时期给出更具体例子或结果会更好。使用连接词使衔接更自然，如 “when… , later…” 。控制在最多五句内。

示例: It depends on my age. When I was in primary school I often shared snacks with classmates, which helped me make friends. Later in middle and high school I shared notes and study tips, and this improved our grades.

建议: 回答要更自然并用更准确的词汇，如 “personal items” 或 “personal belongings”。给出具体例子并说明原因（卫生、隐私）。避免语法错误和重复。

示例: Personal items are not suitable for sharing. For example, underwear, toothbrushes or mobile phones should not be shared for hygiene and privacy reasons.

建议: 回答应更简洁并注意语序与时态。说明具体物品和分享方式会更具体，例如是什么特产、他们的反应。避免冗长从句，控制在三句内。

示例: Yes. Since I study at a university in another province, I recently brought local snacks and tea back home for my relatives. They were very happy and said the gifts were special.

建议: 结构不错，但表达可以更精炼并避免夸张用语（如 “loved me most in the world”）。可以补充为什么首先告诉妈妈（情感支持、反应快等）。控制在三句内，使用连接词提高流畅性。

示例: I usually tell my mother first because she is very supportive and excited about my achievements. Sometimes I also tell my father, but my mother is the person I want to see first when something good happens.

建议: 回答思路清晰，但需注意语法一致性（plural/singular）和用词（e-sports）。可以给具体例子说明最近分享的新闻，并用连接词如 “for example” 增强条理。保持自然口语风格且不超过五句。

示例: It depends on their interests. For example, I share NBA scores and match highlights with friends who like basketball, while I tell gaming news and tournament results to friends who follow e-sports.

× Yes, why was a child? I have the instinct to protect my food, but with time passing by when I grow a bit older, my parents told me that I should learn how to share my food to others, thus we can share the enjoyment together.

✓ Yes. When I was a child, I had the instinct to protect my food, but as I grew older my parents told me that I should learn to share my food with others so we could enjoy it together.

句子结构混乱并包含时态和短语使用错误。原句“why was a child?”不合逻辑，应为“When I was a child”。“I have the instinct”与后文过去时不一致，改为过去时“had”。“with time passing by when I grow a bit older”冗长且时态错误，改为“As I grew older”。“learn how to share my food to others”中介词和动词搭配不当，改为“learn to share my food with others”。此外使用“so we could enjoy it together”更自然。

× It it depends on the different period of my life.

✓ It depends on the different periods of my life.

“It it”为重复错误，应为“It depends”。“the different period of my life”涉及数量，应使用复数“periods”。因此改为“It depends on the different periods of my life.”

× When I was a children in primary school, I preferred to share food or snacks with my classmates.

✓ When I was a child in primary school, I preferred to share food or snacks with my classmates.

“a children”中同时使用不定冠词和复数名词不匹配，应为单数“a child”。

× When I entered middle school and high school, I am more willing to share my knowledge with my classmates.

✓ When I entered middle school and high school, I was more willing to share my knowledge with my classmates.

句首使用过去时“entered”，后半句却用现在时“am”，时态不一致。应保持过去时，改为“was”。

× Those privacy goods, for example, if you have or a clothes or trousers, you can't share it to others unless they don't have something to wear and ask you to do so.

✓ Those are private items. For example, if you have clothes or trousers, you can't share them with others unless they don't have anything to wear and ask you to.

多个问题："privacy goods"表达不自然，改为“private items”。句中有多余或错误词“or a clothes or trousers”。名词与代词数不一致，clothes/trousers为复数，代词应为“them”。介词“share it to others”错误，应为“share them with others”。否定从句“unless they don't have something to wear”含有双重否定，改为“unless they don't have anything to wear and ask you to”。

× Yes, since I have started in a university out of my province, so I brought some local specialty back to home to my relatives and friends and I just couldn't wait to share those local product to them.

✓ Yes. Since I started university outside my province, I brought back some local specialties for my relatives and friends, and I couldn't wait to share those local products with them.

原句冗长且包含时态、介词、数以及连接词错误。“have started in a university out of my province”不自然，改为“started university outside my province”。“so I brought”与“since”重复连接词，应去掉“so”。“local specialty”应使用复数“specialties”；“back to home to my relatives”顺序和介词错误，改为“brought back ... for my relatives”。“share those local product to them”中“product”为单数，应复数“products”；介词用“with”。

× Commonly it's my mom, but sometimes it may be my dad.

✓ Usually it's my mom, but sometimes it's my dad.

“Commonly”用法生硬，改为更自然的“Usually”。“it may be my dad”在此语境下不够确定且用词不自然，改为“it's my dad”。

× In all, my parents are the ones who loved me most in the world and they witness the whole process of my growth.

✓ Overall, my parents are the ones who love me most in the world and they have witnessed the whole process of my growth.

“loved me most”使用过去时与现在情况不符，应为现在时“love”。“they witness”时态不对，改为现在完成时“have witnessed”以表示至今持续影响。

× Each time when I have achieved something special, I'm willing to tell them immediately.

✓ Whenever I achieve something special, I'm willing to tell them immediately.

“Each time when I have achieved”时态和结构不自然。应使用一般现在时“Whenever I achieve”，因为讲述的是习惯性动作。

× It's hard to generalize.

✓ It's hard to generalize.

该句语法正确，无需修改。

× For some of my friends who love sports, I'm always willing to share with some NBA news or football competition news.

✓ For some of my friends who love sports, I'm always willing to share NBA news or football competition news with them.

原句“share with some NBA news”词序和介词使用不当，应将受赠者放在句尾“with them”，并去掉多余“some”。

× But for some other friends who is crazy about computer games, I'm more willing to tell them the news in the E sports.

✓ But for some other friends who are crazy about computer games, I'm more willing to tell them the news about e-sports.

“who is”与先行词“friends”数不一致，须用“who are”。“the E sports”大小写与表达不自然，改为“about e-sports”。